Here is my 1st Essay for Vanderbilt- i need Criticism ASAP

<p>This is my first essay for Vandy Application...Criticize it and Tell me how i can improve in the other two.</p>

<pre><code> *Astronomy is my passion. *It’s one that has started out from (a youthful novice) staring at the night sky to (a hound) having thousands of questions... *Then, it reached its zenith upon receiving my first astronomical instrument: a binocular.

My interest in Astronomy was born under the perfect night sky of Haiti. *Where I would spend most of my dark hours as it was the most amazing matter at sight. Whether I was stargazing or contemplating its existence, the threshold of my imagination would journey far beyond its brightest lights. *I would be ideating nonsensical theories about them, such as the sole purpose of the moon and the stars was to illuminate earth. *My mind was just aching for an understanding of the sky‘s essence.

*Ergo, I had to be introduced to the true science. *To sate my lust for knowledge, My uncle, a science buff, bought me an atlas about the Universe . With it, I was widely exposed to many wondrous subjects; specifically those about the scope of our galaxy, the planets within, and the other forms of celestial objects in the cosmos. My grasp of the deep sky was rapidly broadened. Cosmic thoughts and queries were expeditiously rising in my mind. Seeing how passionate I was about learning at such an early age (I was around 10 years old ), my uncle took me under his arms. Over the years, he went on to become the most important figure in my life; as he was the only person that was able to handle my constant inquiring. Yet, he was growing tired of me; because I always contradicted his view through arguments.

As a result , our scientific, rather philosophical bond was receding. It finally ended when I migrated to the United States. Before I parted away from him, he bought me a binocular. This was enough to help me fully realize that astronomy should not simply be a passion., but rather my profession. Like my uncle, it turned into the guiding light of my continuous journey. It trained my eyes to find my way around the sky. Through its lenses, I’ve seen number of celestial events; including the Leonid meteor shower in 2001and the Quadrantids in 2003.

While moving here deprives me from seeing a sublime night sky with the naked eyes, and having occasional conversation with my uncle; I feel like it’s the most beneficial way to pursue my ultimate goal. Being in this country, I’ve been getting my hands on resources and technologies that I didn’t know existed. I’ve been uncovering more than I knew. I’ve been gradually extracting scientific answers to my queries. I’ve found people that remarkably share the same interest as I. More importantly, I’ve been laying down a concrete path for the rest of my odyssey.
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<p>i know it isn't perfect but it is good enough for someone who has been speaking and writing English for just over 4 years.</p>

<p>By the way it's a rough draft and the asterisks serve no purpose</p>