<p>My d has been home about 36 hours and we are having a great time. She is enjoying doing almost nothing. We have had great conversations about her first 10 weeks at bs. I see the maturity growth and the independence. We have talked about what she thought bs would be like and what it actually is. </p>
<p>Twice she has referred to bs as "home" and it caught me off guard. But I must admit she is happy. When I asked her if she would rather stay here and return to her old school....she burst into great laughter. She admits all is not perfect but she loves it. </p>
<p>Book-even though it surprised me…I am happy that my d is comfortable and feels like she belongs. </p>
<p>It might hurt, (just a small bit) as parents we know that we only have you guys for such a short time, and the time is just getting shorter–lol.</p>
<p>I am happy that you too have a home away from home.</p>
<p>My DS in first year at b/s also referred to it as ‘home’ yesterday. I was very happy to hear that since there was a bout of homesickness in the first couple weeks.</p>
<p>All the friends here practically kidnapped DS on arrival yesterday. Hope I get to see DS sometime this week. : )</p>
<p>We’re spending the week at Grandma’s. So no opportunity for the friends to grab her and divert her attention from me. She’s cuddling more, getting caught up with sleep, and studying a lot for exams. We had our obligatory Chipotle’s run. She’s wanting to gorge on her favorites to tide her </p>
<p>The best surprise was when I walked into her dorm room and the first thing she did was scream, drop her laundry on the floor and hug the stuffing out of me. She doesn’t call her school “home” but she does talk about it in a way that it seems clear that it is. We’ve talked a lot about school, politics, culture shock, and what she likes and doesn’t like. She’s being amazingly candid and I’m happy she’s observing some of her peers and avoiding high risk behavior.</p>
<p>She’s stressed - but in a happy sort of way - and loving it. </p>
<p>I miss her a lot when she’s gone. But when I get to that point I remember the alternative is her coming home and back to her crummy “college prep” school where mediocre is the standard to shoot for and community college is considered a “win.”</p>
<p>Our child referred to dormmates as ‘family’, but I suppose that’s a good thing. Ran down the stairs of the dorm to greet me at the door with a big hug ready to go home. Seems they look forward to going home on these vacations, even though this kid is loving boarding school.</p>
<p>They do seem more appreciative of home after being away. BS is stressful and tiring and having a little lovin’ care at home helps. The “more mature, more independent, more confident” wrap I hear so often on this site feels like a stretch to me from parents trying to validate their choice–no way to know if the maturity and independence would have come anyway–after all, these are teens moving toward adulthood.</p>
<p>As a student, I have mixed feelings. I think I have referred to BS as “home” once or twice when I said things like, “oh dang, I have to go back home in a couple of days.” After visiting my old high school and seeing that nothing has really changed and that I would be bored out of my mind there, I definitely appreciate BS. What I’m mostly not looking forward to in returning to BS is that I haven’t really found anyone who I can truly call a “friend”, someone who makes me happy when I am stressed out. Maybe that is just part of being an upperclassman at BS - everyone is stressed out, so you’re pretty much just on your own. I’m hoping when I return, since I will be better adjusted, I can start to make BS more like my home instead of just this place I’m going to be at for two years.</p>
<p>Erlanger-the “more mature, more independent, more confident” wrap I hear so often on this site feels like a stretch to me from parents trying to validate their choice</p>
<p>I will admit I am a little offended by your suggestion that parents are trying validate their choices. Yes some growing up is bound to happy due to age, but I believe that a different type happens to bs students. Some of this maturity just happens earlier due to being away from home earlier, but some is due to making decisions earlier and dealing withe the consequences. </p>
<p>Example-the morning that my d was to come home for thanksgiving break, she realized she had forgotten to e-mail the adult in charge of her return arrangements. Typically, I would have reminded her time and time again, asked thousands of questions and bugged her to death. But since I didnt know about it, I was out of the loop. Yes, when I got the morning phone call (my d NEVER calls in the morning) she had a level of concern, not panic. I told her I was out and didnt have that info. I directed her to call her grandma (who has all her information in her purse ALL THE TIME). Problem handled by my d. </p>
<p>I am fully confident that the school had her back. I was happy that she called and took the steps she needed to handle the situation. She admitted that a schoolmate had a melt down at the airport and she and others helped her through it and did what needed to be done. Upperclassman in the airport took the lead and all went well.</p>
<p>I dont feel I have to validate my decision. I have had a least 5 conversations with people that had interaction with her over break and who where “shocked” at her growth.</p>
<p>My mantra has always been in terms of decisions I make for my d…“everything is not right for every child, nor every family…I do what I think is best for mine”</p>
<p>In the case of bs, each day I am more convinced that I made the right choice for mine.</p>
<p>Alexz825- your sentiments are right on point re the validation issue.</p>
<p>My son is flying back to BS today after attending a national conference in California. While I am very happy he’s having an awesome experience at the conference, I will feel a sense of relief when he’s finally ‘back home’ at BS. Weird huh?</p>
<p>If nothing else…and there’s a lot else…all the flying back and forth has made her a confident and easy-going traveler. Now when we travel together, she takes charge of all the paperwork and tells us just what to do to get through TSA with ease. </p>
<p>She has learned to juggle social life, schoolwork and EC’s, a life skill that will aid her all her life (and which I couldn’t have helped with as I’ve never gotten that right!). Her organizational skills have improved beyond recognition, to the point where she can run a school office almost as well as people who get paid for it…and if she got paid for it, she’d be even more amazing. </p>
<p>Thank God she hasn’t learned to sew yet or she’d need me for nothing except check-writing! Hey…wait a minute…who fixed this hem? Oh, no!</p>
<p>Great observations & stories. We are only 10 weeks into this adventure at the jr boarding school level, but the faculty at the school have told us numerous times how much growth they have seen in our son since the start of school. Yes, the kids are naturally growing older every day, but it seems we have a pretty dramatic change going on. The school intentionally holds the kids responsible for their choices & constantly guides them towards independence & maturity. Yes, that is a parents’ job as well (this is our first teen), but some teens just seem to listen to ‘non-parents’ better.</p>
<p>I think one of the counter-intuitive discoveries for parents who have a child attend boarding school is that you’ll find that the relationship has matured. Yes, it’s possible that the child matures and would have done so anyway, regardless of the environment. But I’m speaking to the relationship between parent(s) and the student. My expectation was that there’d be distance and unfamiliarity (especially in the case of a child who matures significantly while at boarding school) that would take time to adjust to. Instead, I *think<a href=“double-emphasis%20on%20%5BI%5Dthink%5B/I%5D”>/I</a> parents see the change and the growth and they are inclined to extend respect to the student…which may not be the case where this maturation process occurs day-by-day at home under the parents’ eyes. In turn, this respect, is met with candor, openness and communication. And, of course, there’s the trust parents and student have implicitly placed in each other at the time parents leave the student on campus at the end of orientation.</p>
<p>This is not a validation of the boarding school decision – if I may make a pre-emptive observation. It would be downright idiotic to rationalize the decision to have a child attend boarding school because there’s a surprising maturation of the parent-student relationship. My point is only that it happens and, in my case, it was counter to my expectation. (Even more counter-intuitively, I think this strengthening/growth in the relationship happens in cases where boarding school was not the right fit, so it’s not a barometer of a success transition for the student, either.)</p>
<p>Regardless of whether such a changed relationship is causally connected to boarding school or not, I hope the parents enjoy it over this holiday break. It’s a nice gift to receive, even if the sender can’t be identified.</p>
<p>Having gone through this for 4 years, what I observed was my child in stop motion rather than the full film. I always tried to fill in how he had grown, and not assume that he was the same person he was 3 months ago, or even a month or two ago.</p>
<p>I love the maturing process at boarding school, which is different than it would be at home. No parents around to coach and nag. New role models everywhere to excite, inspire and challenge – or to turn-off as the case may be. Conflicts that can’t be avoided when the school day ends. Classrooms full of kids just as smart and opinionated as your own. Dining halls full of moments of “where do I sit – and with whom” or formal dining with faculty and older kids, nerve-wracking maybe, but more great role modeling. Older kids to respect and imitate, or avoid!</p>
<p>And all the basic plumbing, weak on arrival, but stronger every day: time management, prioritization, laundry, treatment of others, thin skin getting thicker, telling right from wrong, sticking up for the underdog, joining new groups, creating new groups – an endless list!</p>
<p>Boarding school is one giant cram session on life. Come vacation, these kids are tired, happy, shell-shocked, more mature, just plain different. After all, you’re not the only one raising them any more. I loved watching my son’s growth and so thankful that we had chosen the right school to help raise him.</p>
<p>Musisat- I know your an upperclassman, is this your first year at your bs? Is it harder to find friends because everyone knows others? I hope you do find a buddy during the next two years. Maybe joining some clubs if you haven’t done so already. Or finding others who are new to the school. </p>
<p>I couldn’t participate before because my daughter didn’t come home for Thanksgiving. This is our third year and the transition from school to home is always hard. It seems a bit easier this time though. She has gained a lot of independence in two years away from home, but she has lost a lot of manners at the same time. I had to remind her to say goodnight before she went to bed as she just disappeared one night and after awhile my husband and I started wondering where she was and found that she had gone to bed. I also had to remind her about table manners. And she likes to leave messes behind her everywhere - I mean everywhere! But she has always done that, I just forget about it when she is away.</p>
<p>Tomorrow her older sister returns from her first semester away at college. That will be interesting as well.</p>
<p>I think one of the problems with coming home during breaks, especially after having been away at school for over two years now, is she doesn’t have any local friends any more. So she is bored, bored, bored. If it wasn’t for homework, the infamous RAL (Exeter upper year English assignment), and SAT test prep, she would be going out of her mind with inactivity - and she has only been home for three days.</p>
<p>For my d, the bi-coastal experience has its pros and cons. On the pro side, she enjoys traveling by herself, has an international cohort, and a sense of self-efficacy that she would not have at home. On the con side, I think the transitions from the urban fast pace of the east to our tranquil home environment are hard. We live in a beautiful part of the world where people are much less competitive but schools don’t prepare kids for anything more. Being home for vacation offers an unreal view of what is being missed since d is endlessly spoiled by parents who miss her.</p>
<p>wcomm-I am in agreement with the endless spoiling I did over both breaks. Thanksgiving she was exhausted, yet wanted to see friends and extended family. Over the Christmas break we had more and “better” time together. We walked the mall just talking, and stayed up more than one night, just talking about school, another night just about colleges.</p>
<p>I have seen the maturity develop, yet she let me hug and kiss over her much more, I think she missed “being with mom” more. Family and friends see the richness of her conversation. It was always there but now she speaks up and wants to be heard. </p>
<p>D had a “teachable moment” going back this time, “10 hours in the Baltimore Airport”. She only stressed briefly. She was there with a schoolmate. For me it was just “another adventure” in her life. For us the airport is 1000x safer than our neighborhood streets, we were fine with the learning. </p>
<p>My d says she going to find someone who lives close to Baltimore–lol. Now she realizes why I tell parents at her school, if your kid comes through our city, let me know, I have no problem riding to the airport and buying the kid lunch or just giving the kid a “mom” face to look at.</p>
<p>I miss my d, but this experience is life changing for her. I am glad she is having it:-).</p>