So I’m an upcoming junior and need to start thinking about teacher recommendations. One teacher I’m THINKING of asking, she teachers my two favorite subjects and knows my interests in them. In fact, we are very similar. She’s had me for two years, and will have me next year as well.
Problem is, I’m a fairly shy person around people if they don’t approach me. Despite my strong interests in her classes, I never volunteered to answer questions. I have had A’s in the classes I’ve taken from her. I’ve talked to her a few times, I think she likes me as a student.
But…how would this go down with teacher recommendations? Is it generally harder to write a recommendation for a kid who is quiet?
(Paragraph formatting is not working. Sorry about that! Someone please fix this if possible.)
Those letters can be tricky, but not impossible, to write well.
The difference can be in the “brag sheet” that you give to your teachers before they write your letters. If your school doesn’t provide one, you can come up with one on your own. On it, you can include things like:
the fact that she will have taught you for 3 years
your grades in her classes
why you like both her subject and her classes so much
what you’re hoping to do with the material you learned in her class
how you’ve tied the info into life outside of class. (So, for example, did you redecorate your room and learn the geometry you used? )
how have you grown as a student as a result of her class? (So, for example, have you learned the importance of going back each night and translating math notes into simpler terms so you’ll make sense of them in 2 months?"
think for a moment of how YOU would write this letter if you were in her shoes-- what would you write? What are you hoping she will have noticed about you?
You see where I’m going here. That brag sheet can take the place of those conversations you haven’t had.
I’ve written a bazillion letters over the years, and plenty were for students just like you. Trust that your teacher will be able to do the same.
What if you take some baby steps towards speaking up in her class? You have an entire year of classes with this teacher before she has to write a recommendation letter.
Use this summer to learn some skills that will help you get past your shyness. I strongly encourage you to meet with a counselor or therapist who can give you specific strategies to practice. If money is an issue, then google for videos that can be instructive.
Find some small way to practice these skills this summer. Do you have friends who can encourage you? This is important not just to get a letter written, but for you to be able to go after whatever you want in life.
I am an introvert adult who is shy, and I worked to overcome my shyness in order to earn money while staying at home with my young children. Yes, I was scared, never got to the point of loving being the center of attention, but I put myself outside my comfort zone in order to meet my goals.
Your comfort zone can lull you into protecting your personal prison cell. But there are great adventures out there just waiting for you to explore. And the good news is that you can always retreat back inside your comfort zone to rest and recharge.
Change is hard and scary, but can lead to a more interesting life with multiple options. NOT changing is going to stunt your growth and limit you in every phase of your life.
So, admit you are scared and do it anyway! This is probably not the kind of answer you weee hoping for, but I encourage you to consider my suggestions.
@bjkmom thank you so much for suggestions!! I will definitely keep those into account.
@powercropper Yes I am definitely the “shy introvert” type. I do have issues talking IN class, but as long as it’s one on one it’s fine, I just won’t really approach anyone. I also do not like being the center of attention.
Unfortunately, the class I have with her next year is a hybrid class (online and in person) so it is not full year classes like before.
Brag sheets and resumes can be very helpful for teachers. I’m a very quiet student as well who sometimes speaks up in class and I asked my history teacher for a LOR. It was for a precollege summer program i wanted to apply for my sophomore year. I was afraid to ask him because I thought he would just seen me as another student, but I was so surprised by his letter. In his 10+ years of teaching he saw me as one of his best students that he’s ever had, hard working, and passionate. So don’t be afraid if you’re not that student who doesn’t speak up a lot, but like others said try to slowly increase you speaking up more. Your teachers know how intelligent you are and want to hear quiet students like you speak out more.
Honestly, some teachers really prefer the “still waters run deep” kids. If you find talking in class difficult continue to find ways to connect with this teacher before, after, or outside of class, in particular around the class material.
@Iridescentgaze Yeah I don’t speak much in class. I most of the time know the solution, but I don’t like to be the center of attention. I won’t see them much next year, but I’ll try! How do you get over the social anxiety?
@Sue22 The thing is though, I guess I just feel awkward in any kind of small talk. But I have talked to her a few times around one of the subjects she teaches.
@equationlover it’s definitely something I still deal with but what makes the anxiety worse is waiting. Like you may know the answer and the rest of the class is taking too long to answer the question or you really want to participate in class discussion. But you wait for the right time to join in and you wait so much that the anxiety heightens and you’re even more afraid to talk so you back out. To prevent that speak up immediately(but always think first) instead of waiting for the right moment to speak. Or there may be “smarter” people in your class that contstantly answers questions and it makes you nervous to speak out yourself or you’ll feel dumb. If this is the case you just have to be more confident in yourself and knowledge in the class material. If you know the information or believe you can add something to the conversation speak up. These are just the basics. If you want more help you may message me your situation more in detail and I’ll do my best to help you!!!
One of the best things about being a student (and a teacher!) is the fact that each year brings a brand new start. You can reinvent yourself just a little-- or a lot-- each summer.
Now, realize I’m no longer really talking about letters of recommendation; I’m confident that the letters you’ll get will be fine. But I’m talking a little here about personal growth.
The ability to make “small talk”-- to be a voice, even a tiny one, in a crowd-- is an important ability as you approach adulthood. And this is your perfect opportunity to become that voice, to become a little more comfortable speaking up a little in class.
Work this summer on making your voice heard, in little ways. Chat with the cashier about the weather. Regardless of how trite the conversations, try to have them to build your own confidence. Then, in the fall, make a conscious effort to make your voice heard. Again, small steps. Volunteer the answer when it’s a right/wrong situation and you know you’re right-- so, for example, in a math class. (And start early in the year when you KNOW the answers are correct because it’s mostly review.) I’m not asking you to volunteer to lead a debate in history, merely to say “Six” when you know it’s the answer. Your classmates won’t even realize that you’ve made a change, but YOU will. It will eventually give you the confidence to answer a question that’s a little more convoluted.
You’re bright and you have a lot to add to the school community. Try this summer to start being comfortable with all this. Take tiny little steps at first, but take them as frequently as you can manage.
Maybe approach your teacher and let her know that you would like to participate more but are shy/have some social anxiety. She might have ideas about how you could get over this hurdle.
@Iridescentgaze Thank you! I will message you when I get the chance.
@bjkmom The problem is that even if I know the right answer, my anxiety takes over and I end up stuttering and saying something wrong. lol this teacher actually teaches math/computer science, what I try to do is work out a unique or well thought out solution on papers we have to turn in. I hope this makes up my lack for discussion in class. I think you’re a math teacher based off your profile picture, do you have any ideas specifically for CS classes (not taking math next year with them)?
@mamaedefamilia I think she’s aware I do, but I can tell her if that may help.
I had the same issue of raising my hand to answer a question and I mess up and say something stupid. The main thing is to identify why your anxiety builds up at the thought of having to speak in class. Taking deep breaths and repeating positive reinforcements in your head will help tremendously as well. I would have major panic attacks in class and although it didn’t prevent them from happening, positivity thinking and breathing exercises I found online helped a lot. The most important thing is to not let the embarrassment get to you. If you do end up stuttering, you HAVE to move on and tell yourself “it’s fine that I stuttered this time, but next class I"ll try to overcome that.” Remember teachers are not judgemental of what students say, so if you’re afraid of your classmates, just ignore them and just focus your attention on your teacher while speaking.
@equationlover I know at least one professor who prefers the quiet thoughtful student, and at least one quiet thoughtful student who got very strong recommendations from multiple of her teachers.
You said: “One teacher I’m THINKING of asking, she teachers my two favorite subjects…”. I very strongly suspect that she would be VERY pleased to write you a recommendation, and would write you a very good recommendation. You could also speak to her about how you feel shy and what you might do to learn to speak up a bit more in class.
I agree that talking with the teacher could be helpful, first to your anxiety and then to the recommendation. Why not tell her what you’re struggling with and ask if she would call on you once each class? (Even if you don’t raise your hand.) This would provide both of you with a chance to participate in your personal growth, and if I were the teacher, a student who took this kind of risk would get a great, far from cookie cutter, rec from me, for taking on this kind of challenge.
At your age, you tend to be so very focused on what other people think-- so much more than your teacher is. You pretty much assume that everyone is judging you at every minute, and judging badly. The reality, of course, is that your classmates are far more concerned with who is judging THEM and that your teacher is really just trying to get someone to tell him that the answer is 6.
As to the letters of recommendation, please don’t sweat them. Being quiet is simply one of the many many personality types we deal with any day. You’ll get great letters, I’m sure.
But work on the whole coming out of your shell thing. If not in terms of answering in class, then in terms of making small talk as often as you can with anyone you can-- people whose opinions of you (even if they ARE judging you-- and I can tell you they’re NOT) don’t matter… the cashier, the bus driver, all those people you come into contact with each day. If it’s easier, start with adults… we really have too much going on to care if you stutter in the midst of small talk. Say hi to the people you pass on a daily run or walk… just hi.
One of the letters I wrote for a member of this year’s Senior class had a SERIOUS stuttering issue. But I have to tell you, I have such respect for him. Any time I called on him in class-- and I ONLY did if his hand was up-- he took his time, and got his words out. The other kids were wonderful of course… you would be surprised if you stopped and noticed how kind kids can be when someone is struggling with something. But he didn’t let his stuttering issue hold him back or push him into taking a lesser role in the class.