<p>So I really like my Econ TA who is a pHD student ten years my senior. He's 30, I'm 20. Not only do I find him incredibly physically attractive but I also came to respect his passion for economics and his previous work in the past. I just find him so interesting, mature and easily approachable. He knows who I am as I went to his office hour each week (for help...and eye candy ;] ) and also because I was among the top in the class. We've talked, sometimes about non-school related things, but it was always with other students who came for office hours as well. I just couldn't find the right moment to be alone with him. However, I do sometimes get the feelings that he flirted with me by the way he looked and smiled at me. Perhaps I am misjudging him from being friendly to flirty. We girls do tend to over analyze things. One thing for sure, I did flirt with him...you know, the whole eye locking thing, wearing cute clothes, lip gloss right before sections haha.</p>
<p>I don't think he's married - no ring. But I also don't know if he has a girlfriend although he did say he spent Thanksgiving working alone. Oh and also, while he was my TA, our paper and exams were graded anonymously among all the TAs in the class. </p>
<p>Anyways, the quarter has ended and I emailed him a casual thank you letter, saying how I admire his work and I ended the letter with a "hopefully I'll see you around campus". He responded semi-formally wishing me luck for the future and so forth. I guess he's not showing interest? Yet at the same time, I feel like with this situation, it's difficult for him to ask me out even if he has interest...with the age gap and all. I don't know....Help! Should I send another email asking him out for coffee to get to know him better...just so it is more straight forward? Or would that be too out there? WOuld a 30 year old even be interested in someone ten years younger?!</p>
<p>I know it's a big risk because 1) the ten year age gap, 2) he's a pHD student...he must be awfully busy!, 3) I haven't had a boyfriend before...and this is by choice. I have been asked out before but I just didn't like any of the guys. I don't know how a 30 year old would feel about dating an unexperienced girl. 4) He was my ex-TA. I don't think it can get him in trouble though because I am 90% sure he won't be my TA again (no more Econ classes needed). </p>
<p>okay, but let’s say i do ask him out for coffee…would something like this sounds okay: “hey hot TA named blank, i have one more thing to say. i would like to know if you’re interested in grabbing coffee with me sometimes next quarter? it would be great to get to know you more. if not, then enjoy the rest of your break!”. i mean, his last reply was so short and formal in compared to my first message and i don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. it’s like in class and office hours, he’s more approachable and laid back while with email, he maintains this formality. and no, i don’t do this often…asking out guys, especially not someone who is 10 years older. and what worries me is that if by some miraculous work he said yes, does this mean i have to pay for his coffee? haha</p>
<p>women like u are the true tragedy to this education system…wut u want to go sleep with him so u can get a grade change or aletter of rec…and how do u know he’s not married???</p>
<p>leave the man alone and stop wasting his time…ur relationship with him will not last more than a year (considering his age) and u are very well aware of this…STOP TRYING TO MAKE MEN MISERABLE…god there are so many women like u in this world…its pathetic</p>
<p>I think what’s holding you back is your fear of rejection. Ten years is not that big of a deal but you’re trying to rationalize that it is. Think of having him as a friend for a while and try to get over the “mad crush” which comes with being inexperienced. See if he is on Facebook, whether he is married, in a relationship, etc. If he’s not taken at the moment, ask him to meet you for coffee. If he declines then you can move on and if he accepts go slow and please don’t share all those thoughts about him on your first coffee outing!</p>
<p>He may not be your TA anymore, but the conflict of interest is still there, since he was your TA. I doubt he’d get into trouble for merely having coffee with an undergrad, but i suspect that if it went well you wouldn’t want it to stop there. If your relationship got serious and it came to light, he could get in serious trouble.</p>
<ul>
<li>the dude’s 10 years older than you. And you’re not an econ major, so you’d probably have very little to talk about anyway.</li>
</ul>
<p>@jtanton - sorry, but i already have my grade and it’s an A which i earned by working hard (reading the textbooks, studying, going to the TAs AND the professor’s office hours). my academics have always been on the top of my priority list and i believe in succeeding with morality. so please leave my grade out of the reasons why i want to pursue him. </p>
<p>@zzzboy and jshain - yes i do have a fear of rejection. to be honest, i’m more scared of him saying yes than no…because of the possible consequences. but hey, i am a firm believer in risk taking if it’s worth it. thank you for your inputs it’s just, i might not get a chance to see him again ever and you can say i’m a hopeless romantic who believes in carpe diem. </p>
<p>@beyphy - i understand that i may put him at risk…which is what i obviously don’t want to do. but he isn’t my TA anymore. and back when he was my TA, my papers and exams were graded anonymously by all the TAs in the class. nevertheless, I understand that there is still a risk. and even if i am not an econ major, i am a poli sci major and do have some interest in economics. but people have dated out of their major areas too so i don’t see a problem in that. thank you for sharing your thoughts though :)</p>
<p>My advice would be to check if your TA has a Facebook first and add him if he does. </p>
<p>You can stalk his FB for more information and communicate with him casually from there.</p>
<p>(Also, just because I’m nosy, can I have the TA’s last name? It’s fine if you’re uncomfortable. I’m just curious to see whether I had him. lolz)</p>
<p>@sheep55 - I do. I sometimes feel like our lives are all written up for us and we’re just tracing along the lines each day. But if that’s the case, it’s kind of sad…because then, technically, we don’t have control. So if it’s fate, does that mean I should do nothing and see if our path will cross in the future? I just don’t like being a bystander…I like to feel that I have some sort of control and certainty. I know I know, I look way too much into this…but that’s the kind of person I am heh :P</p>
<p>@sentimentGX4- Haha noooo I’d rather ask him out than add him on facebook. I actually think that’s more awkward somehow. And sorry, I want to keep the name to myself If you’re curious, he’s a tall brunette (haha yes that’s oh so helpful).</p>
<p>I guess I am leaning more towards asking him and taking the risk. I was also thinking if it’s better to ask him if I can get my final back rather than for coffee. Because then maybe, I’ll get to meet up with him alone. And if the meet up seems friendly and even flirty, I can ask if he wants coffee…he’s so much more easier to talk to face to face than by email. The thing is though I don’t know if that’s bothersome for him seeing the class is officially over. What do TAs and professors even do with our finals usually?! haha.</p>
<p>It’s not that awkward to add a TA on facebook. I had a TA that added me after the quarter, and most of the class is also now friends with him. Actually it seems like most people I know at UCLA have him as a mutual friend. If he’s at all interested he’d accept your friend request. If not, you never have to see him again.</p>
<p>Yeah, it’s actually very common to add TAs on Facebook. It’s a good way to gather information and some people add you without ever expecting much of a word (on Facebook). Your TA wouldn’t even suspect you like him.</p>
<p>Now contacting your TA via email, that’s awkward. Email is used for all formal affairs. Do you talk to any of your friends regularly on email?</p>
<p>EDIT: @ThisCouldBeHeaven
People REJECT friend requests of people they know in real life???</p>
<p>(Even if he adds her on FB, it doesn’t mean he’s interested. If he rejects her then he must really not like her as a person/friend.)</p>
<p>EDIT2: Also, I’ve had like exactly one tall, brunette male TA that’s been remotely attractive. A lot of my TAs are actually bald so it really narrows it down. ;)</p>
<p>Will this be the new Crush on a Guy thread? </p>
<p>But to the OP, I think you should go for it: what do you have to lose? I feel like you would regret it more if you never gave it a shot. Whether you believe in fate or not, you still have to be active and you cannot wait for a “chance” moment to happen. (Lest be like the people who end up waiting for their perfect match until they’re old)</p>
<p>@ OP:
Email him, ask him to have some coffee but keep it neutral. Something along the lines of:
Hey TA, when you get a moment, would you like to have some coffee? I am interested in grad school and would like to know what your career trajectory was before you embarked on a PhD?</p>
<p>FYI, grad students LOVE to talk grad school because the whole process is hard work. Let him do the talking, add your few occasional responses and let the conversation run its course. If he’s engaging, you’re in the game. If he’s constantly gazing at a distance or checking his watch, finish off the date, thank him for his time and move on. Don’t sweat the age difference, everyone has their preferences and you can’t assume that’s an issue. As always, be true to yourself. Good luck!</p>
<p>@gatos -i agree! i’m most sure i will regret it if i don’t act. thank you for the encouragement! :)</p>
<p>@ChavezRavine - thank you! your comments definitely help. i will email him sometimes this week for sure. and it is true i am interested in his past works and grad school so it’s like killing two birds with one stone.</p>
it’s just, i might not get a chance to see him again ever and you can say i’m a hopeless romantic who believes in carpe diem. </p>
If you’re curious, he’s a tall brunette (haha yes that’s oh so helpful).</p>