So in the first half of my senior year, my plan was to attend University of Texas. Whenever teachers/classmates asked where I wanted to go, I said UT. However, I got rejected (I should have realized earlier that I had no chance of getting in). I have a safety school that I’m going to attend this fall. The school is up north, over 1,000 miles away from Texas and is not well known at all.
So whenever people ask me where I’m going to attend college, I suddenly get really uncomfortable. I’ve told maybe about 10 people where I’m going and they always have the same responses: they have a blank look on their face, they say “why are you going there, I’ve never heard of that school” or “why aren’t you staying in Texas” or “you could have gotten in to some really good schools”. So now, I either tell people that I have no idea where I’m going. I just want everyone to stop asking me where I’m going, but since they school year is coming to an end, they question is getting asked almost every day.
I’m not one of those people who are obsessed with going to a “prestigious school” (frankly, I would never be accepted to one of those school) and I do like the college/city I’ll be going to. But I guess that I must be subconsciously embarrassed about where I’m going or something like that.
Have you guys (or your kids) experienced this situation?
There’s an entire thread called smile and nod that you might want to read. But short answer…I’m going to xyz because I love xyz program or major or feature or want to see a different part of the country or whatever you want to say. Then smile and walk away. A classy person will say congratulations.
You: I’m going to X College.
Them: Why?
You: Because I want to? -blank stare-
Make 'em uncomfortable.
Time to stop being embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with where you are going so stop acting like there is.
@bodangles haha I like that approach. I have a former teacher who feels the need to ask every detail of my life (Ex: how much my mom makes a year). She deserves a blank stare
“Time to stop being embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with where you are going so stop acting like there is.”
Yes, because simply saying stop will make all of my feeling go away. Great advice, bud.
I think the situation is less of me being embarrassed about where I’m going (I do like the school from what I’ve seen on the website and it fits my needs), but more annoyed with the constant questions about where I’m going.
You can try to equate it to something nearby. Like when I had a kid who went to Dickinson, I would say to people in MN that “it is like St. Olaf, but is in Pennsylvania”. I do think there are a lot of people in Texas who can’t understand why anyone would want to leave Texas – not sure what you can do about that. 
Maybe it will help to be less annoyed if you think about the reason for the question in the first place. They are genuinely interested in what you are doing. Engage in a conversation with them. When you answer tell them that you are going to XYZ college in ABC state. If they ask why you can explain they have a great program in (fill in the blank) and I’m very excited about it. If they want to know why so far from Texas, tell them you’re interested in experiencing another part of the country and you’re excited about it. If they say you could have gotten into some really good schools, say I did and I am so happy to be going there. If you convey your excitement, it can be infectious. They will probably enjoy learning about a college they’ve never heard of. Be friendly, polite and positive. It’s the art of conversation.
People are asking because they are interested in you and your life. They are not asking to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable. Maybe if you think of it that way it will help you respond to the question positively. After all it is a very exciting time of your life.
My daughter just finished her freshman year at an unknown college 1000 miles away from home. This college shares a name with an Ivy. Last year, it became a game, actually a Rorschach test of sort. She would answer and the response was often quite telling of the questioner. Some kids assumed she meant the Ivy even though she said the full name with its location and were stunned (some in a good way, others not so good). She had fun with it. The people who were genuinely interested often had two reactions, “Wow that’s far” and “How did you find the school?” Often people just wanted to know why she chose that school. She would tell them and usually got positive reaction.
Well, nobody can force the answer out of anybody. So, you either answer at your free will or simply ignore, your choice. We did not have any issue with this, we simply were very proud of D’s wise decision to attend at in-state public, which caused no further inquiries as everybody in town knows our in-state publics.
If there is a “why” question, then simply give this reason (if you choose to share any reason at all).
Or you can have some fun with this, mess with their head and come up with a really wild answer…
Just tell them where you are going. If they ask why, tell them you really liked it when you visited it. My daughter kept getting asked why she wasn’t going to the more local school that most kids attend for her major. They were actually curious as to why she made her choice. She told them she loved the school and was excited to live in the city where it’s located. People thought that was nice. Lots of kids change their mind about where to go. You don’t need to tell them you weren’t accepted at your first choice. it’s time for you to get on board with your plan.
Also people love to talk about themselves so turn the conversation back to them. Maybe talk about what you are doing this summer. Then ask them about their summer plans. That way all the attention won’t be on you.
I tell people straight away, “she’s going to blank, it’s a small college in blank.” Then they almost always say congrats, or that’s great, or similar, even if they haven’t heard of it. Most of the time, people don’t know what to say if they haven’t heard of a place and don’t know where it is. With just that simple bit of info, you have saved them the embarrassment of not knowing anything about your college. Try it, it works.
Just think: all over the USA there are students telling people they are going to UT Austin, and people are saying “TEXAS? Why do you want to go THERE?!?”
But seriously, as others have said, people are asking for positive reasons. Try saying “I’m going to X, in Y place, and I’m really looking forward to it.” A thoughtful person might ask, “That’s great! Tell me about X. What drew you to it?” Try to assume good intentions.
My daughter went to a school 2000 miles away from her high school. Lots of ‘why?’ Responses, but every once in a while she’d get a ‘Really? That’s great’ which would lead to a fun conversation. One of her teachers was very supportive and she brought his swag from orientation and a coffee cup.
You have to change your view of the question.
Most outgoing students I see just own the rejection. “I got rejected from UT, heading to a private college in ____.”
If you dance around it peers will probably gossip behind your back about you being rejected. Owning the rejection removes that opportunity.
Just answer factually, and have your “elevator pitch” ready for anyone who asks about it or looks baffled. People ask these kinds of questions to be friendly, not to judge you. (The adult version of this is “what do you do for a living?” which, for anyone who’s not working – even by choice – is hard to answer without sounding defensive.) You’re going to college, you’re off on an adventure to a new place, embrace it!
I am from Boston (no surprise). My older son went to McGill University. At a meeting I was asked where he was attending college.
Me: McGil University
Other person: Where’s that?
Me: Montreal
Other person: Where’s that
Me: Up north
Smile and nod.