<p>My S is very concerned about the fact that his top choice is a lot more expensive that the in-state university that all his friends seem to now be going to. I think part of it may be that he hears them rationalizing (quite a few were not accepted to their top choice ivy-level schools) their attendance with the cost factor.</p>
<p>I put together a spreadsheet with the costs and scholarships and net costs and shared it with him. I felt he should know the relative costs and not be oblivious to what his parents are paying.</p>
<p>Now he's suggesting that perhaps he shouldn't go to his top choice because of cost. He's suggesting that the state university might be sufficient. I have told him that wherever he selects, we will make it happen. We are not strapped to pay for college (although I am driving a 7-year-old car, and will continue to do things like this, in order to be frugal and pay for college and save for retirement). </p>
<p>In my opinion, you're fortunate to have a son who cares about things like the cost of college. I have seen lots of students posting on CC who assume that their parents should do anything to send the students to the pricey colleges of their choice. It's nice that your son lacks that sense of entitlement. Presumably if he decides to go to that expensive school, he'll also appreciate what you're doing for him. </p>
<p>Is he taking out any loans and planning to work during summers, school breaks and the school year. The average amount of loans that students take for a total of 4 years of college is $20,000, which is a reasonable amount to pay back. It's also reasonable for students to work to pay for part of their college costs.</p>
<p>Our son vastly prefers the expensive college (CMU) over the state school (UIUC) and has promised to pay us back after he gets his high-paying job in Silicon Valley!</p>
<p>You have done a good job if you have raised a son who is concerned about how his choice might affect the family finances. So many kids are blind to this issue -- all they can think about is: I want, I want, I want...</p>
<p>marilyn: That's great. Is he the type to follow thru with his promise? If so, sounds great.</p>
<p>Marilyn, you reminded me of a story. Several years ago I was in-house counsel for a large coporation practicing in the general area of contracts, including financial instruments. A colleague of mine came into my office one day and asked if could draft a promissory note on a personal matter. Not really a problem, I did stuff like that on occasion. I asked for details -- you guessed it, she wanted to put her HS son on the hook to pay back education costs if he quit school or didn't graduate in at least 5 years!</p>
<p>My D is also very concerned about the money. I have an older D in school now and the next 4 years will be interesting. We have told her that we will do everything we can to help her and if possible we will pay for it all (we didn't tell her that). But I want her to go where her heart leads her. Luckily, she did get a merit scholarship and hopefully she will get some other small ones. She was awarded work study and she might have to work some other jobs while in school. But I want her to feel free to try something that has been her hearts desire for quite some time.</p>
<p>I think that is a great idea. My ob/gyn had such an arrangement with his dad when he went to school. When he began his practice he began paying his dad back. He is doing the same thing with his own son, now, even tho he could afford to pay for his son's med school outright. </p>
<p>I think many parents who are jeopardizing their financial future for pricey colleges should get a signed note from their child to agree to pay for some/all of it back once the child is gainfully employed.</p>
<p>My son was accepted to 7 top tier schools and 1 state flagship university. The price of these schools ranged from $0 (state flagship) to $45,000 for elite private university. He did get a full tuition scholarship to one of the privates but in the end has decided to attend state flagship university on a full merit scholarship.</p>
<p>His rationale (not mine) is that of all the schools he visited, none of them stood out above the others as the place where he needed to be and that he could get everything he needed at the state flagship. He was told that I would fund part of the cost of the private university but that he would have to take out loans/repay the shortfall.</p>
<p>In the end he decided on his own that he wanted to graduate debt free and the other schools weren't worth the extra cost. I would have to believe that this is a typical situation for most middle incom families with bright kids that have many options.</p>
<p>We were in your shoes 3 years ago. My son ended up chosing the top choice school, knowing that it meant loans on his part. I even equated the anticipated loan payments to comparable car payments so that he would have something tangible to relate it to. Some of his friends opted to follow the money and went to schools that offered the most aid. Now, 3 years later my son is extremely happy in his school and with his decision while some (not all) of the friends that followed the money are just "existing" in their schools. One is even going year-around so that he can get out of there faster. </p>
<p>Every student and every school is different, so there is no single right thing to do. However, if you feel like you can manage the costs and if his inclinations toward his first choice school are clear and strong (as were my son's), I would suggest giving it some serious consideration.</p>
<p>Somewhere along the line my S seemed to get the idea that money is to be spent judiciously (imagine that!). And I think that spending 16,000 - 40,000 a year for education is somewhat intimidating to him (I know, it's not his direct payment, but it's being spent 'on him', hence his seeming personal ownership of the cost). I do feel fortunate that he gets that this is a major expenditure, but on the other hand, there's the 'penny wise pound foolish' philosophy. </p>
<p>And I'm with FundingFather, I want him to be excited about his school, not just 'ok'. But it's not that 'black and white'. It's not like there's a great expensive school and a poor cheap school. There are several degrees of gray in all this and us 18 and 48 year-olds aren't the most knowledgeable about the relative 'value' of these schools.</p>
<p>I think we'll have a lot of interesting conversations over the next couple weeks.</p>
<p>There is a student in my son's class who is torn, believe it or not, between a full ride at the University of South Carolina and in-state to UVA with no scholarship. Money is probably tight, but they aren't poor (hence the lack of UVA scholarship). I am mystified that this top 5% scholar might make such a choice. Other kids, who just missed the cut to UVA are also reportedly torn between the University of South Carolina and Virginia Tech. Apparently, they came to the school and really impressed everybody! I think you can take the saving money thing too far.</p>
<p>"I think you can take the saving money thing too far."</p>
<p>A person is only really "saving money" if the "money" is just being put in the bank for no real apparent reason. For these families that is probably not the case. If the money is just "not there" to be spent on in-state tuition, r&b, books and expenses (about $12k a year at UVA) then it isn't being "saved" when the child chooses to go somewhere much cheaper or practically free. </p>
<p>Don't assume that just because a family didn't qualify for FA that they have money to spend on tuition. FAFSA doesn't take into account debt. Families that have car debt(s), credit card debt, etc. are using their supposed "EFC" to make monthly payments (sometimes for the cars that their kids are driving and won't give up). Or, perhaps, for many years they weren't making the high income and now they do have to put their EFC towards their retirement nest egg which had to be ignored during the leaner years. You may want to question some of their "choices" but even that doesn't always tell you the whole story...</p>
<p>
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There are several degrees of gray in all this and us 18 and 48 year-olds aren't the most knowledgeable about the relative 'value' of these schools.
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</p>
<p>My husband turned down Stanford for UC Irvine when he was seventeen, because of cost. His parents were willing and able to make it happen, but he knew his dad was looking forward to retirement, and he didn't want to do anything that would make that more difficult, so he choose the new, at that time, state school. ( I married a super thoughtful guy :) ) To say that as an adult he never regretted it, would be untrue. Knowing what he knows now, he could have worked some, paid back loans that his parents would have taken out and it would have been possible. His folks were very happy for him and wanted him to make his own decison, not considering cost.
Did he do ok anyway? Of course. In fact, he earned a fellowship to Princeton for graduate study. But I do think that had he been able to look at the choices from his current adult perspective, he would have jumped at the Stanford offer and made it work. He views it now as an opportunity missed.
Partly because of this, he has encouraged both of our kids go where they feel they will thrive and proper, and we'll find a way to make it happen. My son inherited some of his dad's frugality, as he didn't want to apply ED to his first choice school because of the cost relative to the UCs. I think it's great when kids appreciate what parents are giving up in order to give them the best education they can afford. His dad told him that he can pay us back by doing the same thing for his own children.</p>
<p>Thanks all for the advice - we will be sure to get that note! Even better if he ends up with a nice guest room for us to visit when we are watching $$'s in retirement. Since S is very clear on his top choice, and we believe a huge state school is not an optimum fit for his personality, we're willing to bite the bullet for a few years to give him this unique opportunity. And the state school didn't offer a dime even though they invited him to be a Chancellor's Scholar (OK, that would be worth $250/semester). </p>
<p>We are very lucky that we were able to tell our S not to consider money as a factor in determining where to apply, even though we it won't be easy. Apple17, I get the impression your S may be picking up mixed messages and trying to clarify what you actually want for him. If you really want him to decide purely on the merits of the school, let him put together a spreadsheet on all the non-financial aspects of the schools under consideration. If everything cost the same, where would he go? If there's a clear favorite, that should determine the outcome under your circumstances. If the decision isn't that easy, then maybe cost can come into consideration. He also may be getting nervous about separating from his friends and is using money as an excuse to stay with them. I believe those kind of friendships tend to dilute over the first year in a large university so that may be another point of discussion.</p>
<p>My son debated about colleges and cost, although his top and most expensive choice was an out-of-state public university, rather than a top private school. However, it was the top school in his field from among his choices. He was able to talk them into giving him a small scholarship, but he still knew it would be a bit tough to afford. However, we told him to go where he felt he would learn the most. And he chose the most expensive.</p>
<p>He has taken out some loans, applied for outside scholarships--not just as a high school senior, but again this year as a freshman--and he will be an RA in a dorm next year to help as much as he can with the cost. We appreciate his understanding and desire to help, and we are also glad that he can be where he is. He has learned so much this year and is SO happy that he made the choice he did. He will likely never earn a lot in his chosen career, and we do not expect him to pay us back. (My mom told me the way to pay her and my dad back for sending me to college was to do the same for my kids, and so I am.) We did consider the cost of this school, and my husband, in particular, was hesitant to give his approval at first. However, we do not want him to ever look back and regret that he did not go for the best he could.</p>
<p>Of course, if your son has no clear favorite, that may be another story.</p>
<p>Susantm,
Did your son find scholarships he could apply to as a college freshman through his college, or through those scholarship websites, or ??? Thanks!</p>
<p>I just have to say that, without my prompting (we haven't talked about this for a few days), my son came home and suggested that perhaps once he's out of college and 'successful in his career, earning lots in his chosen profession', he can pay us back for college!</p>
<p>Obviously, he's been thinking about this...</p>
<p>lkf725, actually all of the above... He found a couple through fastweb. He applied for some through his college. He applied for some more through our state scholarship commission. (Each of these are nice because you can apply for several with just one application.)And he applied for one he had applied for the year before, but not received, because they mentioned in the rejection letter that he was free to try again. </p>
<p>All of the ones he applied for were limited type scholarships--ones for dependents of postal workers, or for those studying music, etc. He found out this week that he won $500 through his dad's local union. A small scholarship, but it is his second year to win it. His older brother won it four years in a row. Since it draws from such a small pool of applicants, it is practically guaranteed, thus definitely worth the trouble! (This year they had three applicants for three scholarships!)</p>
<p>We haven't heard yet how he did on any of the other scholarships--some aren't announced until July. But we figured it was worth a try. And ds has become really good at cutting and pasting essays, the stinker! :)</p>
<p>Congrats to you son Susantm! Every little bit helps. My son won a scholarship last year that was offered by a local family. Sadly (but good for us) relatively few students even bothered to apply for it. I was under the impression that most scholarships were for incoming freshmen, and I didn't know if much was available for undergrads. I will be sure he looks into whatever is available. :)</p>
<p>I told my kids if they went to our state school I would pay for everything. If they go elsewhere the state school tuition-room-board-fees is a voucher they can count on from me, otherwise they are on their own. D now a junior at BU, S freshman at Northeastern, doing well but loans galore. Neither would even apply to our state's flagship.</p>