<p>And don't tell me stuff like "You don't" because let me tell you something I have that's so horrible to life with.</p>
<p>Asperger's Syndrome- Diagnosed 12/2/98 by a Dr. in Houston, TX.</p>
<p>I'm a Junior in college and my GPA is 3.05 I'm Computer Science but I've never made a single friend or gf because I can't look people in the eye or laugh because I hate my weird voice. I haven't joined any clubs because I'm interested in none.</p>
<p>Before ya'll post ignorant stuff like "man up" please read some statistics: 80% of Aspies in their 30/40s are unmarried. And 32% NEVER worked or went to college 5 years following HS. Compared to 26% of Down syndrome cases. I AM BLESSED to ever set foot in college because most people with Asperger's are completely handicapped. The world worships a god called 'social skills' which must be useless because to me, all you need is math.</p>
<p>If you find me pathetic, guess what, this is my attitude and it will never change. I will never stop whining about how much I suffer socially and I still want a girlfriend because I need love in my life. All you normal (non-Autistc) people are in heaven right now so shame on you for not feeling sorry for me.</p>
<p>Many people need to work hard at some things that don’t come easy to them, and if you find it hard to make friends, and you want to have friends, it will take extra work on your part to achieve this. </p>
<p>People don’t “get” friends or girlfriends. They need to be friends. Think about what it means to be a friend. It means giving something of yourself to others. You haven’t joined any clubs because you are not interested in them, but that might be backwards. Perhaps the interest could be a result of joining a club.</p>
<p>People with AS tend to get obsessed and focused on things. This is great for some achievements, as that superfocus can lead to discoveries and accomplishments, but it also can result in not being willing to get outside your comfort zone and to make friends you just might have to do that. Pick one club that has a focus on giving to others. Find something you think you can do- tutor school kids, work on a Habitat house. Find something that allows you to share your strengths with others.</p>
<p>Also, use the college counseling center. Someone there might be able to help you. There may even be some psychology graduate students willing to work with you on social skills. You might think the focus on social skills is useless to you, but they are tools to relationships that people must learn to have friends in their lives. You can think of it as a behavior-reward choice. If improving your social skills gets you something you want, then that is a reason to do it. Getting a coach may also help. Speech therapy can help you modulate your voice and speech patterns. Social expectations extend to appearances too. If someone wants a job, then they need to dress appropriately. Someone might be very qualified for a job, but if they are not dressed neatly and appropriately for the interview, they may not get that job. To make friends, you will need to learn some social skills and expectations, and also focus on your appearance if you have not done so already. </p>
<p>While social skills may not come easy to people with AS, many, like you, are quite blessed with giftedness and intelligence and have a lot to offer the world. You can use that intelligence to learn social skills. I think you are capable of giving it a try. </p>
<p>My ex-neighbor, with AS, was married to a nice woman (a doctor, as it happened), who had the energy and generosity of spirit to find his virtues. They seemed to have a happy marriage, as far as a neighbor ( friendly but not friends) could tell. </p>
<p>It can happen. It does happen. Your challenges might be more than the next person. Good advice here; try the counseling center. Good luck, but it will require effort on your part – nobody, AS or not, “gets” a girlfriend. </p>
<p>“Pick one club that has a focus on giving to others.”</p>
<p>^^ This. This is good advice that is backed up by research. Studies on self-esteem have found that the number one thing you can do to improve your baseline self-esteem is acts of service and compassion.</p>
<p>Likewise, just as everyone is saying, no one “gets” a girlfriend. Instead, think of yourself as a gift, beautifully wrapped and filled with a treasure meant to delight the recipient. </p>
<p>Instead of trying to get a girlfriend like a rare Pokemon (gotta catch em all!..well, at least one), make a gift of yourself to women who interest you. </p>
<p>There’s a reason the others in this thread are saying things like “generosity of spirit” and “a lot to offer the world”. Love is, above all, an act of giving. </p>
<p>I’m completely obsessed with finding a girlfriend and I’m willing to spend an extra year or two just to find love. I’m extremely jealous of couples I see everyday and I can’t stop crying and wishing a girl would knock on my door.</p>
<p>If personally rather have a 0.0 GPA than never to find a girl because that’s the ONLY thing on my mind right now. If I don’t get a job, I’ll take a big loan for 5 years, use it up, then hang myself afterwards.</p>
<p>You are right, that whining about having a girlfriend will not help you get one. Like others have suggested, join a service oriented group. That will be more about the activity and less about talking. But as you do the activity, practice your friend making skills.</p>
<p>But I can’t get rid of my obsession in any way. If I get a good grade on a test, I feel that’s going to move me up the “boyfriend quality percentile” </p>
<p>Everything I do is thinking about getting a girlfriend, it’s like WWII to me and whenever I see a girl I like, I picture her in a wedding dress and fantasize her at the beach with me, in bed, etc. This is my ultimate goal in life.</p>
<p>I don’t think this thread can go any further in a constructive vein, because the OP is not responding to the advice, but merely restating his feelings. I am closing the thread.</p>