How do I overcome Shy, Anxiety, Talk to self?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hi, </p>

<p>I have a few quirks about myself. I'm extremely shy til I feel more comfortable in class then I feel like it is easy to talk to a few people. </p>

<p>My anxiety level is through the roof though. </p>

<p>One thing that is pretty difficult for me to overcome is that I talk to myself. </p>

<p>I have an overactive mind or something. I don't know why but I talk to myself by doing math problems by hand saying stuff outloud you know kinda like on a whiteboard alone doing homework assignments or something. I even sing to myself. Seriously, I know it looks weird to other people but how do I overcome all this especially the talking to myself part?</p>

<p>I'm not some creepy goth looking girl from the children of the corn movie. :-) </p>

<p>I hate to introduce myself in class. Would it be strange to just tell them my name and that I'm shy?</p>

<p>Thanks for your time! I'd appreciate any good suggestions on how to overcome this.</p>

2

<p>Sounds to me as if you have a really great mind that is just not average. My son talked to himself for years. He learned to edit himself by high school. Most gifted people are introverted/shy. Nothing to be embarrassed about. One of my nephews who is also introverted/shy has just found a wonderful girlfriend (and he also has a good job in the engineering field).</p>

3

<p>And my nephew probably still talks to himself. Nothing wrong with that either.</p>

4

<p>Being introverted, or being shy, or being both, is common and nothing to be ashamed of. It isn’t a defect. However, if you feel like your anxiety level about this is through the roof, then clearly it is something you’d like to address, isn’t it? </p>

<p>Some people are happy in big groups, some in small. You probably are most comfortable in a small group, so spend some time in your circle of friends or favorite class practicing your small talk. Read the newspaper, or movie reviews, or listen to the morning news on the radio for ideas of things that might come up. Practice in the mirror. Imagine yourself having the conversation, and it goes well. S2 is fairly shy but these things have helped him. But most of all, know that other people probably do not notice your shyness as much as you do, nor do they think of it much. </p>

<p>DH, as a child, ran to hide when the doorbell rang, he was so worried he’d have to talk to someone new. He still prefers small groups of people to big ones, but he is also compassionate, smart, funny, well-respected…and he talks to himself.</p>

5

<p>Used to have this problem in social situations, never in class though. I guess I figured that I was allowed to be intellectual in class.</p>

<p>I talk to myself all the time. I do it less in unfamiliar situations, and I’ve learned to stop if I feel people will notice. If I’m with people I’m friends with, no editing, besides what I do naturally (if I’m not sober… All the talking occurs and my mind is freaking strange. No suppression at all when I’m under the influence of alcohol.). People will either deal with it and accept you for you, or they won’t and it’s not worth your time. </p>

<p>I always think somewhat clearer when I have a conversation. Even if it’s with myself. I don’t think I should handicap my thinking processes because others might think its odd.</p>

<p>Plus, college is way better and less judgmental than high school.</p>

6

<p>I talk to myself. So does son2. Just try to find places where you can freely indulge (shower, driving alone, staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m., walking the dog . . .). S2 is very confident in his self worth, so he’s always been very public. This was tough about fifth grade but since then people just think he’s a smidge odd but very charming. </p>

<p>If you need to talk, then talk – just work to keep the volume down – and try and find a spot or corner so others can get their own work done. </p>

<p>Do research anxiety and learn some of the standard coping methods – but the truth of the matter is that most people in the world really don’t think about you more than for a very few seconds at a time. Sure, if you do something hugely remarkable, that one event sticks in people’s minds --but even then they are WAYYY more interested in their own lives and own challenges than in yours. </p>

<p>Don’t let your life be stuck in middle school. Those can be awful, scarring years when a dropped notebook or a loud gaseous toot is the topic of the week for days on end. </p>

<p>Lift your eyes to the world. I like to watch the hour long Canadian news because their news stories are in depth. The Economist magazine also has detailed stories about other things going on in the world. The more you have large horizons, the less your teeny bumps and pimples seem important. </p>

<p>Oddly enough, it can be helpful to construct the worst possible scenario in your mind – you know, the one where your clothes fall off and the President and the Pope and Brad Pitt/Scarlett Johannson are walking by with thousands of paparazzi, all with cameras pointed in your direction. Go ahead and make it the most horrible scenario possible and then real life kinda pales in comparison and a mere stutter or stumble seems like the nonevent it truly is. </p>

<p>Download “Waltz of the Wallflowers” by smallpotatoes and have a giggle. Here it is on youtube:</p>

<p>[Small&lt;/a&gt; Potatoes at The Back Room - YouTube](<a href=“Small Potatoes at The Back Room - YouTube”>Small Potatoes at The Back Room - YouTube)</p>

<p>It’s hilarious, painful, and sweet and wonderful.</p>

7

<ol>
<li><p>Singing to yourself is normal and comes off as normal. Whistling, for some reason, comes off as weird. If you like singing, try spending time with singers. Even if your voice isn’t great and if your pitch varies, do it and maybe that will help you with anxiety. Remember, nearly everyone has relative not absolute pitch and voice training is actually really easy for most people. </p></li>
<li><p>Anxiety is often a function of age. My dad used to call it a version of “free floating anxiety”, which you can look up. Don’t be freaked out by the extremes that are labeled a disorder. Nearly all rational people experience varying levels of anxiety. What can be done?Not all that much unless you want to commit yourself to a course of therapy and mood altering drugs. Odds are good you’ll outgrow it, assuming you’re in your teens or 20’s. As an aside, anxiety is not depression. You don’t sound and speak about yourself in depressive terms. Much of your anxiety is likely driven by whatever growth process is occurring in your biochemistry. I had it. A brother had it. One of my kids had it and has largely outgrown it. It’s a trait which occurs a lot. It isn’t so much “you” as the genetics of you and your biochemistry. Look at your family. </p></li>
<li><p>If people didn’t talk to themselves, they wouldn’t be people. Most of the scientists I know, for example, talk themselves through problems. I’ve heard some call themselves names as a goad. Musicians are the same way. Most people simply learn not to do this in an obvious way and in specific settings. No one cares as long as you aren’t doing it loudly or inappropriately, like talking to yourself out loud while someone else is answering a question in class. You learn to suppress this as you get older. BTW, lots of people use their hands as well. Musicians finger their instruments as they play in their heads. Mathematicians draw relationships in air. Again, if you have sheet music in front of you, people don’t think it odd to be playing air piano; you learn when it looks weird or not as you get older. And, to be blunt, you learn more and more not to care much because if you need to use make a few expressive gestures when you’re working, then you do it.</p></li>
<li><p>Most people are uncomfortable in groups. That is a major reason why people drink: alcohol reduces inhibitions and makes people feel more comfortable. The combination of loud noise from music and people plus alcohol is the human condition: the alcohol reduces inhibitions and so does having to talk louder and gesture bigger. I’m not telling you to drink; I’m explaining. My suggestion for dealing with groups is one I developed for myself. I was extremely shy. I could only deal with groups by putting on a show in my head in which I was a version of myself who was more at ease. I found the best results came from being me with an overlay in which I said to myself: I am always uneasy so this is me not being uneasy. I walled off the uneasiness by saying I would not be uneasy and that I was whatever else worked, meaning I was spontaneous, I would say what came into my mind. It’s a pretty simple trick.</p></li>
</ol>

8

<p>Talking to yourself is a “standard” coping mechanism. I wouldn’t worry about it. What you’re doing is thinking outloud, and it’s clearer for you to hear it that way, then silently. No biggie. The only difficulty is when others will hear you, like durting a test, or when whatever you’re saying shouldn’t be spoken aloud. I actually encourage my students that when they’re editing a paper, to read it outloud. Seeing it and hearing it really helps to recognize when some things need to change.</p>

<p>And telling others you’re shy? Don’t feel alone. Many people would say they’re shy. What you need to stop doing is thinking about you, or how you come across. I don’t mean that in a mean way. But rather, if you start thinking of other people instead of yourself, then you stop being self-conscience.</p>

9

<p>When I was your age if anyone had ever told me that I would someday be teaching in college classrooms I would have thought they were crazy. You can become whoever you want and work to be. When there are things you have passion about you will find yourself more able to speak about them. One sees this all the time with people who have been suddenly thrown into horrific situations. An otherwise shy person suddenly becomes outspoken against bullying, or some other cause. A quiet type expounds at length about his research. </p>

<p>Put yourself into as many different situations as possible, even if you don’t say much. Learning to navigate among different groups of people (school, church, charity, job, study group, soccer team, etc.) will help you to overcome your fear of being in front of others.</p>

10

<p>Hi chester,
This will not weird for others as you think. If you have a constructive mind then this is the best part for you. Talking yourself means you are always in thinking mode and that’s make you special from other’s. You will overcome from feeling shy by spending time with your friends.</p>

11

<p>Have you thought about seeing a psychiatrist?<br>
A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can prescribe medication for your anxiety.</p>

12

<p>chester - It’s a good thing you’re thinking about this now, as recognition is requisite for change. In my experience it’s NORMAL for teens to have high anxiety levels. As you learn more and experience more and become competent in more areas, the anxiety level should diminish greatly.</p>

<p>My professional anxiety lasted into my late twenties. I realized that was a liability, so I took some public speaking courses. One assignment was to talk to the class on a subject I had NO knowledge of (“Speak to the class for ten minutes on the ethic make up of Uzbekistan.”). Once I had that down it was easy to talk to strangers about the stuff I was expert in, and my anxiety disappeared.</p>

13

<p>What you are experiencing is entirely normal, and in no way a deficiency.</p>

<p>There are two separate issues here - speaking to groups, and feeling at ease in social situations. There are people who are comfortable in both, people who are comfortable in neither, and people who are comfortable in one and not the other.</p>

<p>As far as the first is concerned, one way that may work for you (it worked for me) is to put yourself into situations where you are forced to speak to groups. A great place to do this is a public speaking class - because the other members of the class are in the same boat and can (usually) be depended upon to be a sympathetic audience.</p>

<p>It’s going to be difficult at first, but it will get better with time. I was extremely self-conscious when I started (in a military instructor training class), and it took years of teaching in many different environments before I was completely comfortable standing up before a group of strangers and speaking, though I did eventually get there.</p>

<p>(As an aside, some people have successful public careers without ever overcoming the anxiety. The opera star Rosa Ponselle suffered nervous attacks before every performance and had to force herself onto the Metropolitan Opera stage every night. In spite of the fact that she was one of the most acclaimed sopranos of her generation, she never overcame the anxiety).</p>

<p>The feeling comfortable in social situations is a different animal. I can’t offer any advice there - I’m still dealing with it myself, after 66 years on this earth.</p>

14

<p>You describe your anxiety as being “through the roof”. Perhaps a talk therapist can help you bring your anxiety to a more manageable level.</p>

15

<p>^^ Is it possible that a component of your anxiety is about being anxious in class? Possibley if you get more comfortable with who you are and your introverted normalcy, some of the anxiety will abate and settle into a managable level.</p>

16

<p>Your college probably offers counseling services. Take advantage of them and become a better person.</p>

17

<p>Go into math - you’ll be accepted.</p>