Heres a question and an essay to look over. Please and thank you!

<p>Alright, the first question is....</p>

<p>Will being placed on disciplinary probation for possession of paraphernalia (pipe) harm my chances of getting into the University of Michigan?</p>

<p>and....</p>

<p>can you please take a look at my essay? Its for the common app, which asks my reasons for transferring and what I'd like to achieve.</p>

<p>It also notes that it should be the same for all colleges. However, I am only applying to transfer to the UofM. So please tell me if I should not specify UofM in my essay. Be as harsh and honest as you can. Thanks.</p>

<p>“I can’t believe we’re dropping him off.”
These words replayed themselves many times over the course of my first semester at college. I overheard my mother utter these words in the car after we exchanged goodbyes and as I was walking up the hill to my dorm. I lived with my family in my hometown for the first 18 years of my life, so this was my first experience truly being away from home. Looking at my first semester in retrospect, it struck me that the experience of leaving home to live by total strangers in an unfamiliar area was more challenging than I originally thought it would be. Now, I have friends on the basketball team, thanks to the opportunity to manage the team. I have made friends from Chicago, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Atlanta, and various other cities and small towns. I was able to establish a common bond with people from places I’ve never been, and that taught me a bit about myself. I can say that I overcame the challenge that is loneliness.
My experience first semester taught me more about who I am than any event prior to it. Being surrounded by total unfamiliarity made me drop whatever image I had of myself in my hometown. I realized that I did indeed have a fresh slate to work with, and that I could be whoever I wanted to be. This also brought about questions like, “Who do I want to be?” and “Who am I”? I realized that I am capable of creating my own, bright future. Transferring to the University of Michigan would be a bold step for me, truly one that says, “I know who I am, and what I can do.” When choosing what college I would attend my senior year of high school, I now feel as if I didn’t have as much as a choice as I would have liked.
My sister is currently a senior at the college I attend, with plans to graduate, and my father graduated from this college in 1972. I felt pressured to attend the same college as well, with the family history that was starting. Though the college I currently attend has well-established academics, I truly feel as if a degree of the University of Michigan would be my ticket to a bright future and would also bring me one step closer to a personal goal of mine. By transferring schools, I would get a better definition of who I am by looking at why I transferred. I know that I can handle the pressure of being thrown into a new area, all alone, and make new friends. I believe that being able to call Ann Arbor “home” during these developmental years would be an incredible honor. Having visited the campus and surrounding city with my grandmother and aunt several times throughout the years, I cannot help but to wonder how living in such a culturally and academically strong city will sculpt the person who I am to become. I can assure you, I will explore much of what Ann Arbor has to offer.</p>

<p>Uh, looking over it, it seems like why I want to transfer seems hard to pick up. I want to transfer because I am generally unhappy with the college I am at, and that I feel like if I wasn’t pressured by family (mainly father), I most likely would have chosen to go somewhere else. I’ve always liked the UofM, and its impressive academic and cultural setting make me believe it would be an ideal setting to discover myself</p>

<p>I’m considering focusing more on how I believe that a very important kind of learning takes place outside of the classroom, and how the University of Michigan has more of an intellectual college setting than a degree-factory college where the students are uninterested in intellectual learning.</p>

<p>You really really ought to not post the text of any essays for the public, you know</p>

<p>I think the second approach would be better about learning outside of the classroom. You need something beyond Ann Arbor being cool and that the University of Michigan has great academics. You could also make the whole thing a bit more precise and maybe put in a sentence about what made it challenging to live away.</p>

<p>t26e4, I do not plan on using this exact essay. It will be so heavily edited that it won’t resemble this at all when I submit my application. Thanks for your concern, but I have already thought over posting material on this website.</p>