Starting Over

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi. I haven't posted (nor even lurked much) since this past spring. S #1 is now a freshman and we survived the process! Now, S #2 is a junior at a public 'magnet' school for science/tech, and very, very different from S1. </p>

<p>S2 is so very different from S1 in every way imaginable, although probably equally as bright. However, in addition to having a disability (attention deficit disorder), he is involved in very few ECs, and his grades are 'minimally average', even though his test scores are relatively strong (particularly considering he is 1-2 years younger than his classmates). In hindsight, I would not have allowed him to move a year ahead in school, particularly as so many of his classmates have actually been held back a year, making him 2 years younger than most of them (will also drive much later, etc.)</p>

<p>Anyway, S2 is not at all interested in any 'support' from his parents, other than having visited 2 of the state universities (which may be reaches for him under the circumstances). </p>

<p>Not sure how to proceed with him at all. S1 pretty much did things on his own in preparation for college admissions, but we (parents) did try to read up on things and at least give him some guidance in terms of timeline reminders, proofreading essays for grammatical errors, and the like (application fees, etc.). He (S1) has always been a 'last-minute' person, however---literally emailed his application/essays to his college of choice minutes before the deadline--and was accepted! Not the sort of model that S2 needed to see, of course.</p>

<p>At this point, S2 is very resistant to any offers from us to even discuss or explore options for him, and I am afraid that he will decide too late that he wishes he had been more proactive. (This has been a pattern with him in general.) My thought is that maturity is a factor.</p>

<p>I'm feeling pretty helpless and do not know whether to just let him falter and fail or whether to be more involved (and if so, how). </p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

2

<p>Three boys! Wow. I have two, and one, like yours, is a junior with such similar characteristics that I could have written your post myself. The chances of this son being open to parental suggestion are simply nil. However, he does seem to take some suggestions from other people he trusts. We think he will listen a little to the counselor at school. We are fortunate that she is apprised of colleges that will take students with B's and even the occasional C. Any chance you could make the acquaintance of the counselor at your school (or is there any hope there?) or talk to a teacher he admires/trusts? Are there any college fairs around that he could or would attend to get some ideas?</p>

<p>So much of the college application process requires attention to detail. . .it is one thing that worries me in advance about son #2. We CAN hope that they do a bit of growing in the year that is ahead.</p>