Hey guys, I would like my essay to be graded on a scale from 1-6.

College Essays
1

<p>nature(one's genetic inheritance) affects one's character and behavior more than nurture(one's life experiences). </p>

<p>I will be writing this essay for the topic, as I believe nurture is far more influential in one's life than his nature or his genetic makeup.<br>
A person's behavior and attitude depends on the choices he makes and the way he is brought up as a child. Childhood is the time of a person's life when he is influenced the most by others, he gets influenced by what he see's or hears. It is the parents responsibility to nurture their child in the right way. Parents need to see that their child goes to the right school, hangs around with the right group of friends etc.<br>
During the teenage period of a person's life he is exposed to the real world. The values and ethics thought to him during his childhood matter the most at this time. He needs to make life changing decisions, choose how he wants to live his life. It is during a teens life when is he is exposed most to drugs, drinks, smoking and the other habits that he will carry on his entire life once he gets addicted to them. He should be nurtured at home in such a way that he will not be tempted by these false means of pleasure. Of course his family must not take part in these habits as it might be lead him to do the same.<br>
Family behavior has the greatest impact in a child or teen's life. The child's behavior and attitude in the future all depends on the type of environment that he is brought up in. The child's family must set the right example for him on how to live, behave and talk with others. They must do their best not to show him the wrong activities by indulging in them themselves. They must control their own temptations for the well being of their child. Parenting matters the most as they say a child's behavior reflects how he was brought up by his parents.<br>
To support this I would like to give an example, it’s a childhood story that I had read when I was young. Two parrots were bought by two different business men as pet when they were just born. The first parrot was bought by a business man named Bill who treated his customers politely and in a very charming manner. The second parrot happened to be bought by a ruthless and rude business man named Jack, whose sale wasn't going well because of his adamant attitude. Jack was jealous of Bill's success and always used to curse him. Jack was never kind to his customers, he would curse them and has rude. Listening to Jack and observing how he behaved, Jack's parrot learned the same habits as Jack. Let alone being treated rudely and being abused by a person, no one wants to be abused by a PARROT!! It started to abuse and curse the customers too. Whereas Bill's parrot treated and greeted their customers with love and generosity. As the days past Jack's already weak business had reached a dead end because of his and mostly his parrot's behavior. On the other hand Bill's business was never this good, people love to be kindly welcomed by a parrot.<br>
Therefore I would like to end the essay by saying that it is not the nature in one's body that determines who he becomes, it is the nurturing and the lessons he learns on how to become a good human being, a gentleman who is respected by others for his behavior, discipline and conduct. It all depends on the environment he grows up in, the type of parenting, and also his will power to put aside all the false temptations in life and to live a life in the true dignified manner. </p>

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<p>2</p>

<p>First and foremost, if you are going to use an example, use a real-life example or a scientific study (especially when discussing the behavior of parrots) or something more compelling. The example you used comes off as silly, and it does little to further your argument.</p>

<p>Second, make your argument more nuanced. Yes, parents and family have an impact on the success of children, but that is not the sole determining factor of a child’s accomplishments. Considering the fact that you want to show colleges that you are a self-starting, autonomously motivated person, you probably do not want to make it seem as if your parents were the biggest factor in your lifestyle decisions. Kids are capable of thinking independently, and you should recognize that in your essay.</p>

<p>Third, try to avoid making statements like “to support this I would like to give an example” and “I will be writing this essay for the topic.” Those transitions/introductions make your essay seem generic, and that is entirely counterproductive. </p>

<p>Fourth, careful with your grammar. When you say that something is “influential in one’s life” make sure to follow that with a his or her/he or she instead of just a “his.” Make sure you are using the correct words (e.g., “The values and ethics that are <em>thought</em> to him…” I assume you mean “taught” to him (or her), unless you are making a subtle reference to the use of telepathy in child rearing). </p>

<p>Fifth, this one is optional and relates to the second critique, but really consider what you are saying. I know that my parents did not raise me to be a specific kind of person, and I value my sense of agency more than anything. Try not to say that parenting is everything because it is both false and gives you less credit than you deserve as an individual. </p>

<p>I hope some of this will be helpful in writing essays in the future! :)</p>

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<p>When you need examples you can always just make up one about your personal life.</p>

4

<p>Thanks guys, i’ll surely benefit from your advice. :D</p>