<p>Now that the applications are in, there is the possibility of DC's not being graced with good news on March 10. But we parents face real disappointment in such instances as well, much as we may protect our kids from the full weight of those feelings in our effort to help them cope. One dream for our kids has to fade as they fashion others (and they will, of course). There may be some embarrassment in front of the current school and those who wrote letters, as well. Would anyone be willing to share how long the disappointment of no acceptances lasted for you (not too long, I trust), and what helped you to regroup? Was there any upside to the bad news? Very curious to hear your responses. Thanks in advance!</p>
<p>I loved how you put this, btw:</p>
<p>“One dream for our kids has to fade as they fashion others (and they will, of course).”</p>
<p>There is no sadness. It is a win-win proposition. If they get in it is a win, If they don’t get in it is also a win as we get to keep them for at least 4 more years. We need to remind ourselves that there is a cost to loaning our kids to BS.</p>
<p>Thanks for the nice responses so far! My DC is actually just applying to day schools, but how very true and poignant it is to consider that we only get to borrow our kids for a short time, and that every year with them is precious.</p>
<p>We know that our child is a strong candidate at any of the schools he has applied to, and if he doesn’t get in, it won’t be because he wasn’t “worthy”. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, and we can live with that.</p>
<p>It is hard to see your child cry, while dealing with your own emotions and disappointment, not in your child, but in the process and the cruel reality that there are more qualified kids than spots.</p>
<p>I think its helpful to keep that in mind and to help your kid with the same understanding. There are so many equally qualified students (including you), that luck plays a large part. The ‘match’ idea also helps, that schools needed a particular athlete or orchestra player, that year, it’s not personal. All you can do (student) is work hard and hope for the best. If not, look for other opportunities, they’re there.</p>
<p>We prepared for possible disappointment all through the admissions process by constantly verbalizing the good things about staying home and thinking through that possibility as thoroughly bs (what activities he’d do/classes, etc.)–and by keeping every mention of boarding school as an “if” statement. Somehow, saying all the alternatives out loud helped, at least when ds was waitlisted his eighth grade year. He also, though, applied to one school where we were 99.9% sure he’d be accepted (though we didn’t know that he’d get enough aid), so I think that helped psychologically too.</p>
<p>It IS hard. If you are not a financial aid applicant then I urge you to be sure to apply to schools that you know will accept your child.
Every school is a reach for a full FA applicant, and without a so called “hook” there is a possibility of not getting anywhere in this process. </p>
<p>Not easy.</p>
<p>I’m in complete agreement with Sunrise1, even in the day school situation. If DC does not get into the school of his/her choice, it was probably a poor fit for everyone. And your child will be happy and successful regardless of where s/he goes to school b/c s/he has a caring and supportive parent such as yourself. We’re in the same boat as you. We applied to three day schools and cannot wait for March 10 to be here and gone. Good luck!</p>
<p>Sometimes a door closes to open another. My D did not get accepted to a local private school that once recruited us. My D cried all weekend. Then we got an odd email saying they wanted to reconsider. Apparently the rejection ticked off several board members who noted we were full pays. ($20k+ a year). So I showed it to my daughter who said she wasn’t “a source of revenue” and would spend the year at her current school and apply to BS for the next year instead.</p>
<p>I didn’t think I could survive a raft of rejections and sure enough - three came right on the 10th in the form of emails. She was stoic - I was not. </p>
<p>But those notes were followed by two fabulous acceptances and a HADES waitlist. We had choices. But in the midst of that joy I began reading posts from CC parents and students who were not so lucky. Some who got spots and not FA - which is as good as rejected if you don’t have funding.</p>
<p>Brace for the worsts - have lots of comfort food nearby - hit a pillow - indulge your rage. Then realize a boarding school rejection often isn’t about the kid - it’s about too few spots for two many qualified students.</p>
<p>I tell parents to hedge their bets and apply to a range of schools that meet their needs. Have choices - even if you decided to turn them all down. </p>
<p>But if the die are cast and the apps are in - there’s no avoiding the anger (or the homicidal thoughts - lol!) if a rejection comes. It’s part of the grieving and self doubt process. Like college only coming much much earlier. </p>
<p>Lots of people commiserate here on the boards after March 10th (and before because the wait is excruciating). We’ll rejoice if your child gets a spot, and hold your hand and coach you through the pain if they don’t.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Love these responses. Will definitely have comfort food at the ready! It will be good to come here to commiserate if all goes south, and the advance commiseration is helping, too!</p>
<p>You must be so proud of your D, Exie, for her comment about not being a revenue source. Great story.</p>
<p>One thing that our family did last year, that I recommend to others, is taking everyone out to dinner on March 9th to celebrate the end of an arduous journey. Having one apply effects the whole family. I’ve dealt with two Christmas breaks in a row of this crap, so trust me, I know how emotionally draining it can be for everyone. What we were celebrating was not an acceptance prematurely, but just the fact that son had really put himself out there for examination with the very real possibility of not coming out on top was worth celebrating.</p>
<p>But the OP asks how we parents dealt with OUR sadness. Well, the year before, when son was WLed at Groton for 8th grade, he was devastated. But I was heartbroken. I was so sad that he would have to face another year at our public school. But I have a rule in my house: the maximum time for feeling sorry for oneself is 5 minutes. (You can be sad as long as you want.) After that, you have to either make a plan to change things, decide that you don’t care enough to make it change, or shut up. I apply this rule to myself and my kids. So rather than complain about the lack of challenge in his Public school, he found ways to accelerate enough so that it wasn’t miserable. He filled his time with more theatre and music and friends; basically enjoying any opportunity that came his way - even if it seemed lame at the time. </p>
<p>So the short answer? Five minute pity party then move on.</p>
<p>I have to admit that my child is applying to one school s/he probably wouldn’t choose over our LPS. I encouraged the application to this school to which I’m certain s/he will be admitted because I wanted my child to be able to have a choice come March 10th. I did not want the LPS to be seen as some kind of loser default.</p>
<p>Even if s/he doesn’t get into one of the top schools on the list my kid will be able to say to him/herself and other people, “I had options but I chose the LPS”.</p>
<p>Because we looked at a range of schools and were careful about choosing based on fit, not prestige, I expect the news to be good on March 10th, but the waiting process is made easier by the fact that I can honestly say to my child, “I don’t know what your options will be, but I can assure you you will have choices.”</p>
<p>Brother, I think parents’ reaction depends a great deal on the timing of the letters. Even one acceptance can lessen the blow of rejections. If a child applies to four schools, the emotional impact will be very different if the parent finds in the mailbox three rejections (or waitlist), and then, the next day, an acceptance, than if an acceptance comes first, and then three thin letters.</p>
<p>I promise to share my emotional state and coping strategies come March 10th.</p>
<p>Parents tend to react harsher than the kids. If we don’t make it the end of the world, our DCs tend to move on fairly quickly. Don’t get stuck on one acceptance/rejection–it’s not life or death.</p>
<p>Oh - I have to tell ya. Rejections via email code on the tenth is brutal - then two full days after the 10th before we got the acceptance packets snail mail (I think they should be Fedexed - lol!) and one thin letter. </p>
<p>I will admit that I opened the packets carefully, screamed out loud, texted my husband, then carefully glue-sticked the envelopes back together and waited for our D to come home from school. I acted surprised while she opened them (shhh - don’t tell her). I ignored the thin letter thinking it was another “no.”</p>
<p>Warning: if you get a thin letter read it (or have someone less attached read it). We wondered why the Andover rejection was two pages long until I read it all the way through and realized it was a waitlist. So thin is not always a bad thing. :-)</p>
<p>If your child’s list includes a range of schools that your child would be happy to attend, then there should be some happy news on March 10th. If your local options are fine, then you should be OK. It’s the applicants who only apply to reach schools and don’t have good local options who will probably have lingering regret about not making more careful selections. If you can, it’s probably best for parents to hide too much disappointment. College applications are sooner than you might think, and you will go into this process wiser.</p>
<p>If you have local options, day school decisions usually come out sooner than BS decisions, so by March 10, if you already have a good local option under your belt, it’d be a great stress reliever.</p>
<p>Good to know that I have group therapy session scheduled on March 10th!</p>