I don’t like dogs, period. I can tolerate smaller, older, quieter dogs. But I was chased on the street by a large unfamiliar dog when I was young, and I still remember the fear. I was also scratched on the face by a dog at someone’s house at the dinner table, also when I was young.
If you don’t mind my masking, how did the situation blow up? What did the hosts say to your wife?
I’m also sorry that your in-laws were not more understanding towards your wife.
Just for the record, I believe all pet owners should be courteous towards their guests. I have cats, and recently a delivery person did not want to come onto my porch, where my cat was sitting, because she said she was afraid of cats. I told her to leave the package where she stood on the walkway and I would retrieve it. She thanked me and was probably glad I did not simply say “oh don’t worry, the cat is friendly”, and expect her to come on to the porch anyway.
Is there a doggie daycare nearby? Even a good puppy requires some interaction. Might make your experience better that day not having to worry about anything but your guests.
Personally I’d ask my sister to eat outside but I guess I’m in the minority on this one. That said, I have put our dogs in the basement a few time upon request.
This is part of an interview with Caesar Millan on getting over fear of dogs. I wish I had watched it years ago. The interviewer has a big fear of dogs and Caesar guides him in how to interact with the dog.
It went down like this. We usually host for Father’s Day and my Bday. SIL texted asking if they could host and add in my niece’s bday. The small girls wanted to be able to swim at their pool.
We agreed to let them host. We were over there a month before for after dinner desert and presents and coffee. The puppy was out. He ripped my older niece’s skirt.
My wife texted her sister asking that they put the dog away. I am not 100% sure what the texts back and forth were before. We show up and everyone is in the backyard. Dog is back there. My wife didn’t say anything. Eventually we head in to eat. My wife asks her sister to put the dog away. Sister won’t. BIL made a rude comment about deal with it or leave and not eat. More words were had and we left before eating.
The sister has not acknowledge that they did anything wrong. So my wife and her aren’t speaking.
My wife just wanted to know if normal people put dogs away if a guest requests and it appears most everyone does.
Thanks
Please tell your wife for me that I totally understand her viewpoint. I hope that she and her sister can reconcile, but the apology should be coming from her sister (and her H).
Definitely feels like there is more going on here. I hope they can work things out.
I’ll say we as a group here would put the dog away but I have a friend who thinks her yippy, tiny, nipping dog can do no harm. “He’s fine!” Yeah, I know HE’s fine but I’m not!. He’s yappy with teeth who wants to stay on your heels. Very much her “family” member. He rules her. Literally.
So… before I was actually going to stop visiting friend altogether (I’d already bowed out once or twice specifically because of the terrorist dog) I did research on dog behavior courtesy of Casear Millan. Most of it comes to becoming “top dog” and how dogs think about territory.
Pretty easy rules in my case–no eye contact, no touching, no talking. If dog jumps in lap–put him off immediately (no talking, no eye contact). No talking–not even a “no”. No eye contact. And then when (and if) you decide to let him on your lap to be friends it’s up to you. Then you can look at them and motion that they can join you. And dump them off when you’re done.
It worked great. At first I heard how “mean” I was to the dog. “He wants to be in your lap! He’s just a little dog!” etc. But he now respects me–he behaves with me–no nips, stays his distance, waits for the invite etc. But only with me–dogs are smart. He still terrorizes others.
When my dad trained our family dogs they learned that dad was the alpha. As kids we followed dad’s instructions on how to interact with our dogs. As a result I grew up with many amazing dogs that were a part of our family.
D1 and her fiance are the alphas in the family and their husky knows it. He is an amazingly smart dog and a wonderful family member as a result of all of their hard work with him. I am not a fan of people that get dogs and choose not to train them.
I adore dogs. But people - especially guests in my home always come first. My default is to put our friendly, smallish, harmless dog away and only bring him out if/when our guest beg to see him.
It’s unfortunate that some pet owners seem to believe it’s all about their pet.
This reminds me of the vet office where I take my cats. The reception area has clearly marked separate waiting areas for dogs and cats. I guess because of the configuration, the cat area is more obvious, so dog owners are constantly coming into that area with their dogs. When I politely point out that the dog area is over there, 90% of the time the response is “oh, my dog doesn’t mind cats!” I’m sure thats true, but the poor (already traumatized because they’re at the vet) cats yowling away in their carriers certainly mind your dog!
Wow. Some of these stories (like the Dog owner saying his dog is fine being with cats)!!
Self-absorption is much more rampant in recent years.
Well the dog owners were certainly in the wrong here. But… as I often do, trying to understand their motivation for rudeness. I guess for hosts who think of their pets as children, it would be like asking them to have their kiddie locked up when visitors come for dinner. Still agreeing with the group that the sister should have put the dog elsewhere. Just thinking perhaps it’s not worth a family feud. Of course it could make sense to do things with them elsewhere.
Interesting analogy. Lots of people will happily lock (okay, maybe not actually LOCK) their kids in another room with a TV, toys and some food to get peace and quiet to enjoy their friends.
Yes, good point. But those parents (and similarly most pet owners) would do so voluntarily. If a guest requested the kiddo be sent elsewhere, the host might be offended. Not wanting to start a debate, just presenting a possible scenario from a different viewpoint. (Personally I like dogs. And kids. Just prefer not to need to guard my food from them.)
Or don’t even realize that they need to. I’ve known people who seem to expect the dog to understand English.
Your post reminded me of something a friend said to me years ago, when I was still getting over my fear of dogs. I was visiting her as she house- and dog-sat for some acquaintances who had a lovely perfectly behaved black lab. She said: “A well-trained dog is a happy dog.”
D2’s roommate has a dog that is a rescue and is leash aggressive towards other dogs. D2 has tried to kindly tell her roommate that her dog needs more training to behave better on a leash, but the roommate will not listen. When we had D2’s birthday party at a local brewery a couple of months ago D2 told her roommate not to bring her dog because all dogs have to be leashed there. The roommate was as bit put out when D1 had her very well behaved husky at the party. She asked D2 why D1’s dog was there and D2 told her because D1’s dog knows how to behave both on and off leash.
Your D2 handled that well. Gosh, we like dogs but are not dog owners. It’s lovely to see a few well behaved dogs out at brewpubs etc. But we do get annoyed (and sometimes frightened) when there are some dogs that get loud / fighting.
I just watched a documentary that said dogs can understand up to 160 words. So many of them DO understand English!
I agree with your friend. Dogs seem very happy when their human takes control and makes expectations clear.
Yep. One of my dogs is super anxious, and a lot of her most annoying behavior stems from that anxiety and just not knowing what to do with herself. Sometimes the very best thing I can do is command her to “Go to bed!” because she understands exactly what that means (bury herself under the covers in my bedroom).