Please help a clueless mom trying to help her son!

Hello everyone! I’m new here and my junior son is just starting the college process. Well we’ve visited schools all year but he just started filling out the common and coalition apps. Anyway, he has a couple ideas for the common app essay but I am totally clueless with this stuff. I’m hoping someone can guide us with his ideas.

  1. This would be for prompt #5. He wants to talk about the sport he plays in high school and how he never thought he would be good and now he’s playing among athletes who’ve played lacrosse their entire lives while he just started in high school. Wondering how to make this not sound cocky or braggy.
  2. Another story he can write about is something that happened to him while on vaca with his grandparents. He, my sister and my dad (his grandpa) were on an ATV (I think) in the Dominican Republic and ended up getting hijacked by a local with a machete and robbed. I know this sounds completely nuts but it really happened and scared the you know what out of him. I wonder if there’s a way to turn this experience into an essay and make it sound believable.
    Any words of advice you can offer would be so helpful!! Thanks!

It’s great that you want to help him but, this is his essay, let him shape it the way he wants it to.

I’ve read too many essays about students playing sports and honestly, they all sound the same.

What did he learn from that situation. I see potential for this idea, if it’s written properly.

Some resources I recommend, along with many other people on this forum are https://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/ and https://www.collegeessayguy.com/. You can also google JHU’s Essays that worked.

Here is a tips thread that used to be pinned, but I guess it was unpinned because of some debate late in the thread. But it has some things to consider.

http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/2003258-essay-tips-to-consider.html#latest

@intparent Great tips you have there!

Thanks everyone…this sure is different from when I went to college :((

@intparent, those are some very useful tips in your link. Too bad thread was closed. I’ve a few nuanced questions, but I strongly suspect there’s much information already available on various CC threads. I’m going to research this hard before asking them. Thanks again for link!

@allieandjoe Don’t think admissions finds sports essays interesting. What about the DR robbery essay tells the reader something about your son?

@USCWolverine Feel free to PM if you want to.

Write the essay only he could write:
http://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/uploads/1/0/9/5/109505679/hack_the_college_essay_2017.pdf

Good for your son for thinking about this early!

Think about which story you would rather read. The hijacking story sounds much more interesting to me than another cliched sports story, and its such a unique experience that it could make for a very memorable essay. One advice that my kids got along the way was don’t just tell me the story, show me. Don’t just say you were scared, show them you were scared. Also, the story needs to reveal something about your son so however good a story it may be, the focus needs to be on what he wants the admissions people to learn about him from that story.

But it doesn’t have to be a life or death experience to be a great essay. My kids both got into highly selective schools with essays on somewhat mundane topics. Good luck!

Be aware that many colleges that were safeties a generation ago are reaches today for an applicant with the same stats.

Two things he should ask himself while crafting the essay: “Does this sound like me?” And, “Why is this important?” Do not let him be a passive character in his own story.

"Thanks everyone…this sure is different from when I went to college "

I don’t think I wrote an essay. It was all grades and test scores.

I know you all seem to think sports are boring but I think discovering a talent you didn’t and wouldn’t have known about unless you tried it despite joining more experienced people is a good thing to learn. The confidence gained by that experience bodes well for the future.

My H was robbed by gunpoint while working once in HS–great story but all he learned was quit immediately and try not to ever be in that position again. Pretty much everyone’s reaction.

MODERATOR’S NOTE: I reopened and pinned the thread on essay tips. I will close it again quickly if there is any more debate or insults, however.

I remember writing essays …I did one about being a soccer goalie (HS Class of '82)

I have no memory of writing essays (HS class of '70), but many things from that long ago are hazy. 8-}

One of the best essays I read this year (and, in many years, to be accurate) was about raising chickens. She or he got into Cornell, Carnegie Mellon, and Johns Hopkins, among others. Unique stories work well IMO.

I dont think I wrote an essay either. But I only applied to 2 schools - Penn State Abington and Temple. This was back in the 90’s and I had no guidance from my parents or my school (a public school in Philly).

I 100% agree that kids can learn amazing life lessons from sports, the problem is that a thousand other kids have had a similar experience. If you think your son has a truly unique spin on what can be a very cliche theme then go for it. But know that you risk be one of many similar stories the admissions office will read and forget.

I 100% agree that kids can learn amazing life lessons from sports, the problem is that a thousand other kids have had a similar experience. If you think your son has a truly unique spin on what can be a very cliche theme then go for it. But know that you risk be one of many similar stories the admissions office will read and forget.

@intparent, thank you, and indeed I’ll likely PM you one day on this, but that day is (thankfully!) a ways off.

@Patsfan5x, prior to doing a bit of online research, including CC, re essay writing, I was naive enough to think a well-written sports story essay would actually “wow” an AO. Now, I totally get it that they’ve likely seen several hundred too many such essays.

The tricky thing to me, however, is what does one tell a kid who’s personal best story IS his/her sports story? On one hand, we say, and I think rightly, the essay is your chance to tell your story. Be yourself. Be true. Be honest. OTOH, we tell them to avoid cliches…