<p>Two years ago when we started S's college search, I spent months freaking out that maybe we hadn't investigated enough schools, considered enough options. That maybe there was some little (or big) place out there that was the "perfect" place but we just hadn't found it yet. Friends, family, and fellow CC posters ;) were constantly suggesting "what about X?" College search sites offered hundreds of obscure schools we had never heard of. </p>
<p>I anguished over S's chances of acceptance and merit $. Had a new favorite every week or so for him to contemplate. Visited 16 schools. Mustered S to complete 6 applications. Anguished some more. Yada, yada.</p>
<p>Fast forward to this spring. Now we are beginning D's search and I feel all the old anxieties coming on. Even worse, since she doesn't have much of an idea as to major, and it doesn't look as if her stats will be as good for merit purposes. So I'm looking forward to a spring and summer of glazed eyes from late-night internet ponderings, massive lists of features and opinions regarding dozens of possibilities, and several long trips to tramp through yet more dorm rooms.</p>
<p>I think that it is kind of like buying a computer. Some people wait years to upgrade. Why? If I buy something now, something better will be available in six months so why other.</p>
<p>You just have to draw a line in the sand. I am using the Fiske guide. I put a sticky on those schools that I think S might like. I look to see if his stats are reasonable for acceptance. I then go out to their website and run their NPC to give us a rough idea as to affordability. Might we miss a couple of potential schools? Sure. But you have to draw a line in the sand somewhere. No lost sleep here over potential misses.</p>
<p>You don’t need a perfect choice. You just need several choices that meet your child’s needs.</p>
<p>Does it really matter whether you buy a Nissan or a Toyota? Not much, in my opinion. If one of these brands fits your needs, the other probably does, too. </p>
<p>Similarly, does it really matter whether your kid, who plans to major in a common subject that’s available everywhere, such as biology or economics, goes to Harvard vs. Yale? Or Wash U vs. Northwestern? Or Smith vs. Mount Holyoke? Or Eastern Yourstate College vs. Western Yourstate College? Not much, in my opinion. If one of these schools fits your child’s needs, the other probably does, too.</p>
<p>[Full disclosure: I drive a Toyota. My husband drives a Nissan.]</p>
<p>Our strategy: D took the PSAT as a sophomore and started getting flooded with mail. Ininially I asked her to take several pieces now and then and go to the websites (not based on interest and fit, but just at random) to see what they had to say for themselves. This gave her some frame of reference. Before we started getting all the duplicates I also asked her to open it all and give it a 2 minute quick read before recycling. I took coupons to our local used book store and bought Fiske and a couple other year or 2 old guides at a discount. These were left laying around to refence as she got the mail. It was early and no pressure to pick or decide, just browsing. We also went to a giant local college fair that spring and I sent her out to the scrum with assignments to find different schools on the list from different parts of the country and talk to the rep. I also asked her to pay attention to who else was gathered around the table. She got some sense of varying style from that and identified a few schools of interest and a few schools and types of schools that she wanted to avoid. I purposefully chose some schools that I knew would not be a fit (Reed, Drexel, Embry-Riddle), so she could feel the vibe and ‘get’ the difference. Still just browsing. We did several ‘just looking’ visits over the summer on our way to and from places.</p>
<p>When it came time to really start to make a preliminary list she used geography as her first sorting category on the college board site. There were just some states and regions that she was not interested in looking. After that she was able to open a guide to a state she might be willing to go to and start looking at the schools. Her 2 top final choces are in the midwest. People keep asking if we have family there. No, she just had identified Minnesota and Iowa as states that she would be willing to go. She looked at the mailings, compared to the guides, crosschecked with College ******* and started to get a better feel for what she might like. At this point I introduced the financial aid concept.</p>
<p>I decided that we should do a distance visit trip over midwinter break Junior year because fall senior year is too late and her sport lays through spring break. She chose where to go and what schools to see. As far as she was concerned, her list was done at this point. It was mom that made her add on several more safeties (admission and FA) to round out her short list. I have often wished that she had applied to a few more, but there aren’t many more that I could actually picture her attending, really. I would have added Whitman and maybe Bowdoin or Macalester, but she wouldn’t hear of it. I also would have/should have added the University of Washington for a backup live at home financial option. If I had it to do again that is probably the one change that I would make is insisting that she apply there in case tuition was all we could afford just to have that ‘bird in hand’.</p>
<p>I view it as being like buying a house. You’re unlikely to find the dream house (if you do, be prepared for the awakening), but it has to meet certain basic criteria. Some additional features may be bonuses, others, minuses. You choose the best from the available options.</p>
<p>I kind of went through the process with my kids. Like the OP, child one (college junior)had more direction on her own and superior stats. Child two (high school senior)doesn’t have lots of direction, but is thinking maybe engineering or business. With both kids, I let them come up with lists and both applied to eight schools. I asked child one to apply to one school because of merit money options. I asked child two to apply to two schools, one an in-state financial safety and another that I thought might be a good fit.</p>
<p>Child one is at the school I asked her to apply to. Child two’s current top choice is one of the ones I asked him to apply to. He did not get happy news from a couple of the ones he liked the best. </p>
<p>For us, after the list was made for applications, there came a time when both kids just got tired of the process. We prioritized the list so that the last applications were the schools they were least interested in. It worked.</p>
<p>Fast forward to this spring. Now we are beginning D’s search and I feel all the old anxieties coming on. Even worse, since she doesn’t have much of an idea as to major, and it doesn’t look as if her stats will be as good for merit purposes. So I’m looking forward to a spring and summer of glazed eyes from late-night internet ponderings, massive lists of features and opinions regarding dozens of possibilities, and several long trips to tramp through yet more dorm rooms.</p>
<p>Ugh…it never ends! Once you’re done getting younger child(ren) in, then the older ones are graduating and looking at Grad/Med/Law schools…</p>
<p>What are your D’s stats? you may not think that they’re merit-quality, but there are all kinds of schools out there that give merit to some with rather average stats (remember the San Diego mom’s posts?) </p>
<p>And, since it’s only early spring of her junior year, there’s time for her to bump her scores a bit. Will she take both the SAT and ACT? She may find that she does better on one than the other. </p>
<p>Since your D doesn’t have a set major/career direction like your son does, it actually may be easier. Does she want private? Catholic? secular? public? </p>
<p>What is your budget that you want to stay within for payment each year?</p>
<p>I feel your pain in some ways, but I’m one year ahead of you. I did help my D search through her schools (now 4 years ago … she’s a Jr in college now) and just recently helped my senior HS son find his ‘ideal’ or ‘dream’ school. He’s accepted and we’re done. They were both very different, but in the end, they all find a school that feels right and makes sense for them.</p>
<p>What’s interesting is that neither of my kids found their dream school until they waded through many other colleges, both in terms of brochures and visits. Both of them found their school towards the end of the process, because they had already seen everything else, so when they visited the college they eventually chose, it hit them like a brick that it was the right one for them. Yes, there were many others that met all the criteria for location, size, major, cost and vibe, but in the end, one stood out more than all the others. Once they decided (and were accepted) it was a huge amount of relief.</p>
<p>I would suggest that you not focus on the outcome at this point, but more the process. I remember so many fond dinners and hotels out of town or walking down a strange sidewalk, but having a great conversation with my S or D. The memories of finding just the right breakfast diner in downtown Boston or just the right pizza joint in Maine are wonderful. The conversation along the way (not about college!) are priceless. Relax, and enjoy the ride.</p>
<p>If you have a naviance, that might be a place to start. Last year, D2 had a small list. Just recently she built her list to be a long list in the category of colleges I’m thinking off. Slowly I think this list will be narrrowed down to a manageable number.</p>
<p>First of all, I’d dump the anxiety. You know how the process works (and that it <em>does</em> work). It’ll be a fun year with your daughter and in the end she’ll have settled into a very good option for her.</p>
<p>We’ll be started on #3 next fall (current hs junior), and he is particularly without focus. (#1 was looking to play a sport in college; #2 had a specific major in mind.) The only thing I do during the early stages is enter absolutely every school that crosses my path (through CC, prior knowledge, kids of friends going there, . . .) and that might be even a remote possibility on a spreadsheet, mostly so I don’t have to re-look up stats on the schools. Did this for the older two and ended up with a <em>lot</em> on the Grand List. As senior year gets closer, I move some of them onto another sheet in the workbook that I think are more realistic options for applications. Having the Grand List allows for some direct comparisons (“well, looking at School A and School B, seems like School B is more realistic”) or other filters (“maybe a plane ride away is unnecessarily far”). Then Kid picks his own out of the “possible application” list, and we start to think about visits and such. At this point I don’t worry about narrowing down the list. (Just went and counted and #3 has 43 on there currently!) That will likely come down to 10 or so to seriously consider. </p>
<p>As I’ve said often on various threads, I’ve never seen this as a stressful time. I think it’s really fun and exciting.</p>
<p>I believe there is more than 1 right school for every single student. Match is important , but I don’t think that choosing a college is like choosing a life partner.
I’m not convinced that you will even know if you have chosen the right school while you are attending it. Many do not find out until many years later that maybe they should’ve chosen a different school.
If there was a way to choose a perfect fit school, they would have sites similar to match.com , the dating site, for colleges.
I think that the best you can hope for is to find a college that feels right , has programs you can get excited about, and you can afford. </p>
<p>I’m on my third time now and yes, I know that feeling in the beginning where the country is so large, the kid doesn’t have any real ideas rolling around about the big/small or urban/rural, geograhpy etc…but it does gel as junior year flows by. And yes, there is more than 1 right school for every single student! Isn’t that why they apply to four or five or six? Son 3 has his list now at the end of junior year and we’re going out to do the far away look/sees in a few weeks. List is ten and I’m assuming several will fall off before fall and the application season, hoping we don’t exceed six applications. The anxiety goes away after the first one and with this one it will be poignant I think.</p>
<p>This is us too. Oldest is a sophomore at the first college he applied to and the one he loved from the start. I enjoyed visiting all we stopped at (and I made him apply to two more which he never really considered in his heart). His stats were above average, but not incredibly high.</p>
<p>Middle is a senior this year and likely to head to the last college he applied to (literally, last minute for merit aid). He loves the school and has a great financial package (both merit and need-based). We went through visits and applications to 5 others - each with their merits - and I’ve enjoyed the whole thing. He is a high stat kid, so it’s been very interesting seeing the different ways colleges react, but that’s a side topic.</p>
<p>Youngest is a sophomore in high school and just starting his search. NONE of their schools are likely to overlap as their majors and “fits” are all different. I’m just gearing up now to get introduced to the college world regarding tropical botany - and looking forward to more visits. This guy may be lowest with the stats (time will tell) as his talent is in a totally different category, but there will still be right places (and he may surprise me with stats).</p>
<p>It doesn’t have to be stressful. It can be fun. I’ve gotten to really enjoy seeing the differences in colleges. It’d be fun to do visits for a living. I may have to rent some juniors after mine move on.</p>
<p>I think the more limitations a family has around money, the student’s stats, health issues, performing arts or other special circumstances the more stressful the process is. There is less margin for error.</p>
<p>I think the more limitations a family has around money, the student’s stats, health issues, performing arts or other special circumstances the more stressful the process is. There is less margin for error.</p>
<p>Absolutely true.</p>
<p>The family with a high stats kid can always find a few financial safeties to quickly have in the “back pocket” while waiting for other offers to come in. Being able to do that relieves a whole bunch of anxiety.</p>
<p>however, the family with the “good but not high stats” kid who have financial concerns (either low EFC or unaffordable high EFC) will have far fewer options since he/she won’t qualify for big merit and won’t likely get accepted to the schools that give the best need-based aid. Those student often end up commuting to a local public.</p>
<p>This will be us with youngest son, but I still don’t see the need to stress over it and I still plan to enjoy the hunt. I suspect whether or not one stresses is far more related to personality type than finances. There’s very little that’s worth getting stressed out over to me (esp since stress, IME, has never helped a situation). We’ll look carefully, apply carefully, and see what happens. Que sera, sera. </p>
<p>I see oodles of threads on here from people getting stressed over rejections, waitlists, applications, rankings, finances, etc. That just isn’t us. There is another option. Enjoy the ride and see where one ends up knowing there are oodles of good options - not just one. Even working for a year and trying again is an option if nothing works out for one specific year. The “problem” comes when one writes a script in their mind of how things should happen without the understanding that the rest of the world doesn’t read (or care about) the script. If one path closes, choose another - and enjoy it. It sure beats stressing and wasting days mourning the loss of a script.</p>
<p>Just my two cents. YMMV Some may thrive on stress. We prepare, try, and go with the flow while enjoying the ride.</p>