<p>I'm a first year starting my 4th week of second semester and I'm feeling lonelier than ever. I'm a naturally shy and very introverted person, but during first semester I tried really hard to reach out and be friendly and open to getting to know people. I have nothing to show for it, and now I feel like everyone's already formed tight groups. I'm not extremely close with anyone, and out of the people I do talk to, they all seem to be gravitating towards different groups. I used to talk to my suitemates a fair amount, but I barely see them anymore. I go to workout classes with one of my suitemates sometimes and I try to get meals with people I know, but that's about it. I keep forcing myself to go to activities fairs or try out clubs but I have yet to find anything I truly enjoy.</p>
<p>It's just getting really hard to spend my weekings alone doing homework. Not that I'm great at that, I feel completely exhausted and unmotivated and I know I'm not doing as well in classes as I could. I feel like everyone around me is having a great time partying with their friends, and it hurts me to hear my friends at other colleges talk about all the fun they're having. I'm not a social butterfly or very energetic, so it wasn't like I was expecting some crazy 'best years of my life' thing- I just wish I was enjoying myself! I feel like I'm just drifting from day to day, and I'm becoming more distant from everything. While my peers are joining clubs and greek life, writing resumes and applying for jobs/interships, I'm struggling to finish assignments on time and find people to talk to. I keep telling myself it's okay and it'll get better...but that's what I've been telling myself since the first weeks of school. I still get homesick and wish I was with my high school friends, and I feel like everyone else has moved past that. I'm getting scared and frustrated for the rest of the semester and following years.</p>
<p>If anyone has any advice or can sympathize with how I feel it would be great- I really just needed a place to vent.</p>
<p>did you just describe my college life ? its like me in another persons social life. icome here to vent every couple weeks when i cant keep lying to my self. i also look for jobs, but im so unmotivated i cant sit and do homework, never parties, has no friends, and my room mate and i are just distant. i mean i wish i was more of the person who gets involves but its just not me. i just want a little enjoyment out of my 40K a year school. but i guess it happens. my room mate even goes to the city and not ask if i want to go, same for parties, wen he knows i talk about dj gigs i did and how i love to party, besides do that at home im pretty lonely and it hurts sometimes.</p>
<p>I’m in the exact same place, right now. It’s hard. I don’t really have anything to try to tell you to make it better, but it sounds like you are doing all the right things. What I’ve found is that when I compare myself to my other friends who post photos and stuff on Facebook about how much fun they are having, I get upset. But, when I don’t compare myself to them, when I try to move on a little bit for myself, I find that I feel okay–never really perfect, but better. I think that’s the key: not comparing yourselves with others. Just do what you need to do for you. That’s what I keep telling myself and it seems to be working. If nothing else, things in life tend to work out for the best. It is bound to get better if you keep working towards it. </p>
<p>It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. Haha. Good Luck!</p>
<p>Wouldn’t it be funny if you all went to the same school? Lol but seriously you got to put forth an effort if you want to find friends and remember a smile is the best way to start a conversation</p>
<p>Are you religious at all? I am Catholic, so when I feel lonely or depressed, I go to Mass and I always feel better and have a better outlook on life.<br>
I am only in high school, so I can only imagine how hard it is to be away from home and lonely. If you are not religious, then maybe some volunteer work would be an option. I think that might keep you from dwelling on your unhappiness and looking at Facebook which only seems to exacerbate your pain and loneliness.<br>
I am truly sorry that you are feeling this way, just know that you are not alone. Don’t let this continue to affect your grades though, let that be the one place where you can succeed and feel good about yourself. You do have control over this aspect of your life!</p>
<p>im not anti social or anything, its just that i m not the type to start up a rave or a good convo. but its just that i would sometimes rather be alone and play games but it gets the best of me sometimes. plus i have nothing in common with my room mate so thats even worse, the partying side of college is dull since u have to go off campus, and i dont drive. but its whatever, sometimes i think college isnt for me. but lets hope i can do it.</p>
<p>Well, I’ve only got one friend, and two acquaintances. I am a solitary, introverted person, but it doesn’t mean I wanna be alone all the time. I actually went crazy starting the few weeks before Thanksgiving. The three friends I used to have would always brush me off (saying they had homework), yet I went and found on Facebook pictures and statuses of them doing fun things. Last week of first quarter, one tells me they forgot to invite me to dinner with them, since I walked into the Dining Commons as they were leaving. Haven’t spoken since, they’ve essentially ditched me, and left me out of the group.
First couple weeks it left me feeling bad about it… But I made a new, stronger friend who will go do anything I wanna do, or ask me to do this or that. My life has improved and I feel better about all this.
I never cared for the college life idea, I just don’t want to spend it alone. But I can tell you, do you have any personal hobbies? For me, biking and taking studying at my school’s arboretum or any grassy area’s helps lay off the “lonliness.” Or go hunt your library for interesting reads, there’s the possibility of making a friend there. Perhaps there’s a person like you, and if you can find that person, it’s great potential.
Just my two cents.</p>
<p>I really do mean this, you just described exactly my situation!!! It’s crazy! I posted a question a couple of days ago aswell about how i felt and i found it hard to put into words but after reading your story, that’s everything i feel. A lot of the answers people give are join clubs, make more of an effort but sometimes that doesn’t even work for us all. I keep telling myself things will change but like you i’m in my second semester (Starting my second week) and i feel so lonely! I don’t want to be partying every week but i would like to go out a little more and have fun! I completely get the motivation thing aswell, i feel so lazy all the time, ya would think that having a practically non-exsistent social life in college would mean one has loads of time to concentrate on their work but the fact of the matter is the loneliness takes over and depresses me that i just don’t want to do anything!! I even thought about quitting college last semester but didn’t. All i can say is i understand 100 per cent how you feel. Your not alone, looking at this site and many others there are so many people in the same boat as us. I know it doesn’t help that much but it does make me feel less like a loser to know that other people feel the same. I’m hoping things will improve in the next couple of weeks, how about we both agree to make an extra special effort to be friendly and chatty towards people? I realised this week that maybe i’m being to passive with people, instead of waiting for them to invite me to a party or to lunch why don’t i ask? I know it’s not easy to do this when your shy (which i am aswell) but we need to make more of an effort, at the end of the day that’s all we can do. Hope i was some help. Best wishes and i really hope that things change for you.</p>
<p>Are we the same person? I am in the same exact situation. I’m in my 5th week of second semester and I am so miserable. There have been days were I have been so close to just going to the registrar and dropping out. I have never been so depressed before in my life. I almost transferred, but then I decided to stick out the second semester to give it another try. So far, it has been just as bad as last semester. It’s hard being shy. It’s good to know that I am not the only person having these problems. Hope things work out for you!</p>
<p>Thanks so much for the advice and kind words everyone, it means a lot. Hopefully we can all get through this! </p>
<p>smokymtngirl- I’ve been to church a few times since starting college, maybe I’ll try going more often. At the very least, it’s something to occupy my time.
I agree that volunteer work is helpful- I just started helping out at a middle school once a week and I love it! I think it’s good to get out of the campus bubble and realize all the different types of people that live in your community. It helps me get away from trying to compare myself to other college students.
This probably doesn’t work as well for people in tiny rural colleges, but it’s worth trying if you guys can! </p>
<p>RubyGirl- Sorry to hear about your previous friends- sounds awful! But it’s great that you’re better off now. Hopefully things improve for me too. As far as hobbies go, there’s some trails behind my dorm that help me clear my mind. It’s way too cold now, but maybe during spring I’ll invite someone to go hiking or something. </p>
<p>Collegenewbie- Haha, I definitely agree on the college workload. Feeling worried and unhappy doesn’t exactly lead to a great work ethic! It’s comforting to see that other people are going through this same thing. Good for you for sticking it out for the rest of the year! And I will definitely will try to be a bit more social and invite people to do things more often. </p>
<p>These were all really sweet comments, feeling a bit better already! Best of luck to everyone, and if any of you ever need to vent feel free to PM me.</p>
<p>heresaname- Didn’t see your comment. Sorry to hear things have been rough, I hope you can stick it out for the rest of the semester! (I guess this goes for agentgaza too). </p>
<p>Another short term solution that works for me is exercising. I’ve never been at all athletic, but I’m going to gym a lot more frequently now just to get of my dorm room. It gives you something else to think about, plus feeling healthier never hurts!</p>
<p>Yup, that’s my life right there. I totally identify with you. To be honest, I’m really glad I went looking online to see if other people feel the same way and found out that people do because I was under the same impression as you, that everyone is just having a massive blast while I’m swimming through periodical depression and spend every Friday at home (not that there’s anything wrong with that by the way, I think that it’s easy to overstate parties and that lifestyle, having me-time is pretty darn important too, just not too much). </p>
<p>It’s really easy for other people who are good at making friends to say “oh just smile and greet people and you’ll make friends” - it’s not true, you can smile and laugh and talk all you want, yet if you don’t live on campus for example, or just don’t belong to their friend circles, you’re just NOT going to suddenly have tons of friends.</p>
<p>Especially if you go to large university like I do. It’s honestly exhausting how many strange faces I see every day. I’ve been trying to be a little more proactive in one my of classes this semester because I’m graduating in May and there’s a guy I’m interested it, but honestly, it’s really difficult this late in the game!</p>
<p>If you’re going to try to “fake it” until you make some friends, do it as early as possible, trying to change things around senior year is almost pointless because you’ll be leaving anyway.</p>