Hello everyone,
I’m trying to change but it’s hard when I have a speech disorder called Dysarthria. Which makes it hard for people to understand me. I want to be more social and overcome my fears about how people will react to my speech disorder since barely anyone encounters it every day like most people are used to speech impairments like shuttering and lisps. It’s hard for me to approach people I want to make friends, although most time people are usually being nice although there will be a mean one somewhere. Although I want to find a girlfriend it’s better to make friends with boys and girls so I can get to know them first. Since people can hide their true self until you get to know them. Since I have trust issues since I was bullied in Middle school. Now I’m in university, so I want to approach people and becomes friends with everyone.
I would suggest being parts of groups to get to know people.
So make sure to do any activities that your dorm has, for example.
I wonder if it would be helpful to make a little card to give you people that explains Dysarthia. It could be like this or something.
"I have Dysarthia. Dysarthia means I have trouble speaking and you may have trouble understanding me but please be patient. It is a medical condition. "
I would make sure people know that you are a student just like them but have this condition. Also talk to your RA so they know and can spread the word.
Make/Buy cookies and share them with people on your floor.
Also join other clubs so people can get to know you.
Make an appointment at your college counseling center and explain your concerns. Do it soon, as they get booked up quickly. I am sure they have worked with students who have similar issues.
Meanwhile, I strongly suggest you get involved in a volunteer activity, campus job, or the campus ministry. These are places where people are going to tend to be less judgmental. And carry on as normal. It takes a while to get to know people in college. If you have had friends in the past, you will have them again. All these early groups of people clinging to strangers are going to move apart and people will form relationships with new kids. Everyone will start being more relaxed soon, because its not so new anymore. Best of luck to you.
My daughter is a college freshman and also has dysarthia as well as some other obvious differences. By the end of high school people knew her and had gotten past it and she was petrified to start over again. I agree completely with what @Lindagaf said above, try to be yourself, carry on as normal and get as involved as you can - even if it’s scary at first. She also made a good point about finding activies that tend to attract less judgemental people. My daughter found friends in theater and volunteer organizations. Another thing my daughter learned overtime is not to assume that someone is judging you and she also became more open about her disability. She will acknowledge it in certain situations in a way that she never would have in middle school. Best of luck - don’t forget everyone is looking to find friends right now. It will all come together soon.
@bopper Get out of here with your bad advice lol. A “Dysarthia CARD,” really? That’ll just make people treat the OP differently.
And learn the difference between a SOCIAL impairment, and a SPEECH impairment. While it’s true that many people with social impairments such as autism also have a speech impairment, it is still possible for a neurotypical person to have a speech impairment WITHOUT having trouble in social situations (aside from their speech disorder).
@Lindagaf Not very smart, are you? How do you expect the OP to have a campus job with a SPEECH disability? Most jobs, all jobs actually, require the ability to speak.
And how do you expect OP to schedule an appointment, when you have to call to do so? Depending on the severity of the speech impairment, not all people are able to call.
Often I have read about younger students who have a disability of some sort, and the parents would explain to the class what the issue is. That removes confusion about what the issue is and misinterpretations. It makes it explicit what the child can and cannot do…but they are a kid and want to make friends just like everyone else.
In the OP’s case, people might assume a social/academic issue in conjunction with the speech issue…so one idea was just to be forthright about the speech issue. The OP can do whatever they want.
Exercise everyday to help build up your confidence.
Yes, I hope you find your tribe soon. It’s pretty brave of you to take these risks. May be easier to connect with someone 1 on 1 first - a dorm mate or a person Good luck and have fun.
Sorry it cut off - I meant a person you have seen around in more than one of your classes- a familiar face.
If your uni has a speech pathology clinic, please consider going there for any help.
A card of some type would help with your professors.
Also do you play any games like D&D or Magic the Gathering or ? that might be a good group to check out as well
I’d suggest joining whatever clubs interest you and taking it from there. Kids can be terrible in middle school, I’m sure a lot of bullies wish they could take back the hurtful things they have said and done. College kids should be more mature and considerate, it comes with age to most, not all. If you’re in a club you are already around like-minded people. The same would apply to the kids in your elective classes. Initiate conversation with someone who has a friendly face and take it from there.
Girlfriends, the best relationships evolve from friendships. Sometimes that stuff finds you when you aren’t looking.
Stay strong and if someone offends you let them know. If someone chats with you let them know you enjoyed talking. Even the most confident people are winging it at times.
Good luck.
Let us know what you have tried and what works out
Does your school have a speech pathology major ( speech and hearing, communication disorders and sciences, etc)? If yes, I would consider making an appointment in the clinic. Besides helping with your speech, they will offer advice/support regarding any social concerns you may have.