<p>He’s asking for equal treatment- not to live in fear or discomfort in his own damn room. NOT for any kind of special treatment. He doesn’t want to antagonize his roommates, that was a suggestion by someone else.</p>
<p>Um, yes guys, I do not want to antagonize my roommates at all since they’re pretty sensitive and small things like a high voice of a gay guy can perturb them. I definitely would not want to live with them if they knew I were gay. </p>
<p>Now that I think about it, my roommates seem kind of deluded, especially the very devout Catholic. He came from a small, rural town and had a bunch of horrific things happen to him (he was abused by his parents, lost his home, suffered from depression and OCD and still takes medicine for his panic attacks) so I do not want to make his suffering worse. Plus he’s convinced that Southern California does not want to divide the state in half because then they would not be able to “steal” water from northern California…but that’s a bit irrelevant.</p>
<p>Overall, I think that just moving in with someone more accepting would be the best choice for my ease. My roommates will probably be left with a bunch of questions if I just move out without telling them why though.</p>
<p>Good thing is that my RA seem to very tolerant of homosexual people by his posting and advertisement of gay clubs on campus.</p>
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<p>How do you avoid antagonizing someone who hates you for what you are, as opposed to what you do?</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about this OP. It’s unfortunate and I agree with the others about seeing the RA.</p>
<p>Ah, classic religious zealotry.</p>
<p>OP, I can’t say I have tons of advice for you. If I were in your position I think I’d just try and change rooms. I think it’s very hard to get someone to change their attitudes when they’re past a certain age… although it’s always possible.</p>
<p>From your comments, I think that best choice I have now is to move rooms to someone who’s more accepting. I have two weeks until that option opens up to me though. Now the question remains on when to talk to the RA…I mean, my religious roommate with occurring mental issues talk with him a lot.</p>
<p>Talk to your RA now so he knows what’s going on and will have a bit of a heads-up.</p>
<p>Since you’re at a large, presumably public, research university in California, you are protected by state law and university policy from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. You have the right to be out if you so choose and have the right to be in a safe living situation. I’m of the opinion that if your roommates have a problem, they’re the ones that should file for a room change so that you don’t have to change rooms unless you want to.</p>
<p>It is not your fault whatever problems your roommates may have and while it’s nice that you’re considering their feelings, you are under no obligation to hide your sexual orientation because it might offend someone. In fact, you might be doing more harm to yourself in the long run than whatever might happen to your roommates should you come out to them.</p>
<p>As for PDAs, if other people are allowed to have them in the room, you should too.</p>
<p>Do your roommates seem like they could be capable of violence at all? I think that’s something you should consider, because while it might not be that likely, if you told them you were gay, you might be on the receiving end of their slurs or worse. Plus it’s two against one in your situation. I doubt it would be a problem, but I am sure it has happened before. I would consult your RA about your options and maybe moving to a different room, especially since it’s two roommates that you have to deal with instead of just one. I don’t think you should have to move, I think the other roommates <em>should</em> move out, but I think it might just be easiest if you changed rooms.</p>
<p>Tell them you’re gay and that they should be more respectful. I say this as a religious guy who prays before meals and doesn’t believe in premarital sex.</p>
<p>Tom, I don’t think you understand the realities of all the ways that could go horribly wrong for a gay person with two homophobic roommates.</p>
<p>I agree with MissGen; unfortunately, not everyone is as open-minded as you, Tom. :(</p>
<p>Seatide,
The only way the roommates would be in a position to ask for the room change would be for the OP to come out to them, which may not be the safest thing for him to do. So, as is often the case in our world, the innocent one needs to pay the price.<br>
OP - talk with your RA and see what can be done to arrange for a room change. You should not have to live under conditions where you are constantly hearing complaints about gays and unable to speak up for them (and thus yourself), or worry about what they may or may not do if they discover your orientation.
AFTER you and all your belongings are out of the room you might want to tell the former roomies why you left.</p>
<p>What if the OP sits down with the roommates and the RA? With the RA there to moderate and explain options and consequences this may diffuse any violence as well as educate the roommates. This can also open up the option for the roommates to move.</p>
<p>Maybe I don’t understand dorm policies and all, but if two roommates don’t like gays and one roommate is gay, the school obviously didn’t do a very good job assigning roommates. Can’t they correct it and move people around to an arrangement that’s better for everyone?</p>
<p>…So I left my laptop on one day…on this thread and my roommates saw it and they didn’t want to confront me about it so they went to the RA and the RA sat us down and we talked about our living situations. They both know that I’m gay now and they say they’re cool with it but I’m still not sure. </p>
<p>Note to self…never leave your laptop on and leave the room, especially on a sensitive site.</p>
<p>Well, that’s what automatic idle screen lock is for.</p>
<p>But then it looks like you accidentally managed to cause something better than expected to happen.</p>
<p>Now the real issues begin… Oh how I wish I stayed in the closeted world of my parents’ home and hometown.</p>
<p>If there are real problems, it’s most important that you protect your own safety. If it’s truly an uncomfortable environment, get yourself outta there at any cost.</p>
<p>That said, the door is now opened to discussion. People form new opinions all the time. It’s like what happened to all those racists from the 60s; there was a lot of dialog, and most of them have a new opinion these days.</p>
<p>If there is any trouble with anti-gay harassment and the like, you probably have most of the college student population (i.e. the RAs and most people in your dorm) on your side (and, given where you attend, it is likely that proven harassment or violence has a good chance of resulting in eviction for the harasser). Recent polls indicate that 63% of people born 1981 or later (i.e. age 31 or younger) favor recognition of gay marriage (and it is probably even higher for the younger part of that group – i.e. those in college).</p>
<p>[Pew-Forum:</a> Gay Marriage Attitudes](<a href=“http://features.pewforum.org/same-sex-marriage-attitudes/slide2.php]Pew-Forum:”>http://features.pewforum.org/same-sex-marriage-attitudes/slide2.php)</p>
<p>Also, even a (slight) majority of Catholics and white mainline Protestants are in favor (though white evangelical and black Protestants are mostly opposed):</p>
<p>[Pew-Forum:</a> Gay Marriage Attitudes](<a href=“http://features.pewforum.org/same-sex-marriage-attitudes/slide3.php]Pew-Forum:”>http://features.pewforum.org/same-sex-marriage-attitudes/slide3.php)</p>