How do we deal w/ this teacher who wrongly "counseled" our S

Parents Forum
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<p>Luge, since the school district I used to work for made several out-of-court settlements with student parents, I have seen money go out to parents who sue. Sadly.</p>

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<p>DMD: "I guess if you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail."</p>

<pre><code> I guess if you're clueless, the obvious is invisible
</code></pre>

<p>This was not just "talking". When I am "just talking" to a teen (especially one that I don't know very well), I wouldn't EVER say that he/she reminds me of two people who are now complete failures. </p>

<p>If you think that is "just two people talking" then someone needs to give you a "heads up" before your kind of "talking" hurts some kid!</p>

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<p>dmd, I have seen plenty of cases in which parents sue and win against schools systems, but it is always because of special ed law, or lack of compliance.</p>

<p>I have never witnessed such a case because of a negative comment by a teacher.</p>

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<p>I know that there are a lot of posts so I can see that you didn't read why the first 2 were consulted with. </p>

<p>We consulted the first therapist to find out if we were "off base" with our concern. We were assured that we were not. </p>

<p>After we left the principal's office, we thought that the school was "blowing us off" since it sounded as if they thought what she said was "ok". (We didn't know that after we left, she was reassigned to teach another class). So.... we contacted a second therapist (for a second opinion) and, again, we were assured that the teacher was not qualified to assess or say what she did and that she should have contacted the parents, not the kid. That therapist prepared a short letter (I posted most of it) explaining to the school that the principal and the teacher are not qualified to determine the "correctness" nor the "impact" of her words to a student. Since the school removed the teacher from the classroom, we didn't need to submit that letter (It was only obtained to "back up" our claim that her words were inappropriate.)</p>

<p>The third therapist contacted us -- she is a relative who had heard about the incident and just wanted to give her 2 cents (and offered to write a letter - which we told her wasn't necessary. Son is fine and teacher has been reassigned.).</p>

<p>So, while it may seem like three therapists are providing "intervention" that is an exageration of what really happened. So... there's no need to "shake your head" anymore...</p>

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<p>allmusic: >>>> I have never witnessed such a case because of a negative comment by a teacher.<<<<</p>

<p>We are not people who "sue" and we don't think anyone should sue schools. </p>

<p>But, since there are people who will use "anything" in order to get some bucks off a perceived "deep pocket" it is wise for institutions to avoid things that put them at risk for a lawsuit. </p>

<p>If my kid had been mentally unstable (thank God, he is not) the words could have been deeply damaging -- the point is the teacher did not know whta kind of kid she was talking to so she was taking an unnecessary risk. Another parent with a fragile child might sue and win.</p>

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<p>JLauer: please go back and re-read my post. I clearly said that I thought the teacher had said something idiotic. I also said that my own inclination would be to say "oh that teacher is an idiot" and move on. I think you've invested an absolutely enormous amount of energy in a casual (and idiotic) remark by a teacher--and I question whether it's worth it. Perhaps the hours you've put into finding psychologists, talking to the principal, and posting to CC could have been better spent?</p>

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<p>File a formal written complaint. Then tell you child the teacher is a jerk and totally inappropriate.</p>

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<p>Hey wait a minute. Teacher alert: I got chewed out on this thread for saying that I would resolve the problem of an inappropriate comment from a teacher to my child by laughing it off and calling the teacher "loopy." And these last two posters just referred to teachers as "idiots" and "jerks"? </p>

<p>What goes on here? :)</p>

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<p>I concur with DMD. I really think the amount of time and energy devoted to this specific teacher's specific comment is unprecedented. Perhaps it is time for a new hobby.</p>

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<p>I am with allmusic and dmd...the son seems to have moved on...</p>

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<p>Do children actually take such remarks seriously?
My personal opinion is No, atleast I haven't (if I had, I would have taken up Humanities instead of Engineering). Teens aren't moved by such comments. A teacher could say,"Ur a failure" but that doesn't make u one, nor does being the teacher's pet make you a genius. Also, teachers sometimes say things just cuz they're frustrated...and don't really mean it. Don't teens usually take comments like that through one ear and let it out through the other?</p>

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<p>It really surprises me that anyone could feel that this teacher's comments were no big deal. </p>

<p>As it turned out, the principal of the school felt that this was a pretty big deal. Three separate therapists thought it was a pretty big deal. </p>

<p>It seems from jlauer's description of these events, she did not blow this up out of proportion with her son, but went to the principal with a legitimate concern. </p>

<p>I can't imagine any rational person defending what this teacher said or minimizing its potential for harm. Our kids are not robots without feeling. When an authority figure says something like this teacher did it has impact. Sometimes even when the kid doesn't seem to care, they do internalize the words. </p>

<p>I thought this was pretty common knowledge these days. Parenting 101. I guess not.</p>

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<p>Arjun, I think you're right about most teens. But there are some who would be upset about this kind of comment. And there are probably even more overprotective parents who woud get all wound up over it.</p>

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<p>walkermom: You're right. I originally agreed that the comment was a big deal, and I would have been pretty upset if it were my son, especially since he sounded a lot like jlauer's son, according to her description. But then I went on to say that, unfortunately, I've had to deal with many insensitive comments from teachers over the years, and <em>when possible</em>, I think it's best to blow them off with a joke, such as referring to the teacher as "loopy." Some teachers on the thread got very worked up about a parent possibly calling a teacher "loopy!"</p>

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<p>walkermom, I'm not defending the teacher. But I do think the OP blew this way out of proportion, and trust me, I am all up on Parenting 101.</p>

<p>Personally, I think kids need to develop resilience, and realize that people say stupid, hurtful things all the time, and that learning to deal with them is part of growing up. Although parents want to keep all hurt and pain from their kids, it isn't realistic, nor is it always beneficial developmentally. Obviously, intervention is important in many situations, but three psychologists? Give me a break.</p>