I know this is long but I need help.
So, I’m at the University of Pittsburgh right now as a freshman and I can’t honestly say I hate it just by looking at the school itself but I hate that I’m so far away from home. 5 hours to be exact. I lived near philly and I miss my family so much. My family especially my mom, they are going through a lot right now that I can’t say online because it’s private. But I feel guilty being so far. I miss my brother, my dog, and especially my mom. I even miss my dad who’s barely home because of his job. I know my mom misses me the most out of everyone, and I cry almost everyday for her. I really want to like this school because I remember coming here and going on the campus tour and loving it and I was like “this is my school”, I wasn’t obviously hype for college, (in fact I was dreading it), but I really liked Pitt. The people here aren’t bad some are actually very nice, but I’m not really clicking with everyone here or anyone here though which isn’t helping. I’m becoming antisocial because I just sit in my dorm because I keep telling myself this is temporary like this is just a summer school and I’m going home for the rest of my life and going to school somewhere close by, but I don’t know what I’m doing. My problem is I’m so close with my family as screwed up and dysfunctional as my family is I’m still so close with them and I’m always sad here. I call home everyday and after talking with them I feel so sad. That’s the biggest problem with pitt for me, the distance and I hate it. I’ve been here for about a month, I don’t know how I’m gonna feel in the next month but I can bet that it’s gonna be about the same. I’m also here with my best friend from high school and she too feels homesick, probably more than I am. She’s transferring for sure. The thing is I feel so much better with her around because I’m not lonely with her and yeah we’re both close with our parents. She’s transferring for sure I know that but I don’t know if I should. What’s stopping me from transferring is the fact that my mom told me to try to like it here and the fact that I wish I loved it here but I don’t. It’s a beautiful college and the academics are good. but…In all honesty this homesickness is affecting my mood and it sucks. Sometimes I think it’s my roommate ( my best friend from home) because she’s always like “I hate it here” but when I really think about it…it’s me though. I just wish I could have the option to go home on the weekend. I don’t know if I’m gonna be happy next semester if I decide to stay. It just makes me sick thinking about it. Help???
I’m sorry that you are struggling, but I’m sure you aren’t the only one feeling this way at the beginning of college. It’s only been a few weeks and I would say, give it some time. But you need to be proactive and get yourself out of your room. Perhaps join a club or two, talk to someone in a class, stretch yourself a bit and this will have rewards. I sounds like your best friend might be influencing your feeling a bit. Maybe try to find some new positive friends to give your friend and you a different perspective.
I am a mother of two senior twin girls who will be both attending college next year. I remember when they first went into high school and hated it and felt disconnected, but they hung in there and eventually found their niches and when they go to college, I imagine saying the same thing that I wrote to you in the first paragraph.
The great thing, is that you have ultimate control over your destiny. You can transfer, you can stay, you can give it all you got to make it work. All of those options are yours. But you might regret it if you don’t try. Good luck! And hang in there.
Go to counseling services immediately for help. You can do this.
Are you comfortable with your academic work?
Calling home everyday and spending all your time in your room with a roommate who hates the school makes it twice as hard to find your own path. Think of it as trying to learn to swim while wearing a winter coat and boots compared to wearing a bathing suit. It’s still learning to swimming, and it’s still not easy, but it’s less hard in the bathing suit!
The first term of college is a huge adjustment for just about everybody- and not just the academics (which are different than high school). As @dyiu13 suggested- go see the counseling services asap: they are really ready for this, and if they are half-way good at their jobs, are used to helping students through this transition.
It is WAY to early to tell whether you should transfer or not. In fact, just thinking about transferring makes it worse because you are not fully engaged in being there. Instead, you keep thinking “should I stay or should I go” and you are probably evaluating every little thing to use as evidence for one side or the other. That’s no way to start college. You have to fully embrace it and take comfort in knowing that everything you are feeling is 100% normal. Just plow forward.
Also, you can be close with your family and have a great relationship with them without living with them. They can go about their life and you can go about your life at college and you can still be close. You have to redefine what it means to be close, and that definition does not have to include living in the same house or town. It’s also okay to miss them. But keep this in mind: You can miss them dearly AND have a great time at college at the same time. Having a great time is not a rejection of your family.
I agree with all the posters above who say you should talk to a counselor in the college’s mental health office. They are very equipped to help with this. Trust me, you are not the first one.
First it is normal to be homesick, and some freshman are more homesick than others. It is far too early to determine if you should transfer or not. There are reasons why you chose your school, likely very positive reasons and you need to focus on those. Try to dive in to everything that is college, partcilarly keeping up and doing as well as you can academically–since this will be in your best interest if you do end up deciding to transfer.
You are in a huge transition to adulthood. It is hard. The learning curve is steep. Embrace that and refocus your thinking on the exciting things that you are facing. Dig deep for some grit and jump in. Put a smile on your face, join a club or two, say hi to people and reach out.
Also recognize that homesickness isn’t something that just magically goes away and never returns. It is a feeling that will come and go. You will miss living or being near your family and dog on some days more than others. That is okay as long as you make strides to function.
If you can’t function, then please go to the counseling center and really explore your situation before making the big and potentially costly decision to transfer.
As a sophomore in college who transferred from a school 3 and half hours away to a school only 45 min away because of being homesick, don’t do it if that’s the only reason you’re wanting to transfer. I’m at my new school and I regret it and miss my old school so much. I had friends there and the guy I’m talking to lives there and it sucks knowing that if I would’ve just stayed than I wouldn’t have to do the whole long distance thing with him. I loved my old school so much but was just homesick and my parents wanted me to move closer and I thought I did to until I actually got here and realized this is not what I want and am so lonely and bored over here. I have no friends at my new school and can’t get over the fact that if I would’ve just thought about my decision a little harder, than I would be at my old school with all my friends and soon to be bf and not stuck here. And transferring back is not an option for me. So please don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t transfer if you’re only reason is because you’re homesick because I promise you by around the second semester, you will start to feel better about everything. Cause I did and I really wish I would’ve stayed