<p>Neato, R & J needs English to English translation, ie, British English to American English.
Colour = color, Behaviour = behavior, Phone me = call me, Fish & Chips = Not good lunch.</p>
<p>RBGG: Hmmm…you may be right; at least in our experience, it may have just been Exeter that notified by parent email. Still, my point was just that it’s not a given that the mail even comes to the kid–but, really, the whole who opens the mail discussion is pretty much a non-issue since almost everyone (Andover would be an exception of course) notifies by email at a time when kids will be at home. (I don’t think any of us would race our kids to the computer to open the mail first. 
) I particularly appreciated that Groton waited until 4:00 (or thereabouts) purposefully, so that kids would be home with their parents to get their decision. </p>
<p>And yeah, I wasn’t suggesting that you were attacking, just that it could be interpreted that way, as could about 2/3 of the posts on the topic, which is why if felt like changing the subject might be a good idea. Then again, maybe I’ve just lived in the Midwest too long…</p>
<p>Alexmom: I am afraid to tell you that college’s that send snail mail acceptances/rejections do send them to the boarding school student’s home address! We received my boarding school senior’s college decision at home, as it is her permanent address, even though she was lurking around the school mailroom, expecting it to be delivered there. Our deal was that I could open it, and then overnight the letter to her, so she could have it in her hands. I haven’t yet discussed how March 10th’s mail should be handled…we aren’t looking that far ahead yet (although I know my younger daughter thinks about where she wants to go everyday…)</p>
<p>Sue: There is a huge world of great colleges in between the level of ivy leagues and state flagships, as you have noted. Although I know people out there who feel “ivy league or bust”, in terms of how willing they are to pay high tuitions, that is not an opinion I subscribe to. I also feel that once you have paid significant $ for boarding school, paying significant $ for a non-ivy makes equal sense as you realize that although your child might not be going to Yale, Brown, Princeton, etc., the value of the smaller class size and more accessible faculty (yes, I am generalizing!) offered by another private college is very clear. Just my opinion :)</p>
<p>Hello moms, I am applying to boarding schools and felt like checking out the parent pages…
I would like to say that if you show your child that you are sad because he/she did not get accepted, believe me that the he/she would be feeling a lot worst. When one of the schools didn’t accepted, I got very depressed for a whole week because it was the first time I felt so rejected! And thank god my mother didn’t pressure me with her sadness because being sad because of something you didn’t do well is enough, adding your moms sadness to yours would feel a lot worst!</p>
<p>How very true, FarisM, and how wise your mother is. Thank you for coming here to share your perspective.</p>
<p>
Opening birthday cards, pen pal letters and school results are not in the same category at all. The former are personal, the latter is a family matter.<br>
School grades at my kids schools come addressed to the PARENTS OF. Actually, one emails them to me.</p>
<p>Linda S, that is not how admission’s decisions are sent, however. They are addressed to the student by most schools. It’s your opinion that the opening of the mail is a “family matter.” Others opine that because the child is minor that it’s the parent who should do the opening. Thankfully, in my view, there is also a large percentage of parents that believes one should not open mail addressed to others, particularly such a benign, but important piece of mail addressed to your own child.</p>
<p>I just wanted to pitch in. Last year I got rejected from Andover. I really loved the school so the rejection did hurt a lot. It was kind of hard at first but I just thought of all the up sides and positive aspects. One piece of advice for parents is don’t pressure your kid and also explain to him that it’s not a personal rejection. I was lucky enough to understand that it wasn’t a personal thing and I really matured and learned a lot from the entire process. At the end of the day, who we become in life shouldn’t be determined by a boarding school acceptance/ rejection.</p>
<p>To return to the OP: I plan to practice this phrase: “Well, it’s their loss.”</p>
<p>I have told my daughter, she has done everything she can, it is out of her hands, and as Periwinkle said, it will be their loss.<br>
I KNOW that she is academically and athletically qualified for all of the schools she applied for. If she is not accepted it is not a matter of being rejected, it’s either they thought she was not a good fit (even if we don’t agree), there were others equally or more qualified and they had to chose, or there was a lack of FA.<br>
Recently at her school they were asked how many kids were feeling pressure from their parents about the secondary school process. She was the only one who did not raise her hand. When pressed (they did not believe her), she replied that she was putting it all on herself, so we didn’t have to…
Now all that is easy to say and if the acceptances aren’t there, it will still be hard - for all of us. But she’s a great kid, who will excel and do well wherever she ends up. We need to, as parents, nurture that and support that. Hopefully we’ll only have tears of joy.</p>
<p>May-thanks for busting my bubble—lol. I was hoping to be the last to know—lol. Just joking.</p>
<p>I asked my d about this and she said she didnt really care. If the mail came to our home to open it and tell her. </p>
<p>I think it is more about how the child feels verses the relationship of the parent-to-child. My d is just very laid back in comparison to hyperness.</p>
<p>@Parlabane said:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Amen!</p>
<p>To the other posters who are spouting their </p>
<p>*“thank god there are parents who follow me into a mass group think of good parenting according to me” * and their holier than thou my way is perfect method … </p>
<p>do try to get a grip. I mean - we know y’all are perfect and we should genuflect when you grace us with your presence, but we’re too busy laughing and talking and skyping with our kids (secure in their independence) to care that you hate that we opened a single piece of mail </p>
<p>(waiting - waiting - Yep - as I thought - the world didn’t come to an end and Armegeddon didn’t start because we don’t drink your Koolaid)</p>
<p>Those of us who don’t follow your dogma have kids who think the “spanking” we keep getting here for not following lockstep is stupid. And I agree. To each his own. The parent letters on “paying” are in the envelopes. They didn’t come separately. And for those of us who happen to have a different relationship with our kids - they’re doing just fine thank you very much and we weren’t the ones whining about how “we” didn’t get our first choice of school. </p>
<p>A little perspective please.</p>
<p>This issue has been done to death and frankly it’s not about to change anyone’s opinion. So let’s get back to the original post as Parlabane so eloquently said.</p>
<p>If a student doesn’t get in - it’s their loss. Grieve it, eat comfort food, hit a pillow, or just rejoice that someone, somewhere loved you enough to say “yes” or cared enough to say “no” and spared you the stress.</p>
<p>It doesn’t appear that many of the posts addressed the OP’s question. We’re waiting for March 10th to arrive so I can’t say how I’ll cope should the letters be thin that day. But let’s face it, the decision to apply to BS was not one taken lightly and there’s been an awful lot invested in the entire process. We can take comfort in the knowledge that we tried to identify schools that would be a good fit for our child based on our selection criteria. We tried to put our best foot forward but the decisions rest with the schools. I hope the letters will be thick but if they aren’t the milkshake will be.</p>
<p>My experience has been that the parents that had themselves attended bs were the ones most devastated.</p>
<p>Check the earlier posts–before we all got WAAAAYYYY off topic, and you’ll find some good ideas for how to cope.</p>
<p>Mostly we just kept making plans as if he were going to be home next year–focusing on the good stuff–and never referred to bs without prefacing it with, “If you get in to…” We always kept in mind that, no matter how qualified our son was, getting in to a HADES school, especially with FA, was a crapshoot. </p>
<p>So when our son was waitlisted in eighth grade, we were all a bit disappointed, but mostly said, “Hey, I guess we weren’t crazy to think you could get into a school like Groton,” decided it would be worth trying again the next year, and went back to talking about all the good stuff that came with staying home. There really wasn’t any grief.</p>
<p>OP here. You guys give the best advice, but now I want a milkshake (vanilla, inexplicably). </p>
<p>May we all find suitable distraction in the coming weeks.</p>
<p>Hey parents, I just wanted to point out that if I was rejected at a school that I really liked, and was sad about it, I would want my parents to show some emotion. Like when I tried out for a sports team and didn’t make the cut, my dad and I were upset, but he told me re-encouraging things like, they don’t know what they’re missing, and it’s their loss. After a couple of hours we both felt better, and I was happy that my dad had so much confidence in me. I know the scars of not getting into your top choice school will take longer to heal than this, but I just wanted to point out that you shouldn’t be wearing a poker face on March 10 for you kids, you should be able to share their emotion for a little while.</p>