Hilariously funny, or awkwardly lame?

College Essays
1

<p>Hi there. I'm starting my 500-word essay for UC about why I want to go to their school. Here it is, please tell me what you think of this opener. If it's bad, I'll go from a different angle, but if it's good, I'd like to know so I can keep on with this:</p>

<pre><code>Not until I took a Rush Limbaugh book to a laser tag party in the ninth grade hoping to engage in a heated debate did I realize that normal people don’t actually do things like that. It was quite a sad realization, a kind of political, academic, and social letdown. Naturally, the Life of the Mind interests me greatly. People dedicating class time, lunch time, night time, day time, hammer time, all to academic pursuits, why that’s just an incredible concept!
</code></pre>

2

<p>hmmm.. it sounds like it could be very unique and creative. funny intro. pm the rest.</p>

3

<p>u said hammer time. lol</p>

4

<p>oh yeah, u wanted an opinion didnt u? it definately gets ur attention and makes u want to keep reading rather than just skim through it. and like "blairt" said, it sounds unique and creative, which definately isnt a bad thing, right? so i say, keep going in that direction. dont change anything. it definately isnt lame.</p>

5

<p>Good intro, but make sure you work on the grammar;</p>

<p>"Not until I took a Rush Limbaugh book to a laser tag party in the ninth grade hoping to engage in a heated debate did I realize that normal people don’t actually do things like that."-Doesn't have a great flow. It would be best if your first sentence went over well with the reader.</p>

<p>Use semicolons!</p>

6

<p>Did u actually do that???
Yea. It definitely grabs interest from the start. so thats good.</p>

7

<p>lol, i'd definitely keep it. just keep going in that direction...pm the rest when youre done if you want comments. =)</p>