"Here's Something to Make You Smile"

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<h2>Well, it depends on your political views, really. I received this email from a friend's neighbor whose husband is serving as a colonel in Iraq. The original message was written in Arabic, but has been translated by numerous soldiers. Here it is:</h2>

<p>"Wouldn't it be great to turn on the TV and hear any U.S. president or presidential candidate, democrat or republican, give the following speech?</p>

<p>My Fellow Americans,
As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.</p>

<p>Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.</p>

<p>This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.</p>

<p>Before me I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia and Poland are some of the countries listed there.</p>

<p>The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.</p>

<p>Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases, immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraq war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT Will GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.</p>

<p>The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .</p>

<p>In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations: Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .</p>

<p>I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mez amies.</p>

<p>I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York .</p>

<p>A special note to our neighbors: Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not ****ing us off for a change.</p>

<p>Mexico is also on List 2. Its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.</p>

<p>Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.
Beginning next month, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.</p>

<p>It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'</p>

<p>Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.</p>

<p>To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.</p>

<p>God bless America . Thank you and good night.</p>

<h2>If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier."</h2>

<p>It's a bit extreme, but still makes for a good laugh.</p>

2

<p>Nice, except for the fact that it'll never happen.</p>

3

<p>^yep, and I believe it would be "bonne chance, <strong>mes amis</strong>"</p>

4

<p>Made me smile</p>

5

<p>Most of it made me smile, part of it made me remember why so many countries hate us lol.</p>

6

<p>It could be more subtle. Not really my type of joke... Even if my political views were different, I'd still find it sort of offensive. But whatever, it won't hurt me. I don't typically have a problem with jokes that aren't politically correct... it's just that this one is preeeeetty extreme.</p>

7

<p>^Yeah, it's definitely extreme, and the Pres would NEVER make a speech like that because we'd probably get nuked the next day.</p>

8

<p>never going to happen, nor should it happen.</p>

<p>and i'm not saying this because my political views differ with the speech.</p>

9

<p><em>Pukes</em> </p>

<p>
[quote]
My Fellow Americans,
As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Please, no more lies. We got our sorry asses kicked in Iraq despite the media's pathetic attempts to make the religion of Islam appear responsible for everything and everyone knows it. The media's warfare on American Muslims has been less than subtle. </p>

<p>And cutting off aid for those who need it.... wow. Where's the humanity? </p>

<p>Cutting off aid to those who refuse to help themselves or use the money poorly is fine. Let's not blame Mexico for illegal immigration problems, blame the U.S. Illegal mmigration has LONG been a problem and we have never bothered to fix it. </p>

<p>
[quote]
Beginning next month, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Pathetic. This country is addicted to oil and that addiction needs to be stopped. Let's keep ****ing up the planet we live on, we're already doing a great job at it. Brazil, probably one of those hell holes you referred to, even handles the "oil crisis" better than the U.S. </p>

<p>
[quote]
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations: Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Yeah right. Osama is supposedly the one responsible for these terrorist attacks and he's probably having a jolly good time right now. If he was actually responsible for the attacks (which I highly doubt; a former CIA tactition and those times we failed to even try to capture Osama) then he definitely showed the world we are easily ****ed with. </p>

<p>And pointing terrorism to another country, as if American lives are more valuable than Chinese or French lives, is just plain inhumane. </p>

<p>
[quote]
Bonne chance, mez amies.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I never want to hear another president try to attempt a foreign language every again... </p>

<p>
[quote]
Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not ****ing us off for a change.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Yep, let's just express our dominance over countries that never bother anyone. Maybe a Canadian will be the next major terrorist to attack us and we'll invade Mexico in search of him. Sound good?</p>

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<p>^never mind. BeKindRewind just made me like the speech so much more.</p>

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<p>*We got our sorry asses kicked in Iraq *</p>

<p>No we didn't.</p>

<p>he's probably having a jolly good time right now</p>

<p>LOL if you call hiding for the rest of your life a 'jolly good time' then you're right.</p>

12

<p>Someone<em>cough</em> BeKindRewind <em>cough</em> cannot take a joke. Know that is "Pathetic."</p>

13

<p>
[quote]
Let's not blame Mexico for illegal immigration problems, blame the U.S. Illegal mmigration has LONG been a problem and we have never bothered to fix it.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Yes, it's our fault they're all coming here ILLEGALLY and not following the rules we've already set down. Not to mention that people from all over the world manage to come here legally. but yeah, it's all our fault that Mexicans think they should get a free pass just because they're our neighbor.</p>

<p>You know what? If you hate the US so much, get the **** out and go live in some other country, since obviously they're so much better than us. Might make you appreciate things just a little bit more.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Someone<em>cough</em> BeKindRewind <em>cough</em> cannot take a joke. Know that is "Pathetic."

[/quote]

QFT.</p>

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<p>BeKindRewind's post was funnier than the joke itself.</p>

15

<p>You know what? If you hate the US so much, get the **** out and go live in some other country, since obviously they're so much better than us. Might make you appreciate things just a little bit more.</p>

<p>Dear lord. Unrestrained vitriol? ridiculously unnecessary and uncalled for. Everyone has the right to their opinions and nothing that BKR's post said seemed to indicate that they "hate the US so much." </p>

<p>As for the OP? Didn't find it funny in the slightest. In fact, found it idiotic and repulsively illogical. But then, that's just me. I hate that statements like these allow people to generalize about our generation's political naivete and inability to grasp the most basic ideas of global politics. In addition, the egocentrism in the whole speech is practically revolting. Now, I'm well aware that this was meant to be a "joke"-- but even as such it failed on every level.
Well now I can look forward to several dozen posts saying "haha she liek doesnt know how to take a joke!!11!!".</p>

16

<p>Um... I'm sorry the US started a war that the UN doesn't support so most of the world doesn't support. But many many more are supporting you in Afghanistan, and remember that these countries are sacrificing their soldiers' lives just so they can go and fight a different country's war. Your speech is so ungrateful, "let's bash countries that didn't help us in Iraq!" Well those same countries ARE helping you in Afghanistan. Don't expect them to fight an "illegal" war for you. That is just ridiculous. By the way, how is this a joke? It's not funny. It looks like a failed piece of satire.</p>

17

<p>I think the responses are much funnier that the actual post. This is just some ridiculous speech made up to make a few people laugh and many more people upset. All you who are all defensive, you are falling right into the lament trap in the speech. So, feel ashamed that you cannot take a joke, no matter how politically incorrect it is.</p>

18

<p>This speech is essentially what President Bush would formulate if he were capable of putting cohesive strings of thought onto paper.</p>

<p>That's why he has speechwriters.</p>

19

<p>HAH very nice :]</p>

<p>I, for one, obviously don't agree with everything said here, but I do think we should get the heck out of NAFTA.</p>

20

<p>Is there a political version of Poe's law? This speech seems <em>almost</em> asinine enough to be considered plausible satire, but sadly I would imagine there to be enough people out there to hold views identical to these in the deepest nether-reaches of their hearts, and so will discount it as a parody on such. :/</p>

<p>Ah well...</p>