<p>S will be starting college in the fall. He's been with a tight knit group of friends, and had a blast in high school with them (sometimes at the expense of his studies).</p>
<p>When it came to applying to colleges, he wanted to apply to colleges not too far from home, usually ones his friends applied to. Now that acceptances are coming out, it looks like the closest of his friends are going to choose different schools than his.</p>
<p>Now I spoke to him about this previously, but I think he harbored some fantasy of them all going to together and sharing dorm rooms and continuing as if it were high school. So now reality is setting in for him.</p>
<p>I know I'm probably being a nervous parent, but I kind of worry about him starting out at a new place with strangers. S is a wonderful kid, but can be kind of naive and gullible. Definitely not a very mature or worldly almost eighteen year old.</p>
<p>I guess I am looking for suggestions for helping him make the transition, without having his friends at his back.</p>
<p>both my D’s attended/ are attending schools within 200 miles of home.
Their friends from high school often attended schools on the opposite coast. As the schedules of the schools are also different, this meant that their friends could visit them at school, if they weren’t able to see them during a common break.</p>
<p>My younger daughter attended a comprehensive inner city public high school after attending a very small K-12 alternative school. I suggested to her that she join a club or sports team. She was in sports all through high school as well as a few clubs, it made a big difference. You can do the same thing in college- along with an on campus job, it is a great way to meet people outside of your dorm.</p>
<p>If the school he attends is really on top of things, the Orientation will totally immerse him into the University life. He will make new friends right away & will probably stay friends with some of these people for the rest of his life! </p>
<p>The Orientation, the dormitory life, classes, a Work Study job will give your son plenty of oppportunity to meet new people and have a great social/academic life. </p>
<p>You are probably worrying for nothing! But I have been through this 3 times now & #4 is going in August.</p>
<p>My son plans on trying out as a walk on for his college baseball team. He knows his chances are slim to none and has no issues with getting cut, but he feels that after a week of tryouts he will make some friends on the team as these are stereotypically the type of kids he likes to hang out with and he seems to want to stay in his comfort zone. Good idea or bad idea…I don’t know, but at least he will be making an effort.</p>
<p>Lots of schools have no cut- teams- intermural/rec league of competitiveness.
My D has been playing on the volleyball and soccer intermural teams @ school, because she likes different sports/wants free time to go snowboarding- when you play competitively in college, that often means that takes up all your free time and then some.</p>
<p>also if he has transportation, he may enjoy coaching a younger kids team in the town. They always need coaches.</p>
<p>Since your S seems to have fit in just fine in HS with a nice group of friends and activities, there’s no reason to think he wouldn’t do the same at college even if he starts out not knowing anyone. He’ll find himself with roommates as well as other students living next door and across the hall (if living there), in classes with others, doing projects with others, going to activities with others, and if he’s interested, in clubs and organizations with others. </p>
<p>Realistically, even if he were to attend the same college as his HS friends, they can grow apart at the college level as they develop different interests, find themselves associated with a lot more people with different backgrounds, etc. The last thing he should do is find himself ‘stuck’ pining for the good ole HS days. This isn’t to say that a HS friend wouldn’t still be his friend, but he’ll likely move on somewhat as will his friends.</p>
<p>The bottom line - I wouldn’t worry about it at all. Once he goes he’ll likely be fine.</p>
<p>If your S is living in the dorms, chances are he’ll make his main group of friends there. That’s where I’ve made all of my best friends, with a few exceptions made through classes and clubs.</p>
<p>It’s normal for him to worry about this–my senior year of high school I couldn’t imagine life without these amazing friends I had. College is interesting when people go away in that it makes you realize who your real friends are. There are the people I haven’t spoken to since June, the people I talk to sometimes but probably won’t actually see again until the reunion, the people I see every once in a while on vacation, and the people I see every time I go home without fail. If your S’s friends are really good ones (as they seem to be from the details of your post), they’ll keep in touch. But bear in mind that they may very well grow apart as they enter college in different towns and possibly various states. Those different experiences can drastically change people.</p>
<p>My friends from home in SoCal always tell me I’m different when I come home for a visit…not worse or better, just different. My good friends are happy that I’m happy and leave it at that. The “difference” was enough to drive some “friends” away, but the best friends have stuck with me. Hopefully the same will happen for your S. :)</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for the advice and encouragement. My worries get the best of me late at night :-)</p>
<p>As you can probably tell, he is my first out of the nest. I am happy for him, just worried because the first step out, I feel will be a huge one. I will not be around to do many of the things he has taken for granted, and will not be around to help him navigate through situations.</p>
<p>Part of my worry came out of the fact that he had a terrible time in middle school, with bullying and such. Part of it was the ‘Lord of the Flies’ atmosphere at that school, the age bracket he was in, but also his earnest, good natured, somewhat naive personality mad him ripe pickings for those bent on abusing someone. High School was totally different for him. As well as his close friends, he had a wide range of aquaintances from many social groups. So I am probably worrying for nothing. </p>
<p>His school has a several day orientation, which sounds like it will be helpful. And he will know some people there. I realize, on thinking about it, that I can be more proactive in helping him transition too. I need to make sure he knows how to deal with/navigate some things he will need to do in the fall, but I suppose there is a certain amount of ‘learning it the hard way’ involved too. Part of growing up.</p>
<p>My second child is on the shy side and decided to attend a college 7 hours away where he knew no one. He is now a senior there and met all of his closest friends during a pre-frosh outdoor orientation.</p>
<p>It’s totally normal for you all to worry. It’s probably the biggest thing you all have had to do. You can tell him that with very few exceptions, every single freshman will be in the exact same position as he will, and even the ones who go to college with HS friends usually branch out and find new friends. My D is in her third year, and I agree with some of the above notes in that she found her closest two or three friends at Orientation. Then through classes and ECs, as other have said, things start to happen. It is only hard for a day or two at most, and even then, it’s only REALLY hard for the first half hour. It may be harder on you, as his parent, so you do need to get ready for that…</p>
<p>Thanks kathiep for the book suggestion, I will check it out, and franglish for reassurance.
I’ve been thinking some more and realize I’ve been having the first bittersweet moments of this whole experience. </p>
<p>I was so enthusiastic and excited throughout the whole college search and application process. I was happy for him, helping him to plan the next stage of his life. Now that he’s been accepted and making concrete plans, it’s finally starting to sink in. He’s taking the final steps to grow up and start life on his own. Now I’m having all the maudlin thoughts about how it seems just the other day I was chasing around S as a rambunctious toddler.</p>
<p>Like I said, he’s still young and immature for his age, so he still seems very much my boy in many ways. So in transitioning, he will change for the better as he learns to stand on his own two feet, but that means I’ll have to let go of the vestiges of my little boy.</p>
<p>Wow. this started out as concern for S, but I think it was really about unexamined feelings I was having. I was so not expecting this. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement and reassurance. It seems to be more a case of how to help mom while S is moving beyond high school.</p>
<p>I received an excellent suggestion about looking into residential learning communities; It seems like it would be great for S. He would get support from others in the engineering school, which for him would be great since the academic transition is a big concern for me too. He was not very motivated in high school, and he is going into an engineering program populated with high achievers.</p>
<p>S was non committal about the idea. I think he wants to see who from his school is going to end up there and may want to room with someone he knows. I can see where that would appeal to him, but I don’t think he sees how invaluable it would be to have advisors and support for what he’s doing built in to his living situation.</p>