<p>With my daughters, if they drink, they spend the night, and plan for that. They both know people who got DUI s and itsthe last thing they want. If they spend the night, they need to tell us. My husband, my mom, me, we all share our plans, and I would expect nothing less from other adults in my home. It’s about respect, worry, etc. One time my daughter called me and my phone had died. She was very irked she didn’t know where I was. Hrrmph</p>
<p>We always tell each other where we are going and when we should be home, we call to see if anyone needs anything from store, etc. </p>
<p>Common courtesy. However, I’m not one for turning a blind eye to sleeping in all day. If they are home, they contribute, and there is no sleeping in till noon. Call me mean, but they are used to it. My daughters have told me they actually like getting up early, thhe hate wasting the day</p>
<p>We had young relatives come and they stayed 6 weeks. My husband warned them non partying all night and sleeping day. That if they were staying that long, they were expected to contribute </p>
<p>As for guests staying, older adults, they usually don’t disappear nd show up at 2am without letting us know and they are respectful.</p>
<p>Hubby says sometimes that if they wake him up late when he has work in the morning that he will be sure to wake them up early on the weekend!</p>
<p>Not too many rules here either. S1 has gotten his Associates at CC and starts at the Univ this Jan. He lives home and works almost full time. We don’t ask for much and cover his insurance and tuition (help from granny on tuition and CC was affordable). As long as we know he is saving most of his pay and getting decent grades that is fine with us. He wants to buy a condo or house and not rent, at least not for long. He does his laundry and is in charge of his bathroom. It is usually not very clean so every month or so I will do some work in there. He comes and goes as he pleases. Cooks for himself if I haven’t cooked anything (which is often!) and buys his own food when he is out at school, work or play. He buys his own clothes and toiletries, almost everything. I want him to stay here for a while longer because I don’t want him moving in with his girlfriend or paying $ for rent instead of saving. I like knowing what is going on in his life. If I make too many rules he’d be out of here. He and his girlfriend do drink wine etc, but they are 21. No parties in my house when I’m not home and he takes care of the dog when i can’t.</p>
<p>S2 went away this year as a fresh to a small LAC, but is transferring to a Univ nearby this jan. He hated the small school. He will be in a dorm at the same school S1 will be commuting to! (we’ll probably get them apt together in future for a year). S2 is playing football (reason we will dorm him-saves time and betters chances he makes all classes and practices) He doesn’t work. He has no money saved! We didn’t make him work due to football schedule. He did do some hard work for grandfather this summer. I think he is a bit spoiled but we do enjoy watching him play ball so we make it easy for him to do so.</p>
<p>Their college years are completely different and I bet that in the future they will both wonder if they’d have preferred what their brother did! (one went away and one earned lots of $$) S2 is not allowed to drink at home due to age. He doesn’t have a real curfew but is usually in by 2 or sleeps out. I’m sure he drinks at school and sometimes with his HS buddies. He claims nobody drives drunk. I keep reminding him about it. He does his laundry when home and also helps clean the bathroom (also not very well). Does chores as assigned but neither one volunteers. Neither one has many friends over (except S1 girlfriend) because we aren’t “fun” parents. </p>
<p>I want them to move out someday, but not just to get away from us. Having them here gives me chances to walk in and see what’s up.</p>
<p>I’m so happy S2 got accepted to his transfer school! It was so hard waiting to find out!</p>
<p>lenny, drinking and driving is anathema to my D for a sad reason; she’s lost two friends to two separate drunk driving accidents, so she knows in a very real way that yes, it can happen to people like her. I know that she drinks at school, hopefully not to excess. When she and her college buddies go out, she tells me they don’t drink, and I tend to believe her; she has lots of pictures on her facebook of outings to restaurants, bowling alleys and clubs, and I’ve never seen anyone holding a drink in any of them. Since I have no control over what she does at college, I’m choosing to believe her unless proven otherwise. </p>
<p>I’m less confident about what happens when she goes out for the evening when she’s home on break. I think at least a couple of her HS friends party pretty hard at college. Each time she’s home, I remind her, “If there’s no safe way home, you will NEVER be in trouble for calling us to get a ride. You will NEVER be in trouble for deciding to stay over at a friend’s.” </p>
<p>As far as drinking at home, it’s been a non-issue so far. DH and I don’t drink at all, so there’s no parental liquor cabinet for her to raid. If she keeps a private stash in her room, I haven’t seen any evidence of it. She has never taken alcohol in my presence, and I’ve never known her to come home drunk. Like I said, it does happen at college; I hope not too often. </p>
<p>Alcoholism runs in my family, and I’m a recovering alcoholic myself (sober since before she was born), so this has been a subject I’ve worried about for her. I’ve talked with her about it since middle school, and I’ve been very open about how it affected my life, and how it affected my father’s life. She probably has the predisposition and I’ve done what I can to innoculate her.</p>