Yes–there are people who are afraid of dogs.
There are also people who want to have dinner in peace, not interrupted by pets no matter how cute they are. We have a small army of cats who are extremely cute and people-friendly but can be really invasive. Unless we know the guest likes cats and does not mind them hanging out nearby while we eat, we lock them up in their cat room. 
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Exactly. I love dogs. We have a dog.
But if I’m invited to dinner at someone’s home I want to eat peacefully and converse with my hosts. I do not want to be distracted by their dog at the dinner table. I do not want a dog trying to jump up on my lap or try to sniff my plate or lick my hand when I’m trying to eat.
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I never grew up with dogs. When I was about 6 or 7 years old I was walking down the sidewalk when a German Shepherd dog, unrestrained, ran out of his front yard and bit my leg, drawing blood. It was decades before I began to lose my fear of dogs.
Ironically, dog people would constantly tell me “don’t act scared, because a dog can smell fear.” Um, okay…never did figure out how that was supposed to work.
So while a dog owner may see their exuberant, playful, friendly, harmless puppy, I see a wolf-like creature charging at me preparing to take a chunk out of my knee.
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Another vote for keeping the puppy in the crate/another room. Personally I love dogs, but I know people who are uncomfortable around them due to fear or allergies. When I had a dog, I did not hesitate to crate her in that situation.
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I love dogs, all breeds. But I don’t like dogs around when I am eating and I don’t like dogs who jump on me. I’d keep the dog in a crate somewhere away from guests. Plus, it’s good practice for the puppy.
Another for putting the dog away. I host Thanksgiving every year for both my family and my husband’s. My dogs were usually in their crates, or in the backyard with the kids. Actually, our Thanksgiving included my niece’s dog some years, so my two had their own friend visit! During the meal, they were gated on the deck, which could be seen by the adults eating in the kitchen. Once the meal was done, the kids went into the yard with them. Let’s just say, my 2 were sacked out by the time people were done with dessert!
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I grew up afraid of dogs, but grew out of it because H loves them and eventually got one that I absolutely adored. A rescue, his training was, uneven, and we always locked him in another room when vulnerable came over–like my elderly mom. Often he could come out, but that truly depended on the company being okay with it.
Very dear friends of ours had us over to dinner several times and had a dog (a hound rescued by college age son and then left with them) who was awfully behaved, and led to the couple constantly chastising him, till they would end up putting him outside.
The kicker was that the dog’s name was our last name (picture a dog named Jones, though not that). So there was constant “Jones, stop it. Jones, shut up. Jones get down!” and Jones is your name…
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My kids lost the friendship of some neighbor children over a dog. The neighbors had a well behaved golden retriever and told us that our kids would have to understand that she was a family member if they came over to play because they were scared of dogs. My older daughter got over her fear and was invited over to play in the water one summer day. My youngest wasn’t invited. We could hear them yelling and having a great time over the fence. I tried to do some fun things with my youngest, but I could tell she was upset that she wasn’t included in the fun.
I was most likely having poor etiquette, but I walked her over and nicely asked if they could put the dog away so my youngest could play also (they had a daughter the same age). The mom literally yelled at her husband “ but she’s just laying there!” They both just looked at me with blank faces, so I took my daughter and started walking back home and I was on the verge of tears that they’d treat my daughter that way. The dad caught up to us and said they’d put the dog away, but my daughter was upset also and shook her head no. About a half an hour later, the mom called and left a message apologizing, but I didn’t acknowledge it.
My girls were adopted and they suffered trauma in their home country. They both Had irrational fears and anxiety about certain things and I was very open with those we were close to about that. It was just appalling to me that this couple would be so uncaring of my daughter’s feelings or her earlier trauma.
Sometime later, their girls were over playing, after first raiding our pantry like they always did when they came over. My older daughter said “ I think your mom doesn’t like me” out of the blue. Their oldest said “oh, she likes YOU” in a tone implying that she didn’t like my other daughter who was maybe 5 at the time. Again, appalled that they would dislike my child due to the dog incident.
" The dad caught up to us and said they’d put the dog away, but my daughter was upset also and shook her head no. About a half an hour later, the mom called and left a message apologizing, but I didn’t acknowledge it."
Not a therapy thread but the couple by your own admission tried to backtrack as soon as they realized how much it affected your child.
That sounds like a good neighbor who just didn’t realize the affect on your child to start.
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No, as I said, she was not invited to the fun because they knew she was scared of the dog. I understand people have the right to invite whoever they want to their home, but to invite one child and not the other and then proceed to have the kids laugh, scream, and cavort within earshot of my youngest is not a nice thing to do IMO.
I know now that I should have just declined the invitation for my oldest. I know now that I was presumptuous in going over there and asking them to put away the dog. Hindsight is 20/20.
But the topic here is whether someone should put away a dog if guests are uncomfortable, and I think they should have done just that.
BTW, the father was a nice man. He was actually our family dentist. The wife, however, was not, on this occasion and several others.
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Your dog should not be near the table even when there are no guests – it’s confusing for them to be “not okay” there sometimes and rewarded other times with food. Being consistent is being kind.
This is an opportunity to think through what behaviors will work for you and what you’ll need and work toward those. I know how tough training can be AND how challenged you can feel when someone else is “demands” involving your house,home, child, and/or pet. In this case, best to have a solution prepared. The request is reasonable.
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Thanks for all the replies. We were the ones invited over to my SIL and my wife isn’t fond of and is afraid of large dogs. My wife tried to convince my SIL and BIL to put the dog away during our meal. The whole thing blew up.
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Sorry that your wife has to experience that.
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Sometimes the dog is just the catalyst for underlying family issues. My BIL has issues and uses the dog to taunt people and put them in their place if they ask that the dog be caged or put in another room.
I also think that some people honestly don’t get it. They like their dog and think that a dog begging scraps from the table is normal. It isn’t.
We once had 25 people for Thanksgiving. Someone who invited themselves came and fed the dog from the table. My 10 year old corrected her and the woman got angry. It was insane. But we kept repeating that’s not our house rule and we have the dog in the crate for a reason.
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I agree with the others. However, some fogs aren’t used to being put away. My first dog was an impulse buy (I was young, now I’m definitely a rescue person). She was a toy breed, and a PITA. She was never crate trained, and if locked in a room would just hard like crazy. If someone was coming over who didn’t like dogs, I’d bring her to my parents house. We once had friends over for dinner, they had a little girl who was afraid of dogs. I offered to get rid of the dog for the night, they insisted it would be fine and they wanted her to get used to dogs. The child started crying immediately, my parents weren’t home, we just canceled. I wasn’t prepared to deal with my dog yapping and throwing herself against a door for hours. My current dog was crate trained by her foster, so much easier.
Which is another good reason to not have the dog in the dining area. Dog might end up with food in their belly beyond need.
Our first dog who passed a couple of years ago was very chill and would just lay under the dining table when we ate. At Thanksgiving I swear that dog got more turkey than any of us because my mom was constantly feeding him underneath the table. She would say “he seems like he wants it!” - I don’t know how many times I told her, “Mom, if you put the entire turkey on the ground he would want that too - dogs don’t often know the word “no” when it comes to food!”
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I hate dogs under foot at meals. We took care of “grand dog” for 3 months while kids were overseas. He liked to stay at feet during meals and sleep on the bed (which wasn’t happening). But he’s a smart dog and learned pretty quick that he wasn’t welcome at the table and we weren’t going to slip him any food (unlike his “mom”). As to the bed I bought him a big cushy dog bed of his own and that took about 3 seconds for him to jump in. When son got back he was amazed (and happy). Now gotta train DIL to not feed the dog at the table…
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My father was notorious for that and each and every time the dog would get sick the next day. Needless to say, the dog quickly wasn’t allowed near the table when they were around.
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I’m sorry that happened.
I had typed other stuff but thought it was better to delete. 
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