I am a sophomore in college and moved in a few days ago. Last year was an awful year for me; it was such a hard transition and I lived in a tiny dorm where I went stir crazy. I chose the wrong dorm to live in and made almost no friends, and I missed my mom like crazy. I ended up going home almost every weekend because I just hated it so much there. This year I was confident that things would be so much better; I’m living in a bigger apartment with some awesome roommates who like to hang out and do fun things. When I’m hanging out with them it’s like a distraction and I forget about my sadness, but the minute I’m alone in my room again I just start crying uncontrollably.
My mom was telling me that I am not a failure if I end up having to come home and just commute, and while a part of me believes her the other part knows that I would still feel like a failure. I’m so close with my mom and being away from her is so hard for me. It’d be one thing if I was a freshman, but this is my second year and I’m still not feeling any better than I did my first. I’d like to be able to make it at least two years living by campus away from home, but at this point I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to do it for one more semester.
I think my biggest fear is that if I decide to move back home that I will have an even harder time when it comes time for me to move out and start being an adult. I feel like this is practice for that but if I can’t even handle the practice round how will I be able to do it in real life? Has anyone else ever had/has a similar issue? How did you deal with it and did it ever get better? Would it be such a bad thing if I do decide to just commute from home?
Everyone is different. Just because others like dorm life and living on campus, doesn’t mean that you have to. If you are happier commuting, then that’s a perfectly acceptable decision. Don’t worry about what others are doing. Your decisions and feelings are valid. You will do just fine in this decision and in others as you move forward in life.
There’s nothing wrong with living at home and going to school. A lot of college students do that, because it’s cost-effective. Once you graduate and get your first job, that would be a good time to get your own place, but you don’t have to move far away. This is all just part of adulthood.
I agree that there is nothing wrong with living at home and commuting. However, I’m wondering if that would be the best move for you. My three girls are very close to each and me. However, each of us has our own friends and lives. We don’t depend on each other for our happiness. Maybe it would be best for you to visit your school’s counseling department and explore if you and your mom’s relationship is healthy or if it’s interfering with your goals for the future. Is she as dependent on you as you are on her?
I don’t think it’s that I depend on her for my happiness, but I am just used to the comforts of home and having her around, and the same goes for her. I’ve always been this way with my mom as we’ve been very close every since I was little
You are not unique in being close to your mom. I am guessing the vast majority of students are close to one or both of their parents. As stated above, you have made a commitment to your roommates. You’ve made a commitment to yourself and your family too. You’ve been there a few days. You need to give it some time, and a few days isn’t what I mean. It’s time for you to grow up a little, and I think you realize that too. Your family isn’t going to love you less or forget about you, trust me. Please read this: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
And go to the counseling center and make an appointment, tomorrow. They will soon be very busy, because you are not alone. Be proactive and get help now.
It’s actually very normal that you feel this way. I’m 21 now and in my third year. At the beginning, I was the same way. Around other people, in class, in any kind of group setting I was fine or at least pretended to be. Like you said, it was a distraction. As soon as I was alone though, there would be a waterfall of tears. The first time being away from home is rough. I still get sad and homesick at times, missing my mom and sister. If I’m completely honest, I cried myself to sleep last night for that very reason. So, it still happens, just not as often.
The OP is probably not around anymore. I just have to say that homesickness doesn’t have an sudden moment when it is just over. It’s a process learning to live away from home and parents, and even when you think you might be “over it” homesickness can return and come and go. It’s also a sign that you felt loved and secure at home, that’s a special thing to miss. Stop fighting it, accept it as how you feel. Keep busy, be around people when you study, exercise, text your mom during the day, go to counseling and see if it helps. If at the end of the semester you still want to commute, go ahead and do so.