<p>I go to a small state school, and I'm a junior. I'm seeing everyone my age with their best friends having fun and everything, and I've hung out with people before, and been in groups, but I was always the underdog, so I left. They never told me when they were hanging out, so the only times I saw them were at home, and we only hung out because we live together. I feel horrible about myself. This is a self-esteem issue...I have indian parents who've never understood my need for friendship, so in high school, I never had any friends either. I'm not even an introvert, I'm actually an extrovert, and I don't know what to do. I'm so lonely, and I know I could be friends with these people, but I just have such bad luck finding real people. I feel like my life hasn't started yet, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to end my life because I know it would hurt my parents beyond reason and I could never do that to them, but I'm in so much pain it's unbearable and it's come to the point that whenever I'm alone in my room I break down in tears. I've only ever had one boyfriend, basically no real friends, the only people in the world who love me are my mom and my dad, and I can't even relate to them because I grew up in America, not India, and i'm going to spend my 21st birthday (November 9th, which is a Friday, by the way) all alone, crying myself to sleep...please help....</p>
<p>Hey, just wanted to say that I’m going through something really similar. I recently graduated college, and it’s been lonely for me as well. I want you to know there are good people out there and that will genuinely care for you too. Seriously, I know it seems like everyone is kinda doing their thing with everyone else, but as Im sure u know, times of isolation and solitude can lead to alot of growth. And in time, ur network with people will expand too. These years are interesting, as we transition from college life to the “real world”. Im starting to realize that alot of the self-assuredness and certainty I carried with me through life isn’t as strong in me, and I’m starting to doubt myself and my capabilities.</p>
<p>It’s tough to dig yourself out of a hole when there’s no real motivation or factor compelling you to change, and I’m going through that myself. I’m wishing you the best, and feel free to message me too.</p>
<p>Thanks Arrowpoint91. That means a lot, and I know. I feel like college was supposed to be my second chance to actually find myself and a group of friends who really cared about me and didn’t just want me because I had a boyfriend or because I got good grades, or anything like that. College is so confusing and I sometimes I wish I did go to a bigger school where there were more opportunities, more clubs, or even just more ways to interact with new people. I feel like I ruined my chance with the only people I really fit in with at my school because I used to date the president of the club (I’m into hiking in the adks, and biking, that sort of thing). It’s hard to believe that it will get better soon, sometimes. What have you been doing since you graduated? Do you still talk to your friends?</p>
<p>Ya know, I had a stint of a job in a big city for a month following graduation, but that fell through. As for keeping in touch with friends, unfortunately that has kinda fallen through too. I was in a fraternity, and you’d think -that- of all things would preserve friendship, but nah for the most part I’ve had little to no contact with friends/brothers there. To be fair, the fraternity kinda fell apart during my last semester. </p>
<p>And don’t even worry. Don’t feel like you are alone. There are so many ppl out there struggling, whether with or own internal demons or with the physical constraints of reality. At least for you, to help cope with the pain, it sounds like you cry, and thats healthy and good, honestly. For me, among others, we deal with addiction and that can fundamentally change our goals and motivation to connect with people. I can’t even tell you how badly I want to stop, and how much worse it makes my situation day in and day out. It’s like being trapped in a self-perpetuating cycle. I actually have another account here on CC and created this one just to respond to you since I am in the same boat.</p>
<p>I know you’re going through something similar, with or without addiction, and I want you to know that in life, we need periods like this to come to understand ourselves better and our world better. It’s an interaction (unhealthy as it may be), with feelings and in isolation. We all enter and leave at the same door ultimately, but in time, we’ll find our paths and things will get better. This is just such a tough time in life, being young and nervous about the future. Uncertainty about school, jobs, people, self-doubt…just want you to know Im goin through it too, and so are lots of us. </p>
<p>Currently I’m considering law school, maybe UC Hastings if I can nab a good LSAT score. But it’s sort of a bummer for me. I really wasn’t considering law in college, and consequently didn’t get the best grades in college either (~3.0 cumulative at a top public university). The addictions didn’t help me either lol. Anyway, my friends that are normally in my hometown (where I’ve been since college) are off at their respective colleges, and my friends back at my school really don’t seem that interested in reconnecting with me (which is fine). That’s why I realize this is a period of time for myself. Im trying hard to slow down on those things that are bad for me, and am going to try to hit the gym frequently, get an LSAT test-prep book, try to find a decent job, and go from there. </p>
<p>Lately I’ve been putting off all of those important things, and have been solely focused on the strange, introspective journey I’ve seemingly been on. I’m gonna try to dig myself outta it, but man it really is tough to get going again, ya know?</p>
<p>God, i definitely do. The problem with us is, or with the rut anyway, is that even though we try to seem unaffected by the transition that we’re going through other people can feel it. They can feel how we’re feeling, and they don’t want to surround themselves with that type of person - I don’t blame them really. I think we’re on the right track. I’m doing things that I love to do and I’m really trying to focus on my major again. Like, I’ve been spending all my time doing science stuff and trying to get a research stint, but yesterday I went white water rafting at Letchworth State Park with one of the clubs I’m in…and I might have even met a guy. Who knows. I’m trying not to worry about everything so much anymore. And I definitely think you’re on the right track too…LSAT scores can make it for anyone, and I think I’m actually going to do something similar to what you’re doing when I’m your age. I want to apply to PA (Physician’s Assistant) after I’m done here - hopefully get in somewhere - land a job in a hospital somewhere, learn the tools of the trade and study for the MCAT, slowly, the whole time. Then, maybe I can get a 25 out of nowhere and go to Med School. And I’ll even have the money to pay for it myself and I won’t have to rely on my over-protective parents anymore, haha.
Your GPA’s exactly where mine is right now. Thanks for replying to my sob story post 
what was applying to grad school like for you? I actually grew up in Texas and I want to go as far south as possible after I’m done here (I’m from NY). Idk if you’re actually from CA or not, but got any suggestions?</p>