HEY YOU! grade my essay :D

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?
(not that it matters much, but i did underline "Lord of the Flies"--i just havent learned to underline/italicize on posts..and i skip lines here because i dont know how to show indents ) </p>

<pre><code> Creativity, however beneficial it may seem, can be detrimental when situations call for action. As demonstrated by literary and historical examples, creativity hampers with consequence-ridden problems and is better off replaced with straightforward strategies.
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<p>In Golding's Lord of the Flies, Ralph loses the respect of his peers and their chances at survival because the boys indulge in their creativity. In the midst of their exile, a dead parachutist ends up caught on the top of a mountain. The boys see this corpse and believe it is some sort of beast from the sea. Jack uses this fear to his advantage; he wins over the veneration of the boys from Ralph by claiming he could mollify the beast. From here, the situation worsens. The boys lose their morality and indulge in the savagery that would eventually destroy all order on the island and any chance at rescue. Creativity becomes a tragic weakness in the novel because it renders the boys vulnerable to a demagogic tyrant who brings chaos and destruction to the island.</p>

<pre><code> The Enron Scandal of the early 21st century assesses the potential dangers of creativity. Beginning in 1996, Enron indulged in multi-billion dollar success and sought ways to expand and further dominate the globe. It started as a natural resources conglomerate and soon became known for Enron Online and other lucrative branches. However, the company was unveiled in 2001 to have been using "creative accounting". Falsified accounts of profit inflated Enron's stock value. When the multi-million dollar lie revealed itself to the public, the company quickly plummeted to its downfall. The repercussions of Enron's "creativity" were drastic; major peer companies had to revise their accounting methods and people lost faith in the economy. Creativity proved immensely consequential in this situation, destroying a business and shocking the world economy.

As demonstrated by Golding and Enron, creativity takes a drastic toll. Had creativity in <ran out of time>
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<p>I think I deserve around a 9... but then again i don't know how they grade this....</p>

<p>what do i deserve and why?</p>

2

<p>Positives: Your writing flows pretty well; tasteful use of vocab; well-structured.</p>

<p>Negatives: I don’t think your examples really fit with the prompt. Were the boys really using creativity when they misunderstood the corpse? I don’t think that’s the type of “creativity” the prompt is asking you to address. You thesis is clunky (find a way to reword “hampers with consequence-ridden problems”) and you will be hurt by the fact that you didn’t finish your conclusion. I’d suggest making your introduction a little more flowery as well.</p>

<p>Overall the presentation is good, but the content is somewhat lacking. I’m not going to assign a precise number because I don’t know which the graders will care about more, but if you improve your content I think you will have a good shot at 10-12.</p>

3

<p>eh. Your first example wasn’t really explained well enough. You didn’t explicitly state how the boys were using creativity. And one could argue that the straightforward path in this instance was to follow the mob rule into anarchy. That way you don’t die, yeah? </p>

<p>And your logic is flawed. You say in your thesis that creativity should best be replaced with straightforward approaches. Where in your essay did you prove this? Your two examples indicate that “creativity” is detrimental, yet couldn’t it be argued that the straightforward approach is worse? And, even if you had two examples that show where a straightforward approach would be better, does two examples relate to the whole. I can find a counterexample for almost anything. So, a better approach would be to add a paragraph where you reason the problem out. I’d say something like “creativity leads to unprecedented and unexpected results. These results, although sometimes beneficial, are generally detrimental to those involved, if only due to the fact that these results bring the unknown into consideration, wherein said unknown leads to many unforseen problems. Had one used a straightforward approach, the effects could have been anticipated and dealt with accordingly.” You see where that paragraph, followed by a couple examples, would strengthen your argument so much more? </p>

<p>But I don’t know how much the SAT cares about good arguments. It seems they care more about a well-written piece that refers to two or more literary or historical examples, no matter how relevant these examples are or if the thesis is actually ever sufficiently supported. In terms of my grading scale (which is around a couple points harsher, from what I’ve heard), I’d give it an 8 to 9. I’m not taking off much for you not finishing, because I pretty much knew what you were going to say. But I don’t know how the graders would view this.</p>

4

<p>thanks a lot guys. very useful advice.</p>

<p>lol i kinda knew i was writing a schidt essay from the start because i was having trouble coming with good examples (shocking i know). the little quote they gave had to do with how the world is on this systematic trend that disregards creativity and how we need to be creative to compete internationally or something. after i read that i was trying to think of more current examples because the prompt specifically asked for “is creativity needed more than ever TODAY”. i took like a whole 2 minutes and then i was like ehh time to think of other things… i went through a list of books in my head and i came up with LOTF and i went all-out mental gymnastics in that 2nd paragraph. enron came up while writing about lotf because “creative accounting” popped up</p>

<p>my questions for you guys (these refer to SAT essays in general, NOT this one specifically):</p>

<p>1) how do you come up with examples when they don’t immediately pop up in your head within the first minute? do you run through like a prepared list of examples?
2) when you’re dealing with an SAT essay, do you guys necessitate that extra step of analysis or acknowledgment of some counterpoint ( regarding @Senior0991’s thesis…“<strong><em>sometimes beneficial</em></strong> but mostly leading to unforeseen, usually detrimental consequences”)? do you find that this can elongate the essay or jeopardize time?
3) if you acknowledge that something is “sometimes” beneficial, is it a blatant error not to give an explanation later as to when it can be beneficial (perhaps by using a 3rd body paragraph–i only use 2)? </p>

<p>i follow a quite elementary SAT essay build (that i think can earn a 12 if used well)–thrust myself to one side without acknowledging any counterpoints, give two examples that kinda say the same thing supporting your side, and conclude by restating thesis in diff words and saying the consequences of NOT following my argument. do you have any advice on how to be more analytical while sticking to some sort of template? do you guys even recommend a template, or does it hamper analysis?</p>

<p>and most importantly, based on what i said i do on my intro/conclusion usually, how do you think i can improve them (address counterexamples in conclusion, etc)?</p>

<p>thanks a lot</p>

5

<ol>
<li><p>I don’t know. I do a really quick plan before I write out my essay, and this is when I usually think of some things. For creativity (I’d argue the opposite), I would have used a science example, most likely in some new biology developement and, for a text, I would have used death of a salesman (maybe). This took me about thirty seconds to think up just now. What I just did there is picked an area of expertise for me, which is science, specifically molecular biology (to be more sepcific, I’d probably talk about DNA sequencing and how it is no longer a straightforward tedious approach). For the second example, I just thought of a text which I read somewhat recently that I knew really well. If said text is complex enough, it can be used in many different arguments. I could probably just as easily argue the opposite with death of a salesman. </p></li>
<li><p>Can strengthening your argument jeapordize time? he** yeah! This is where you have to learn to write faster. Your body paragraphs were kind of long, and I didn’t think you needed to put in so much background, especially since these were common examples. What won’t jeapordize time as much is qualifying your thesis with words like generally, often, many, etc. (many is my favorite, because it doesn’t imply a majority). And if you really want to strengthen your argument, you can either put in the “logic” paragraph first, a counterargument paragraph third, or hypothetical sentences or two in each of your body paragraphs: What if there wasn’t creativity on the island? What if Enron did take the straightforward approach? Ideally, you’d prove that the straightforward approach would (hypothetically) lead to a much better result than the creative approach. But, by only listing the effects of the creative approach, you gave the reader nothing to compare too (ex: What if Enron published that it was losing money and we entered a depression?). Since you say in your thesis that one result is better than the other, you have to give both sides. Again, a counterargument paragraph would work in this scenario, but I think a shorter and more effective approach for almost all of these questions is the hypothetical instance. </p></li>
<li><p>no, you don’t have to acknowledge the opposite case in that sense. That would be a waste of time and probably weaken your overall argument. You can be firm without conceding, which is what a word like “sometimes” does (rather than actually listing some benefits).</p></li>
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<p>Here would be my template, if I were to use one. Take into consideration that I am a fast writer…</p>

<p>-Opening example with imagery (in this case, I may do something like the atomic bomb drop in Japan, a creative solution if there ever was one, depending on what side I was arguing for)
-Link opening example to thesis with a sentence or two
-thesis with qualifications. No absolutes ever! </p>

<p>-First example
-hypothetical of first example (with use of possible rhetorical/guiding question)
-compare/contrast and relate to thesis</p>

<p>-second example
-hypothetical of second example (with use of possible rhetorical/guiding question)
-compare/contrast and relate to thesis</p>

<p>-restate thesis with brief mention of examples
-Take the argument one step further (now is the time for some absolutes).</p>

<p>^I mentioned rhetorical/guiding questions there. Use those to your advantage. I’d write somethine like, “But, what if this creative approach were not used? What would be the effects?” That basically introduces the compare/contrast element.</p>