<p>This is pre teacher-editing. Any suggestions??? if anyone needs the prompt, let me know. thank you guys so much.</p>
<pre><code> The alarm sounds and as I rub the fog from my eyes I look at the source, the bright red numbers read 5:30am. I reach over with my left hand and feel around for the off button to cease that terrible noise. Getting out of the bed is the hardest part as I reach under my bed to pull out my blue worn tennis shoes. I stretch out the heel to slide them on, tie the laces, and tip-toe down stairs, trying not to wake up the baby. My dad, who is just getting read for the day, tells me good morning, and I let him know that I will be back shortly, even though hes used to this routine.
I step down off the porch and as my foot hits the pavement I instantly awaken. The beautiful colors of the sun hitting the earth start to fill the sky way off in the distance. As my feet find their tune, I take a drink from my water bottle, and I am off to try and catch some of those red hues.
The roads new black top pavement feels so soft and comforting against my heels and the beat of my shoes vibrates all the way up to my ears. As I listen, along with the sweat, my worries start to evaporate away into nothing, making me ten pounds lighter. All I can focus on is the dark evergreens and the jolting, yet refreshing pains spiking up my calves and my sides. The physical pain is an effective distraction from the real world. It makes me want to be the next Forest Gump, and never stop running.
Suddenly I hit grass that is about 2 inches to tall and I then realize that life is still there anxiously awaiting my return. I quietly open the heavy oak door and my dad is there reading the paper, with a cup of tea and my breakfast at the table. He tells me my time for the morning, still not Olympic speed, so I remind myself set my alarm again tonight. Maybe tomorrow Ill reach the sunrise.
</code></pre>
<p>It's personal - it shows you striving towards something and keeping life in perspective. I'd edit a few of the lines to give more of an active voice, but this is a fine first draft.</p>
<p>that was a very enjoyable read! I noticed how you didn't mention the word, "run" at all in your composition, but your description is a perfect example of showing writing. I think you've got some excellent work here...but I'm not an admissions counselor so I can't really make any judgments :)</p>
<p>thank you guys... sorry if there are any typos. I did think it was forest though. that sentence seems a bit unneeded though, so i may just delete it. One major ?.... does it seem too short?</p>
<p>"My dad, who is just getting read for the day, tells me good morning, and I let him know that I will be back shortly, even though he’s used to this routine. "</p>
<p>It's a very good idea, but could be written better.</p>
<p>this is the first copy. but if it doesnt make sense, the paper is meant to be read slowly. Pausing at all the comas, will make it more understandable. but yes, i understand, and thanks for the input, ill make sure i work on that part a bit more.</p>
<p>What if i edited it to: "My dad, who is just getting read for the day, tells me good morning. I let him know that I will be back shortly, even though he’s used to this routine. "</p>
<p>the teacher who edited my paper told me that this essay does not come off to explain anything about myself, and shouldnt be submitted to the college. What do you all think. Do you get a sense who i could be as a person, or am i way off?</p>
<p>Anglswings
The essay should explain things that can't be seen from the rest of application. If you already say you are on the track or cross country team, telling them that you run doesn't really add to their knowledge about you. More importantly, it should explain what YOU can bring to the school -- how you can make the student body better by your presence.<br>
I see in another thread you say that you lost a brother in your freshman year. I'm very sorry to hear that. Losing a sibling is always hard. If it is not too painful, wouldn't an essay about how you handled that tragedy, and what it meant to your faith, tell ND something deeper about you? Did it bring you closer to your church? Does it make you more interested in service or campus ministry? I'll wager there is a genuine and powerful story just under the surface that you need to let out, but I don't think this essay, pleasant as it is, represents that story.</p>