I have recently finished my freshman year at a university I did not like and am all set to transfer in the fall. I am excited for the change and do like the school I’m transferring to and the city it is in, but being home for the first month already has made me realize how much I truly love it here. I absolutely hated living on campus last year. Unlike high school, where I was done with classes and physically left the school grounds, I would still be on school grounds for the rest of the day, and instead of having a car and either going to work or home after classes, I’d just walk back to my dorm room, sit there, walk 50 ft to the dining hall, and back to the dorm and to bed. This made me crazy. Because of my hometown job, I have mostly friends who are a couple of years older and out of college, and the other friends I have commute. Being around them and my family and working at my job again that I’ve been at for 3 years on a regular basis has made me realize how truly attached to home I am. In addition to working, I am also taking a summer course 3 nights per week at my local community college and absolutely love being able to drive home after class is over and get away. I also like having the balance between work, school, and free time, that I did not get living on campus last year. I am looking forward to going to school in a big city because I do enjoy the city life, but I still can’t get over how much I love being at home, having a car and everything else. I haven’t really enjoyed anything as much as I could this summer because I tell myself it is only temporary and I will soon be leaving. And I don’t even leave until August 30th. I just miss having my current routine year round, because now I only have it for 4 months out of the year. I know I will like my school once I get there, but the fact that I applied to 5 transfer schools and could have commuted to all of them besides the one I’m going to makes me wish I was staying home and still having my old routine, my car and my job. I only have an income 4 months out of the year now, and it is hard because most of my friends commute also. I chose this school and sacrificed commuting because of how prestigious it is if that helps. I hate the fact that I haven’t been able to truly enjoy anything this summer, because I think to myself, “In “xx” days, I’ll be gone and won’t be doing this anymore, so don’t enjoy it too much.”
Did you get into any of those other transfer schools? If so, could you contact them and find out if they will still take you? Is commuting okay with your parents? Talk to them about it. You will save a bunch of money by living at home, and a lot of grief that seems to be affecting the quality of your life.
It seems to me that you’re denying part of who you are simply for a particular choice of school.
It’s OK to love your home. It’s OK to want to spend time there. It’s OK to live there while you attend college.
Going away isn’t right for everyone. You’ve proved you can do it; you can exist without mommy and daddy. Great.
Why not transfer to that community college, or to another local school, and do the things you love?
No, I can’t. The other 4 schools I applied to aren’t the most prestigious, and the one I chose is one of the best in the country, like almost at an Ivy level. It’s also in the city, which I always enjoy, and about an hour away, but to me, nothing is like being home. There is one other prestigious school I applied to in commuting distance, but they wont take any of my credits and it is such a difficult school that my parents think the commute would affect my study time. Plus, I have a high school friend I might be rooming with in the fall, and all my family besides my cousins went away to college, so I don’t want to break that. And no, my parents are not ok with me commuting to the school I’m going to.
You absolutely need to become involved in activities. Try some clubs. Get a part time job, even if it’s very few hours a week. Don’t sit in your room when you are just doing easy, lighter studying and homework, go to the library a lounge or even the dining hall and just relax there at a table that is more open.
I plan to, and it’s not about that. I’m sure I will like my school once I get there, but the leaving and going back to reality and leaving home (and my job) after almost 4 months there is going to suck, and even though it is far away, I still think about it every day and it affects my enjoyment of things. There is an “easy” college about 20 mins away that I got into, but I turned it down because of the academic weakness. The reactions I get after telling people where I am going are priceless also, and I haven’t heard back from the other school I could commute to yet, but even if I do, my parents will never let me go there because of how bad the workload is. Plus, my dad and my aunt and other family members “have no idea why any sane 20 yr old would want to live at home.”
Transitions are always hard, especially when you are moving to a new situation from a happy and comfortable one.
I agree with @Mom2girls that it will be important to get involved in activities at your new school. Find one or two activities you care about and it can be a great way to spend time productively and meet people with similar interests. The college experience should be more than going to class and studying.
I think you also need to give yourself permission to find new friends and get into new happy routines – it won’t discount what you have at home and it will add to your life and college experience.
Lastly, I’d recommend that you seek out the counseling center at your new college and get a professional’s help as you adapt to the new school – it could be a huge benefit just to talk things out with someone.
Thanks. It makes me feel ridiculous that I had so many opportunities to commute and I turned them all down for a prestigious school. My dad asked me once months ago, “Would you be more comfortable going to “XX” near us and commuting? You would be selling yourself short if you did.” I said “No thanks” to this, and I’ve visited my friend at my new school and enjoyed the life there, but it’s hard when you not only have friends at your job who are there all year and share stories that you don’t know about when you are gone, but also friends from high school scattered around home who you get together with in the summer every weekend. It also doesn’t help that my neighborhood has an annual barbecue literally the weekend after I leave when it’s still too soon to come home. I just want to be able to enjoy the summer without saying, “You only have this routine for another 2.5 months! It’s now one day closer to leaving day!”
If your parents are okay with it, live at home after you graduate.
And forget about your dad and aunt and other family members complaining about you living at home. If your mom and dad let you live at home, it’s none of your aunt’s or your other family members’ businesses.
It sounds like you are on track to try out the new college, but if it doesn’t work out, you could also do an online college like PSU online or similar.
You are experiencing the hard trade offs of adult choices. The truth is, if the new “prestigious” school doesn’t work out, you can change again. If you chose to change again, then you have to deal with the consequences, good and bad. Either choice you gain some things and you lose some things. The best advice I can offer is to make your decision and try to not look back. Decide in your mind that it is the best decision and what you have to give up for it is worth it. If you don’t learn to do this when you make hard choices, you may continue to struggle with decision making, and that angst isn’t worth it for your quality of life.
Also, enjoy the time you are having at home now and accept that the transition to your new school might be difficult because of what you know you will be giving up or missing, but it also comes with all of the positives that lead you to transfer there in the first place.
If you live off-campus you could have your own home.