<p>For some reason I thought we were going to be spared pre -school roomate drama but alas no --any advice would be welcome.
We are (well) aout of state, D applies for housing (potluck) roomate, fine. At orientation she meets a great match (she is local to campus) and they decide to try and change roomate status (July 1st) but each are told they will have to wait until change date sept 6th, fine (complicated but fine). Then D finds out from housing yesterday that they can room together at move in but they must take roomate's dorm and academic floor (roomie is in a frosh interest group) which does not interest D(it would be good for her academically but would not be a good social fit)-she is pleased with her assigned dorm building-logistically and sociability. Roomate says she was willing to change to D's dorm in sept (however, I bet with an interest group they need to stay clustered). Now roomate really wants D to try out academic floor and then if not happy change in sept, of course by then who knows where they (or D) would end up. It just seems to me that changing 2 weeks after move in is a hassle plus how do you feel settled if you think or know you are moving in 2 weeks? I know that D does not want to hurt potential roomate's feelings but wants to be true to herself!<br>
GUIDANCE PLEASE</p>
<p>I think honesty is the best policy. Just have D. tell her friend that she's changed her mind and doesn't want the hassle of moving. Sometimes "potluck" roommates end up being better than living with a friend, especially in freshman year when you will be doing a lot of social exploration anyhow.</p>
<p>control25 - This is an example of an instance where I really believe you should back away and let D sort this out. As you say, it's complicated. She apparently can't have desired roommate and desired location; and because she started out with the potluck approach, she can't have desired timing/settled feeling either. She needs to decide, on her own, which is/are most important - a specific roommate, a desired location, a "settled" feeling. She can't have them all.</p>
<p>She'll be fine either way; she may love her potluck roommate and still have plenty of time for her orientation friend; she may move after 2 weeks because that is more appealing than being settled.</p>
<p>We could all advise/vote/comment on which she should choose. But she should really figure this out herself or start out where she is now slotted, see how it goes and go with the flow.
Just my humble opinion. </p>
<p>btw, you've given me an idea: I'm thinking of giving us Rising Freshman Parents a new mantra: "August/September 2005: The Time to Back Away." Even if it won't be easy. :D</p>
<p>This is why most schools have a no choice, no change policy unless there are issues of personal danger involved.</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <p>...it's complicated. She apparently can't have desired roommate and desired location; and because she started out with the potluck approach, she can't have desired timing/settled feeling either. She needs to decide, on her own, which is/are most important - a specific roommate, a desired location, a "settled" feeling. She can't have them all.<<</p> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>I agree 100% with Jmmom, and if I was in the situation, I think I would limit my involvement to reciting what is above verbatim, then walking away. You know and I know that there is no "right" answer, and she probably has an equal chance of satisfaction, at this point, with any of her choices - she jus has to decide.</p>
<p>It is nice to have good friend who is not a roommate, so that there is an oasis and retreat from the inevitable domestic conflicts of roommates. That said, this is an easy one to let her plow through, including the physical moving if she so choses once you move her into the dorm at first. It is all about choices and the prices to be paid....inconvenience, hurt feelings, buddies, location, etc. Your line is "oh dear, what are YOU going to do?" If you sympathize lots, you get credit without doing much. Her friends will pitch in and help, or not, and then she finds out about her "friends".</p>
<p>Thanks for the responses!
Actually, I am trying to just be a sounding board for her, sympathyzing w HER (difficult) descision. BUT, when asked my opinion, I did want to make sure I am reponding with an (CC) informed backround.</p>
<p>when my son changed roommates after an awful experience, he was in with a boy who they got along, but really weren't friends or anything.
They socially, respectfully co-existed. I think it was the best thing for him. to always be with a friend I think would be difficult.</p>