<p>Hi everyone, I'm new in this forum, but really need some help, I don't know where to turn. We live in a state (Utah) where VERY few students go out of state to college. They only seem to aspire to the local religious university. We are not from here, and I'm having a hard time getting my sophomore son interested in even talking about colleges, because none of his friends are.
I went through all this with our daughter a few years ago. She is now a sophomore at WashU. in St. Louis. What should have been a very fun, exciting time for her, comparing colleges and college visits with friends, etc, was actually a very lonely time for her. At least she was driven enough to want to talk about schools, and visit, etc.
My son is very bright and has a good group of friends, but only one of them may be aspiring to moving out of here, (and no one talks about what school they're going to, because they have known all their lives), which doesn't help my son's motivation.
My question: Does anyone have any ideas how I can get him motivated or excited to start down the college-search path, when he will most likely be alone as my daughter was?
Thanks for any ideas!</p>
<p>Look for summer programs at some different states. let him spend a week or two on the coast at a campus or two. Sophomore year isn't the final end all.</p>
<p>I would be planning a vacation near a college that has majors and/ or activities he enjoys. If he likes to swim or surf I would head to a coastal area, if he skis, off to the mountains I would go. I would make sure we visit this college during the part of the year that showcases it best. it might not be total reality but it might get him enthused enough to start thinking about college.</p>
<p>Good Luck.</p>
<p>I guess the question I have is; have you asked your son what he wants to do? Do you automatically want him to go to school outside of Utah because you believe the only schools there are religious? Is it possible that maybe he wants to go to Utah or BYU or a similar school. Basically; what does he have to say about the subject. That is the most important thing. Also; not saying this is your situations, but does he want to go to college? Not everyone goes to college. But, assuming that he has good grades; has dreams that require college; and has certain goals; ask him what he wants.</p>
<p>Is your daughter enjoying WUSL? Because one way to get your son excited is to send him to St. Louis to spend a long weekend with her. It would be a good "bonding" experience -- and might get him excited about living in a different place once he sees the college experience first-hand. I know my own son's ideas changed about college once he spent some time with his older sister in Boston -- this Colorado boy suddenly became very interested in east coast city living.</p>
<p>See if you can search for some of the other threads from mothers of sons. As I recall, many of them talk about a lack of enthusiasm about colleges from sons (and even from daughters like mine during sophomore year!). You may get some advice there.</p>
<p>That being said, I don't think it's all that unusual, even in college-intensive areas, for kids not to want to deal with the issue of college as a sophomore. It's a really scary thing. Until now, they've known where they'd be for the next leg of their school. My d wouldn't talk about specific schools until January of junior year, once she had her SAT scores and I told her about some schools I thought she'd like to visit over February break!</p>
<p>I didn't even think about schools until the middle of junior year. In retrospect, it was far too late for me to go back and try to salvage my grades, but I think I got to enjoy and find my own interests more. And I'm going to a very good college anyway.</p>
<p>Chedva beat me to it. MOS (mother of son) here.</p>
<p>Quite probably, the time horizon your daughter was on, in terms of being interested in all things college, will NOT be the time horizon for your son. And that is nothing to worry about.</p>
<p>I would suggest that the only college-related thing he needs to think about now is appropriate high school preparation. Doing his best, of course. But taking the appropriate courses for the type and selectivity of college he might someday aspire to. Ergo, if he might aim for the most selective, make sure he has the 4 yrs math, 4 yrs for lang, 4 yrs English etc etc; and that he takes the "most challenging courseload" available to him. If that level of selectivity will not make sense for him, then check a few schools he might eventually be looking at and make sure his hs curriculum follows their required/recommended preparation.</p>
<p>Pursuing his interests outside of school in such a way that he shows commitment to them and can eventually show schools what he will bring beyond academics is also important. He need not (and really should not) add activities to his "resume" for the sake of having EC's. But he should follow his heart in whatever outside interests float his boat, be they athletic, academic, artistic or in the world of work.</p>
<p>I also think that, for many boys, even ones with a wide and/or deep circle of friends, sharing the college admissions experience is NOT going to happen. Ask any of us MOS about the gadzillion times we'd ask our boys, "So, where is Zach thinking of applying?" (Zach being a friend since age 3) and get a shrug, a grunt or a quizzical look as if our question comes from outer space. They just don't talk about these things with each other.</p>
<p>I surely do see the challenge, if you are hoping he'll look outside of his backyard for college possibilities, of being in an environment where either few go to college or few go outside of State U (or, in your case I'm guessing BYU). The suggestion someone made above of a summer program might help with that.</p>
<p>One of the first things which interested my S in thinking about what type of college might be right for him was the Counselor-O-Matic interactive questionnaire on Princeton Review (I think). Naturally, I'm the one who found the site and sat at the computer and clicked. But I would ask him each question and give him the multiple choices (they build humor into it, too - which helps) and he really enjoyed doing that. </p>
<p>In our case, the hs sends kids all over the country to all levels of selectivity and has excellent guidance. They start the process, really, in junior year - and not too early in junior year. Does your kid's school do anything in that vein?</p>
<p>Good luck. Don't despair. There is plenty of time. And you will be back here often as he appears to lack excitement about each step in the process (writing essays, for example ;)). We've been there, we MOS.</p>
<p>P.S. If you have not read "Accept My Kid Please! A dad's descent into college application hell" by Hank Herman, I cannot recommend it too strongly for parents of boys. Hilarious and comforting.</p>
<p>I second the suggestion for an interesting summer program in a college-intensive area like New England. At the very least, he may meet a girl who's interested in going to college and will talk to him about it. (Which is how my nephew decided where to apply.)</p>
<p>;)</p>
<p>One 3 week summer academic experience and son number two woke up. He simply never heard a word we said,,,even when visiting his brother at Duke until he was left on his own with his own age peers on college campus. He was often in the car when we would see colleges but totally indifferent. Might as well have been nattering on about the Revolutionary War or DAR.</p>
<p>Suddenly, he realized he needed to figure out what his particular preferences were once he was in a dorm himself. Still, if he wants to do ED and not make a full time fall big deal out of it we will be happy to oblige.</p>
<p>I'm just wondering why you would choose to live in Utah of all places seeing as how you are Bengali (from your username)? That's not to say I think you should move, but I'm just curious why choose Utah of all places?</p>
<p>You and your son are probably a little more advance in this adventure than other families; And if you have a different background than most of the people around you, you may have a broader view of life and the future. </p>
<p>For this particular faith, Utah is home. Not much one can say about that. </p>
<p>I predict that your thread will garner many replies. You will discover that most of the posters on CC have kids going to places other than their home state schools. Mine is currently in India, Bangalore, via Toronto, Pittsburgh, Oregon.</p>
<p>I completely understand. It's BYU blue or U of U red for most kids, with the outliers going to Utah State or SUSU. For the most part peer students, their parents, and HS counselors won't think beyond that.</p>
<p>If you want your son to think outside the Utah box it will have to come from home. Luckily you are dialed into CC. Good luck!</p>
<p>I like the idea of the summer college program, but I would have had no luck convincing my son to do something even remotely academic after sophmore year. Can you convince the friend who might be interested in college outside Utah to come along on a family vacation that includes some stops at college campuses? A friend and I took our two rising juniors on a driving trip last summer along the California coast, visiting college campuses and Magic Mountain (the only reason they agreed to go on the trip). It turned out to be hugely successful. They got to do a lot of the driving (and improved their driving skills immensely), and they actually started getting excited about college! Being with a friend really enhanced the experience for both of them.</p>
<p>Where I'm from there are generally about 20-40 (rough estimate) people out of a class of 500 that go to college out of state. Many of the rest don't go to college and the vast majority of the two that do go to one of the two huge in state colleges. There are only two really large colleges in the state. Anyway, I wanted to go out of state, but as you can imagine I was pretty much the only only person I knew that did. Just about everyone else was going to Marshall with a few at WVU, and many of the people leaving were going ivy or better (since those were the ones that got out.) It was a bit lonely and it was a little hard to get excited at times, but I was determined to get out so I did. It's all up to whether he wants to get out or not. And as a sophomore he really doesn't have to be worrying about it yet.</p>
<p>No son but I agree with those who suggest the subtle ways... Vacation, driving trips, whatever...My d's were not so interested their soph yr.</p>
<p>If his sister is happy at WUSTL, I think sending him there for a long weekend is a great idea...</p>
<p>I'll just echo what others have said. Very few sophomore boys want to think about college. Neither of mine did. The main thing to encourage now, is taking a good college prep program and finding something interesting to do this summer. (It can be a job, a volunteer activity or an academic course.) My oldest really didn't even want to think about colleges spring break senior year, when I dragged him around on college visits, but he got his applications done and is in college now!</p>
<p>Wow! Thanks for all the input people! I'll address some of the things that were brought up.
afruff23-- sorry for the misunderstanding. I'm not Bengali; my son's school mascot is the Bengals (tigers). :) And believe me, I'm not living here by choice (husband's job transfer).
sherpa -- you sound like you understand. You must be from this part of the country. :)
My daughter is enjoying WashU, although since it's in the "outside world" it was a bit of culture shock at first. My son has been there twice with us, so at least he's had a little taste of it. Being NOT from here, but having ended up raising our kids here, we have taken them out as much as possible and taught them about the real world. Quite an uphill battle here though. Perhaps a little like a non-Catholic living in Rome?? :)
Anyway, I have looked into college summer programs, but my son hasn't been very keen on the idea yet He will be playing in a soccer tournament in Europe this summer, which I think will be a great experience for him.
And we are planning a trip "back East" in June to visit 6 schools of varying size, since he's not sure what type of school he wants. He is a 4.0 student so far,and is very interested in biology and will probably pursue that. And unfortunately, the over-worked school couselors can't provide much time or encouragement. They have over 500 students each! I've never met his counselor for this year-- she covers the entire sophomore class of about 650.
And as far as staying in state, that is not even a possiblility that is discussed. My goal since we moved here is to get my children OUT.
This is just a very frustrating system and I feel I'm swimming upstream alone.
I appreciate all the input! My son and I have looked at the short summer programs Brown has for prospective pre-meds, which did interest him, and he may do one of those next summer.
Faline2 -- that's great! I'm hoping that is what will happen with my son -- that something will "wake him up".
MarinMom -- great idea. I had actually thought about that --taking our son and his friend to southern Cal to visit some schools and tie in a trip to Disneyland.
thejmmom -- thanks for the great support, and the tip about the book. It sounds very entertaining! I'll probably get it to add to the collection. Right now I'm reading an awesome book called "Winning the Heart of the Admissions Dean". I recommend it highly. Also reading a great book form the student perspective: "Students' Guide to Colleges: The Definitive Guide to America's Top 100 Schools Written by the Real Experts -- the Students Who Attend Them".
Thanks everyone!</p>
<p>@BengalMom</p>
<p>I know this sounds obvious, but have you asked him what he wants to do? Did you ask him "Do you want to stay in Utah for college or go elsewhere?" Maybe he really does want to go to college elsewhere, but is not interested at this time in searching for colleges. To be honest, I don't think it's worth it to stress over something like this while he's still a sophomore. When he starts taking SATs in his junior year, he'll probably search for colleges he likes to determine what scores he needs.</p>
<p>For me, I get a vibe that YOU are more interested in controlling your son's life than his future. Your daughter didn't talk about colleges until SATs came along and to me it sounds like she is doing just fine and is quite happy.</p>