I’m in my first semester at a great college that’s about an hour away from my home. I love the school, that’s not the issue. It’s just a constant feeling of sadness and depression that I’m not at home with my family and friends. I’m seriously considering a transfer.
I would transfer to the college near my hometown. All my credits that I’ll earn at the end of this semester will transfer to it, I won’t really lose any time.
I’m just faced with some questions. Do I transfer after just one semester, or give it until May to see if things improve?
Am I a disappointment to my parents, or a laughing stock to others because I ‘couldn’t handle college’?
I haven’t been here long but I’m just not happy. And I don’t see it improving any time soon.
Try to stick it out for the year. You’ll have a better idea of whether this is the right place for you at that point and will have eliminated all those negative thoughts about handling college. It will then simply be about getting to the best place for you.
But give it a chance! Make an appointment with the counseling office. While you may feel alone, you have a lot of company in the way you are feeling. They can probably help.
I agree - hang in there! I felt the same way and I was only 20 minutes away from home! It’s a big transition to make. You will make new friends! I can say that pretty confidently, because I was very shy and even I did!
Give yourself time to make friends. It’s hard at first, because you don’t have the instant ease that you have with the people you’ve known your whole life. Right now, it just feels like work, with no reward. But I can promise you that if you do work at it, you will begin to make friends, and some of those friends will be as close as any you had in high school.
Go to the parties. Study in public spaces. Sit with people at meals, even if it feels awkward. Notice one or two other people sitting alone and just say hi. I know it’s a cliche, but you have to lean into the awkwardness for a while.
@HaleyN1313 - if you are depressed, go to your college counseling office immediately and tell someone. There is nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. All the advice above is great and helpful to someone who is merely experiencing minor difficulties making the transition to college. But if you can’t concentrate, are afraid to leave your room or talk to unfamiliar people, then you deserve support from professional therapists. You will then be able to figure out whether transferring to a college closer to home is what is best for you.
I agree with the above posts. Please also make sure you consider the financial impact transfering may have.
My daughter was really happy at her school, but after about 6 weeks went to visit her grandparents/uncles for a weekend. She was just happy to have a little bit of home (Nana’s cooking, dogs to pet, a little alone time) and it made her like her school even more.
Plan a trip home in about 6 weeks. It will be nice and comfortable for you, but I bet you’ll find that you like your school when you return. Home isn’t the perfect place you make it out to be, and school isn’t horrible either. Try to get the best of both worlds.
I think this can be normal for some students – the semester is very very young – you should stick it out.
It’s very, very common to feel this way at college, in the beginning. You’re not in your own bed, in your own room, in your family’s home, surrounded by familar noises, people, and things. It’s simply unsettling for many, even if they aren’t sure what to pin it on beyond “I’m feeling really depressed & homesick”.
Give yourself time to adjust. It DOES take time to adjust and for things to improve. Sometimes months, not days or weeks. This is also normal.
I remember missing my mom so much it hurt. I’d go and get a bunch of change and call her on Sundays from the pay phone near the laundry room. I went home the first long weekend, just to see her and the dog and to sleep in my own bed.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Get some exercise. Eat well. Get a schedule going. Try to walk around with a slight smile on your lips. It makes a difference inside your head.
Good luck! Go to the counseling center to get help on how to deal with stressful emotions and transitions!
Give yourself time. You have been at home all of your life, had probably had the same friends for years, the level of work has increased etc. It is not unusual for things to take a while to settle in. It took my S a couple of months to find his group of friends at college and feel completely at home at college. And although it is always a possibility don’t think about transferring now. Instead think about how to make college work for you – join some activities you are interested in, find people in your dorm or classes you want to spend time with etc. It is an adjustment being away from home and becoming more independent – and I agree that going to the counseling center could help you with the transition.
This is completely normal. Many students feel this way until around the holidays, then it seems to turn around. Heck I feel this way in my old age when I move 
Seriously, please give this time. It is incredibly early and this is just homesickness and adjustment to a HUGE change in your life.
There are counselors around to deal with this, and sometimes groups. Hang in there.
Many people are homesick within the first few months of college, sometimes for the entire first semester or longer. Many of those same people will turn a corner second semester and adjust perfectly fine. It is a huge adjustment and life change for you but that is what life is all about, dealing with change and new experiences.
You need at least a semester to adjust, really closer to your full freshman year. Do you have a car? If home is an hour away, you can go home once a month without it being a chore. Your family could have dinner with you on another weekend.
Don’t go home every weekend. That will hinder your assimilation at college.
My older daughter felt it was hard to have so many people around her all the time when she had a lot more alone time at home. She felt like she had to be up when people were around her. It took her some time to adjust. My younger daughter had other challenges. They were very happy to be home for the first long weekend - to sleep in their own bed, take a long shower in their own bathroom.
The words “adjust” & “adjustment” keep popping up for good reason. People take time to adjust to new things. New jobs, new houses, new shoes, new cars, etc. They all seem like a mistake at first…until you ADJUST to them. College is no different.
My daughter could have written your post a year ago. It was tough for all of us, but you need to stick it out for at least a semester. As others have said, this is so common. By thanksgiving, my daughter was having fun and enjoying herself. She half-heartedly thought of transferring, but ultimately realized she was in the right place. She heads back for her sophomore year soon. Stay busy, work hard. Time will fly.
You can do this! The way you are feeling is normal and part of the process of adjusting to college. My suggestion is to stay on campus for the first month and do not go home to visit. That way you will be there to make friends and get involved in campus life and find your place and your people. After that its ok to go home to visit for a weekend. You just might find life at home isn’t really the same anymore now that everyone’s life from high school has moved on. Plan to stay the whole first year and don’t even think about transferring at this time. I agree with the poster above who said to stay busy. One day at a time. It will get easier. Don’t doubt yourself - you’ve got this!
It took my daughter until about spring break (March) to really get on board with being away at college. She had a really tough first semester but it started getting better and the transition from bad to great took place that month or two after returning from Christmas. It takes time, even if friendly and sociable kids. I would suggest to anyone out there that they give it a full year if they can do it. She is a rising junior and chomping at the bit to get back!