How did you decide who pays for college and to what extent?

Parents Forum
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<p>Momma-three, sometimes it isn’t the most talented and academically top drawer kids that wrench your heart in terms of school choice. My friend with three kids had no compunction in telling their kids that they needed to get merit money to go to private colleges, unless they wanted to commute. The state school was what they could afford, and they were fortunate to have a state school with such a great rep, and kids who could get accepted there.</p>

<p>When it came to Kid#3. however, gaining entry to the flagship was iffy. Even more importantly, a big school like that was absolutely not a good match for the kid. Even the dad who was a hard core state school supporter saw that this was one kid who would do better in a small college community. They also felt that he needed to get away from home rather than commute. Their best choices, by far, for this kid were some smaller LACs that were very pricey. They were not name brand schools by any means, but with the young man’s stats, he was not going to get any merit money from them. So they bit the bullet and paid for him. Today they feel it was worth every cent. With the journey he had at college, they are pretty sure that he would not have survived at a large state school. None of his friends and similar peers made through college as he did. </p>

<p>It’s a bit easier to swallow paying a huge cost for a name brand school. There are folks who would cut off their right arm and then work scrubbing floors to put their kid through Harvard. But, that child is likely to do well anywhere if in the rare category of being accepted by such a selective school. It is often the child who is not Harvard material, maybe not even State flagship material, that can benefit most from the small, expensive, private college.</p>

<p>My son is currently at such a school. Even with his merit award, and working to pay a piece of the costs, it’s tough for us to make our share of the payments. However, what he has gained from the experience is way beyond expectation, and worth every bit of what the full cost is of that school. The personal attention, the growth, the happiness is everything and more. It hurts me that some of such options are just not affordable to us.</p>

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<p>We’re going to pay for our children’s educations, whichever school they choose. However, in order that they consider cost and value in their evaluations of the various schools, we’ve let them know that if they choose the state flagship instead of the $50,000 a year private, or if they earn merit scholarships (we won’t qualify for need based aid), we will invest the money we “save” and it will eventually be theirs.</p>

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<p>cpt That was exactly what I said in my post. A parent just does not have an idea until their child is approaching the years when one thinks of college. What is appropriate for one kid may not be appropriate for another and that stands for kids who are either very talented or have needs to be addressed. A parent may not see a large state school as appropriate for a kid who needs services and the expensive private may be the way to go. That is why I am opposed to the whole thing of bashing the “dream school” that is currently going on in the press and on this forum. A parents personal decision to seek what is best for their child is their own decision between them and the student. There are just too many variables to make a decision solely based on finances. Many parents have been funding private instruction for their kids from elementary school through highschool because their child needed that. Is there any reason why those same parents would not want to see their child in the appropriate college. That is what the dream school really means…it is the place that is best suited for that student. There is too much negativity around this issue and many people have a sore spot regarding the choices of others. The only time I get upset on this board is when I read about kids who have so much going on and they have parents that are choosing to do kitchen remodels or additions instead of following through with completing the job of raising their kids in the best way possible. I have been through the whole scenerio with my kids and all we could do is our best…sometimes it still does not turn out the way we envisioned but again that is life. The long and the short of it is just try to do your best and your kids will know that you had their best interest at heart.</p>

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<p>We told our kids they would graduate debt free from the state flagship uni or could apply that amount to a private and borrow the rest.</p>

<p>We also gave them a small monthly amount. We charged them for cell phone and if they wanted to take their car, they would have had to pay insurance.</p>

<p>We allowed them to keep all work study monies for pocket money</p>

<p>We paid for grad school applications, but they are funding their own grad school costs. I think when the loans come due, we MAY gift them a portion toward the loan balance, depending on how life treats us between now & then!</p>

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<p>1) University grant/scholarship
2) subsidized loans if needed/available
3) saving under student’s name
4) W/S, summer job and/or other student incomes
5) parental contribution if needed/available</p>

<p>Very fortunately, both kids get very generous need based financial aids. Plus that they all get nice paying jobs during the summer. DD made, for example, over $8,000 in 2009. She paid all her expenses plus school bill for one of the three quarters. </p>

<p>Other than their school bills, we are only paying for their basic phone bill at $10/per month as an added line. They don’t have cars so there is no gas nor insurances cost.</p>

<p>The idea is that they are responsible for their education expenses. We are here to help them when we could. It is very hard on us, but with FA, their earnings and deep cuts in our standard of living, we are making the ends meet.</p>

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<p>H and I paid tuition/room/board for his kids and our kids. My H paid for his education through a combination of GI Bill, part-time work, and after undergraduate school H received graduate research assistantships and a teaching assistantship, which covered the cost of tuition and provided a monthly stipend. My folks paid for my undergraduate degree (back in the day, even working-class families could afford to pay for the state flagship university–in my case Univ. of Michigan). As a faculty spouse–i didn’t have to pay tuition for my graduate degree. </p>

<p>We didn’t get any financial aid for our kids and very little (parent loans) for H’s kids. Both of H’s kids started grad school (both paid for by employers). One kid finished and the other dropped out and went to work for a high-tech start-up and did a whole lot better financially than the one who finished grad school.</p>

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<p>I think being clear what the situation is and having students make a decision within the financial parameters is important for letting them take the first step toward financial independence. However, it was hard to really let our son have the final decision and we hope it works out. We don’t qualify for FA at any university…we have put aside a lot of savings and have a good income. We showed S the 529 plans and savings for college that can pay for 4 years at very expensive private and he could use however he wanted…either to pay part of instate and then part of grad, etc. He won a significant scholarship that was transferrable to private school (pay about 1 year) or would pay 4 years tuition instate. On top of that he won another instate free ride…etc and many large scholarships at private and public universities. We pointed out that if he went in state, he would have enough with his transferable scholarship and 529 for graduate school at any school of choice (2 year grad program) and we could transfer remaining 529 to sister and we could set him up in business or studio…He still chose the private 4 year, no aid choice…his reasoning was sound…he doesnt want to do grad school right away, his undergrad is the most important experience for his career,and the school he chose offered some unique advantages over other schools…does it hurt to see all that money used for just 4 years to get a BFA and an uncertain future…absolutely, but it is his decision and he knows that he will be on his own financially when he leaves school. He worked in HS, knows he has to fund all expenses outside of school and R and B, and will be impoverished upon graduation. Funny…but I already see the benefits of him making this decision. While very easygoing and somewhat unfocused in HS, this summer he has been transformed. I see him pinching pennies, being frugal which was unheard of before. I see him already determined to wring everything he can out of his undergrad experience, he is working harder at his art this summer than he ever has, …perhaps knowing that he has no second chances financially has sharpened his desire to succeed…if so it is a fortune well spent</p>

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<p>Fineartsmajormom, I too, let my kids make the final choice, and it hurt each time as I did not agree with what they chose.</p>

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<p>We tried to make is as simple as possible for our D. Basically, we told her bottom line how much we could afford to pay each year from current income and savings (tuition, room, board, transportation, books, etc). She could apply wherever she wanted, but should not have her heart set on any one school. Once the offer letters came in - she realized that some schools were affordable, some were not. She is working over the summer and during school to pay for entertainment, sorority dues, etc. </p>

<p>Every family has different considerations. We would prefer not to incur any debt to pay for college, so I am working part-time and my entire income goes to tuition. We are forgoing big home improvement, new cars, travel, etc. for the next 7 years (2 kids). But, in the end, we will have no debt and a lot of extra disposable income from my part-time job to blow on ourselves once kids graduate.</p>

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<p>I envy parents who can afford to pay full COA!</p>

<p>I have 3 kids - the youngest is only 9 – and as of today I do not believe we can afford to pay COA to state flagships.</p>

<p>I am constantly trying to balance savings vs. current needs for kids – is this EC really worth the $ now? Is kid enjoying the EC enough? </p>

<p>All that said, I probably will not divide funds equitably among my kids for college. I used to think that was “wrong” for a parent, but as my kids personalties emerge and grow, now I just think it is my job to support as best I can emotionally & financially each as an individual.</p>

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<p>We also found that merit aid from different schools were all over the board. Some privates offered almost full tuition merit aid, others almost nothing at all. Luckily, one of D’s favorites offered 1/2 tuition and so total cost fell right within our budget. It ended up costing us less to fly D across the country than letting her attend top-notch school 5 miles away from home because of different merit aid offers. We are hoping S’13 gets similar merit (probably talent-based) aid when his time comes.</p>

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<p>We found the same thing, Megpmom. Son was accepted to some eastern LACs that are about on par with a couple in the west and south west. He didn’t get any merit offers to the more local schools. With so many kids applying to them from our area, I can see that he would not exactly be enhance the stats in terms of geographics. Whereas the other two schools seek those kids out of area since a good 40% come from within a few hours of where those schools are located.</p>

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<p>How far away are you from actually facing this reality? I mean, do you have toddlers or teenagers?</p>

<p>We had a family philosophy, we thought, but what we actually did was quite different from what we had envisioned, so I wouldn’t set any plans in stone.</p>

<p>Our oldest went to an Ivy that did not have great financial aid at the time. I wanted him to go to the state U. He is a kid who could have thrived at either place. Teachers and others “got to him” and convinced him that of course he should go to the Ivy. He ended up working two jobs all year, and also f/t on vacations and summers. We essentially split the cost. He had some loans, which we helped with (didn’t tell him this in advance) to save on interest.</p>

<p>Ironically, he is now paying that back so that I can go to school in my 50’s!</p>

<p>Another factor was his field of study, which has led to a lucrative tech. job. </p>

<p>Our next one got full fa, and I have no idea what we are going to do with the 3rd, but we cannot afford private w/out fa or merit aid, and she is working for a year first.</p>

<p>The younger two are in the arts, and we cannot assume they will make as much, in fact we assume they will make very little at first, after college, and that is a factor too. As is personality, drive, health, many factors to all this.</p>

<p>(Music and art schools have very little fa, by the way.)</p>

<p>Basically, we will pay whatever we can, but our resources are not huge right now. If they can make their choice work, we support them in any way we can.</p>

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<p>“How far away are you from actually facing this reality? I mean, do you have toddlers or teenagers?”</p>

<p>I don’t even have kids yet, it was a purely hypothetical question. I am just interested in how other families have dealt with paying for college since it is such a personal thing that differs with each family and their circumstances. Sometimes on CC it seems like parents are more concerned with a school’s name than the practicalities of paying for it and would take out a second mortgage/work two jobs/incur $200k worth of debt to send their kid to an Ivy (or wherever). But most of the responses have been very practical and realistic, and fairly in line with my own thinking. </p>

<p>When my parents refused to contribute financially to my education, I kind of wondered if I had entitlement issues or if they were actually being unreasonable. Their mid-range EFC hurt my chances of getting good need-based financial aid or being able to work my way through college on my own. I actually got married a few months earlier than I would have otherwise just so I could get independent student status. At the time, I didn’t realize that that would also triple my federal loan amounts. Ironically (given his college situation), my husband has become the one shouldering most of the financial burden for my schooling and I supplement that as much as I can with part-time jobs… but it’s still a situation I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.</p>

<p>However, I will say that having to deal with funding my own education has probably made me value it more. I NEVER skip class and I am probably more thoughtful in my class evaluations than some of my peers because I seriously ask myself, “Was this class worth its $2,000 price tag?” I have very little patience for “slacker classes” or terrible professors because I am paying through the nose for this education and expect to be educated! Hopefully by the time my yet-unborn future children attend college, we will have been able to enact some serious college tuition/student loan reform…</p>

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<p>My parents always told me that it was my job to figure out the grades to get into hte best school I could, and their job to figure out how to pay for it, and that I wasn’t to worry about it. In retrospect, I don’t know if this was the best approach, because even though my parents told me not to worry about it, I was constantly anxious about money becuase the college I chose was very expensive and I knew that it was a burden on them to pay, I just didn’t know exactly how. I didn’t have a good understanding of where the funds came from to pay for my tuition and room and board, except I knew they were a mix of out of pocket expenses paid by my parents and generous assistance from my grandparents </p>

<p>This meant that I constantly felt guilty asking for any incidental money. This was in a way good, it pushed me to work for all my extra expenses and not turn to my parents, since i knew it was difficult to pay for my college costs. But also, I think I would have appreciate just a frank sit-down with them and a run down of how much it cost, where the money was coming from, and what I could expect to have left over. It would have allayed my anxieties and guilt as well as made everyone feel like we were in this together.</p>

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<p>Dad II…the types of deep cuts MOST of us are making are cutting out vacations, cutting out eating out at restaurants, eliminating ALL discretionary spending (in other words…we don’t buy it unless we NEED it), eliminating all expensive “frills” like wines, etc.</p>

<p>Please help the posters here by noting the types of deep cuts your family has taken. It would be a great help to all.</p>

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<p>^ sounds like one “deep cut” is “only” spending $250 instead of $500 or more on an unnecessary bicycle for toodling around.

If I needed $ to send my kids to school, I’d stop buying unnecessary stuff for me and save the money for them. Last night my H and I went to the dollar movie-- saw “datenight” (very funny movie). Weds night we have free preview passes to “Dinner for Schmucks” (both are Steve Carrell movies). I guess the difference is I spend $ on my kids, not on myself.</p>

<p>So… for some schools with generous FA, as long as families freely spend or shelter their money, they get a great handout from the schools. Sweet deal if you can get it.</p>

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<p>We are very very fortunate to be comfortably full pay for our son. My husband has work he loves which is well paying so we were able to tell our only child to choose a school he loves and is a good fit for him. We expected him to work up to his potential and we reserved the right to veto applying to any school we felt was not worth the COA. That really wasn’t a problem thankfully. He wound up getting accepted to schools with a COA of $25,000(with a very generous grant) to $57,000. He choose an oos public that is $42,000. It is an excellent choice for him and we are fortunate we can pay out of current income. He is working this summer for spending money and books. I want him to be used to paying for things and not expecting mom & dad to cover every expense. Having said that, his grandparents set up an account for him years ago with about $12,000 in it that he will use to supplement expenses for the next 4 years.</p>

<p>We also expect him to make decent grades.</p>

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<p>^^ just curious, anothercrazymom-- what salary range do you consider “well-paying”?</p>

<p>We too were able to save money and offer our kids lots of options for schools. But according to some posters here, our combined salary would be considered low income (I dont consider it that). Its all very puzzling.</p>

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<p>one word -Priority- i feel that IF it is your priority to get your kid into and pay for the best school they can get into then have a plan- we both went to state schools undergrad and grad with no other choices but both parents paid for undergrad but not grad (loans we have long since paid off). our plan A was to live well and below our means (still comfortable) pay off the house and owe nothing when college came around- pay for college undergrad with savings and income and not grad school. plan B took effect when the cost of grad school was an enormous debt D would have had to pay. she took jobs at college and summers to help. we are paying for grad school. i told both of them that it was their responsibility to study which was like a full time job and we would pay for college as long as we could which appears to be long. plan C i have talked to both about is if for some reason (god forbid) we died or lost our jobs, etc they were to consider staying at home go to the local state college and go from there.</p>