Hi. I’m currently a senior in college going to school in Boston but originally from New York. I have gotten homesick my whole college career and have planned at living at home post graduation my whole time here. 2-3 weeks ago I accepted a job in Boston in Tax as an accountant. Everyone is thrilled and I am too. But I don’t know if I can do it mentally/emotionally. Growing up as been one of the hardest things I’ve been dealing with and miss home and my parents everyday. Just looking for some advice on how to get through this or some tips on what to do.
I’m not sure that CC is the forum for this question? I’m a mom of 4 kids, with no formal training in therapy. I think you should talk to a therapist or counselor - - someone who is a third party and can give you impartial advice. Congratulations on your job offer, even though you may decide to turn it down. Good luck!
Plan trips home and for friends/family to visit. I find it sweet that you are so connected to home and your family. Many people never have that in life. I don’t think your situation is serous enough to require a counselor. You got through college and will have to continue to employ those same strategies you used to combat homesickness. I do believe it will get better as you mature and grow more. Congratulations on the job!
I’m assuming you are in your early 20’s and college was your first sample of independence, and distance from your parents is challenging. That’s a good thing, it means they made you very comfortable. They should be the ones you talk to first about your concerns.
My advice not to overthink this opportunity and turn it in into an internal burden. Life is full of uncertainty and risks, embrace it. I’ve learned, the path to your greatest accomplishments are paved with many taking risks and overcoming failures.
My Story:
I left my parents house immediately after high school (they were great, just a terrible dead-end city), moved hours away to attend Community College to the only place I could afford (crime infested War Zone in Central Florida).
I had to 2 stints of being homeless, dropped out of college and had multiple career changes. Got an opportunity to work overseas working on a Cruise Ship where I met my wife.
We moved back to the US, began volunteering and fostering at the local animal shelter, where I was hired. Loved the coworkers, hated euthanizing and working for a twisted director. Saving a few kittens ended up costing me a job, being fired there was the most satisfying career moment of my life.
With more stable employment and support from my wife, I returned to college and Completed my AA last year. It took me almost 14 years to accomplish this.
Just 8 months ago I moved to Miami to complete my Bachelor’s. Renting a room in a house full of sketchy characters, working, while my wife reminded in Central Florida working her job.
The week I signed the lease we found out she was expecting. Now I’m balancing a long distance marriage, full time employment, full time studying while preparing to be a father. When I step back for a second, I wonder how I have not had a mental breakdown these last few months. Not once do I feel overwhelmed, just driven and lucky to be where I am and what I have in life right now… and for me it’s just beginning.
Don’t be afraid to take chances.
Don’t be afraid to fail.
Don’t give up on what’s important to you.
You got this!
First off congrats on the Job. Boston is awesome as you know. Take the job. You can always leave later if it doesn’t work out but once you say no… That’s final. Then… Get your parents to come up if they can to help with apartment hunting, shopping for things for the apartment and of course the great Italian food in Boston… Lol.
If your that close then let them into your life.
Feeling homesick all 4 years… Well that is not good. As stated maybe bring some things from home that might help. If that continues then I might suggest talking to someone. But you have options. Does moving back home or around where you used to live appeal to you? Can you find work there especially now due to the virus. There is nothing wrong wanting to be in the same area as your parents. My kids keep telling me their moving out the second they have that chance. Lol…
But… Opportunities happen for a reason and Boston is one of my favorite cities. Plus this is your first shot at adulthood on your own. Discuss with your parents also. We have been empty nesters for 3 years and now my sons internship was canceled and my daughter graduates with no job offers due to the virus so we get them back. Love my kids but kinda liked the empty nester thing also. Lol. We welcome them with open arms till they can get back on their feet especially now. Your parents might feel the same way.
After high school my brother went out east for college and hasn’t been back for more than a month in twenty five years. He’s pretty open about wanting to move back here some day, but he’s married, and there are all these kids running around, and he’s got this job, and on and on. But to this day he still calls my parents on Sunday evening about three times a month just as he has since the first week of freshman year. I know smartphones and social media make staying in constant communication very easy, but it might be too easy. Start doing a video call home on a regular basis, frequent enough that you don’t get bummed out waiting for it, spaced enough that you start developing your own ability to stand alone. There will be more to share if you’re not texting hourly, and your folks will be happier to hear from you when it’s an event rather than a constant stream.
And another thing to consider is what you’re actually missing about home. Is it actually your family and your old room, or is it only the familiar food or having a group of people around who know you and like you? I mean, you can learn to make mom’s lasagna, you can bring pictures from home, you can get out and meet some folks that can be your friends in Boston. But if you really need your parents or siblings with you it’s time to consider finding a person to help you work through this, like a therapist or someone similar.
Finally, you need a Boston life to go with the New York life you miss so much. I don’t know much about you, but look at your life and find something to build around: pick a church and really engage with that community, or join a team (softball, darts, whatever) at your local bar, or start volunteering regularly with an organization like a museum or theater. Get a part-time job in the evenings just for the exposure to other people. Your school probably has a bunch of alumni events and organizations you could get involved in. Boston is a huge and vibrant city with much to offer and many needs you could help fill. There has to be something for you, so your real challenge is to get out there and find it. Good luck!