I got into UCSB. I am a female and my parents have a traditional mindset for the most part. I do believe if I give them compelling reasons, they would let me. UCSB is about 5 hours from my house; they’d rather me commute to UC Davis which is almost 2 hours away. I do not want to spend the entire day driving. What are reasons I can use or what did you use?
You’ll lose valuable study time and academic help from your peers.
A relevant thread that you may find helpful. I hope that you will be able to convince them. There are things that you have to do away from home in order to become a better version of yourself and be independent enough.
Perhaps you could contact the Muslim Students Association at UCSB and ask if they have resources or suggestions. Ask if they will be having any events or presence at Admitted Students Day.
That is four hours of driving a day, which is 4 hours when you are not studying and is also dangerous. Contact the UCSB residence halls about all women dorms (they may not have one, but they may have halls that are all one gender within dorms). That might make your parents feel better. Are there any other Muslim parents (relatives or friends) who might help convince them?
An issue you have is that UCSB has a reputation as a party school. You need to overcome that, and if they are very traditional, that might be a hard sell.
Your parents obviously want you to do well. They should understand that four hours of daily driving is going to seriously cut into your study time. In addition, you will not be going to classes at set times every day for all four years. Do they want you driving to class at 530 am for a class that starts at 8, bearing in mind that you can’t just park outside the classroom or lecture hall? Will they be happy with you driving home in the dark for two hours, maybe starting on the drive at 10 in the evening by the time you walk back to your car in the dark? Believe me, every type of college can and will schedule regular classes at all times of the day. Do they want you hanging around for six hours between classes, when you could be in a dorm room studying or getting some rest? I mention those times because I experienced them all.
I’m sorry that your parents are not being at all practical. Davis also has an MSA. Honestly, that would probably be my first point of argument if I were in your shoes. Barring all that, I hate to suggest this, but you might have to consider going to a local CC for the first couple of years. At that point, you will be a much more mature person and your parents will want you to graduate. It will probably be easier after a couple of years of you being responsible to show that you can handle yourself. Good luck.
Perhaps OP could clarify which UC the parents want her to go to.
@Ohm888 , she says they prefer she commute to Davis, which is 2 hours each way.
@MYOS1634 has a lot of expertise, or might know of someone here on CC who has experienced this issue.
I can’t imagine having to commute that distance every day. Explain to your parents that there will be study sessions, work projects, and academic clubs you will need to participate in after classes. Do they want you driving home late at night and then waking up at the crack of dawn? IMO it would be much safer for you to live at school.
That’s what I thought, but then I thought you were saying 5 hours to commute was too much and she needs to convince them otherwise, so I got confused. I must have misread. ?
On another note, I see they got rid of their emojis and are using the standard ones finally.
@mysteriousmah What is the significance of your parents being Muslim? You said in your other thread that you are a first generation college student. Just tell them that the UC schools have many Muslim students, both male and female.
Can you get them to be specific in their concerns? If they can tell you exactly what they’re worried about, it will be easier to reassure them and to persuade them if you have something concrete to respond to.
Also, and you may need to find a way to put this so it helps your case rather than hurting it, any “trouble” you can get into living away from home, you can also get into spending long days on campus.
Good luck.
What about living on campus at Davis as a compromise? Closer to home, but the long commute is going to limit your opportunity to get the most out of college academically if you live st home.
They did have a gender specific dorm at Davis (Segundo) with a number of international students who were/are muslim. Mom and Dad could visit and ask questions.
There was a noise restriction such that when my daughter went to visit a friend, they were cited for “laughing too much” in the dorm.
Two hour commute each way is a very bad idea. Whether you attend UCD or UCSB, it would be more realistic to live on or near campus.
But this type of situation of parents wanting the student to live at home and commute (for other than cost limitations) versus student who wants to attend college out of commuting range is an unfortunately common posting on these forums, regardless of religion.
@damon30 it matters that I am Muslim because they fear that I will mix up with bad people and lose my faith
- Commuting takes up time and is very tiring.
- Colleges have students living on campus so they can work together, be involved in campus activities
- If you are on campus even on days you don’t have classes, you have the opportunity to go to professor office hours and lectures
- I would consider ways to make your parents feel more comfortable. Learn about any muslim mosques/student groups on campus. Say that you would attend services/do prayers. Maybe reach out to the student groups and ask how things work on campus. “I talked to the people at the muslim student group and what they do if prayer time falls during class, is…”
- Look if there are any housing situations that would make your parents feel better…like single sex dorms. Or see if you could get a muslim roommate.
- When you do go to college, interact with them frequently. “Just on my way back from the Muslim Student center and wanted to say hi while I walk to class.”
- "Mom, Dad: You have raised me in the faith. At some point I will leave home and you will have to trust that I will continue in the faith. I think that time is now. "
Two hours of commuting is a lot of wear and tear on your car and you will be spending more on car maintenance and gas. Your semester schedule will vary. Sometimes you will have a class in the morning and then a class at night. In that case you would have to spend all day on campus because it’s not worth driving back home. You might have a class that is 8 to 10 pm at night or a class as early as 7:30am. Are they ok with that? Imagine having to leave your home at 5:30am and if the commute is two hours away you never know what traffic will be like. You don’t want to be late to class for an exam if you have car problems on the way. Two hours is too far away and will add to your stress
@mysteriousmah
Tell them they can trust you. You can tell them the reasons in post #17 as well, but I think this is the main issue.