<p>I’m not sure I agree. If your kid has never given you reason to doubt his/her judgment, then I think you can safely assume that even though there will be some wing-spreading in college, the overall common sense that was exhibited in HS is going to continue. And if your kid has a history of impulsive, bad decision-making, and an inability to defer gratification (aka partying) in favor of school work, then you have a much bigger problem than tracking his I-phone.</p>
<p>I do know parents like the OP in real life… and to be honest, they are the parents who get asked questions by friends like, “Are you sure you don’t want him at a college a little closer to home?” or where the guidance counselor says, “Maybe a GAP year would be a great idea” or where even the other spouse expresses reservations about the kids readiness for college. The parent appears to be in deep denial- kid is great, college is a great fit, kid will do fine managing the distance and the academic pressures and living alone… until the parent starts doing bizarre things like stalking and skulking and micro-managing.</p>
<p>So the parent wakes up (or has been aware all along) that little junior needed a LOT of prodding and help and executive functioning management and time management from mom and dad during HS, or that little junior is happy to start the weekend on Wednesday nights, or little junior pre-games at breakfast occasionally. Thus- the spying.</p>
<p>OP- your s is gone for now. Why not wait to hear from him how things are going? And don’t you think he’s smart enough to start leaving his phone in his dorm once he realizes what’s going on???</p>
<p>lol…my kids just tell me how they’ve done on tests and whatever. I don’t ask, they volunteer it…they always have. I rarely know when a test was/is coming up. After the test, they will/would either text or call to talk about it…probably some kind of stress relief. If they call and are upset that they didn’t think they did well, my comment is usually, “well, it is what it is… you tried your best.” Maybe because they do try their best, they know that if the “fall short” I am cool with that. I have no right to ask for more than that.</p>
<p>That said, there are some schools that are now posting “mid semester grades” for 1XX classes so that frosh (and their parents) have a heads up that grades may not be what they should be. I can remember a few years ago, a mom PMing me when her son’s fall frosh mid-semester grades were low (Cs, Ds. and Fs.). Once confronted, he got his act together and got a 3.0 for the semester. </p>
<p>No, the phone never left the apartment for 18 hours. Mom doesn’t know if daughter left or not.
If I had known my mother did this, I would have left it behind on purpose, switching phones with bf for the day. </p>
<p>Or stay over for 18 hours to spite the spy parent. </p>
<p>Besides the fact that tracking your kids every move is wrong, it wouldn’t work with my kid anyway because half the time he forgets to bring his cell phone with him…</p>
<p>Doesn’t look like OP has responded in awhile. I did actually read on another thread last week in a post by him (?) that he was tracking via the iPhone app - so perhaps proof that he is actually doing it. </p>
<p>A workmate went to visit her D at Ohio State this past weekend. Saturday night she (the mom) stayed in her daughter’s dorm room (I know, BAD idea!!!) - D ended up leaving later in the evening to go to some parties with her friends - with mom’s blessing. However her mom told me that while waiting in that dorm room, hearing other ruckus in the hallways, seeing the partying going on in the neighborhood during the DAY, etc. that she was up and couldn’t sleep a wink knowing her daughter was out in that mayhem. The curse of being in the know! She said, “I don’t worry at all about her when I’m home - but being right there and KNOWING where she was at was painful!!!”</p>
<p>I have to confess I really like this idea of being able to locate adult children through their phones if there was an emergency. But tracking them 24/7 would cause me too much stress. These days I just tell myself even if something catastrophic were to happen, they could probably handle it more efficiently without me involved. I think about that scene in WW Z where Brad Pitt is making his way very quietly and safely through the sort of zombies disturbed by noise, when his wife calls the satellite phone to check in on him. If my kids need my help, they call and ask. Otherwise I try my best just to let them be. It is difficult, a process. I’m not always successful. </p>
<p>We were very clear. We had a minimum grade per course we were willing to pay, we had a minimum GPA we were willing to support. If the student didn’t maintain those criteria, they had to be prepared to come home, and either work or commute to a local college.</p>
<p>Bottom line is…the OP cannot see their kid’s college attendance. And they can’t see their grades either…until the report comes home at the end of the term.</p>
<p>There is an iPhone application that tracks where a student is (this is NOT,the find iPhone…but an actual application). The parent can sign up, and ask the kid to do so as well. Then the parent can see where the kid is every minute of the day. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t dream of doing this with my kids!</p>
<p>You cannot know if your kid is cutting college classes without taking some draconian measures. You never know what anyone is doing when not right in your sight, for that matter. I used to cut classes all of the time in high school my senior year, and my parents had no clue. Knew how to do it so it did not get reported. Most high schools have loopholes on being able to track every kid every class, you know. When it comes to college, there is no tracking system in place. Most college students are adults and are expected to meet their responsibilities. If you want to stick a tracker of sort for your kid or hire a private detective to know whether he is going to every single class, that’s on you.</p>
<p>Frankly, I think that parents paying for college have the right to see the grades. I let my kids do as they pleased, until I was notified of any issues and I also wanted to see the grades for each completed term before paying for the subsequent one. </p>
<p>“if you can’t trust your own children, then you’re (a) a bad parent and raised them wrong and (b) are a stalker.”</p>
<p>You’re a high schooler, right? Just wait til you reach adulthood. Plenty of parents do all the right things, and sometimes there are bad seeds or kids who have their own minds about things. Doesn’t make the parents “bad.” You['ll learn one day.</p>
<p>Wow. I thought I was a little nutty because if I look at Facebook and see that one of my kids has posted at 3 am, I ask him why he was up so late.</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure my kids are going to class because they’re passing their courses, and that’d be a little tougher if they were routinely skipping school. As well, when they DO skip a class, they’ll usually tell me, “Dad, I had to take care of thus and such, and the only time I could do it was on Thursday at 11, which meant I missed class. Hated to do it.” And I say, “I understand. Taking care of thus and such was important. Try not to make a habit of it, though.”</p>
<p>The only thing they try to cover up is how often they pull all-nighters to get their work done.</p>
<p>I confess. Our family uses tracking apps, but not with our son in college. My husband and I find it helpful knowing when people are on the way home from work, etc. And it actually cuts down on the “where are you?” texts I send to my younger son, so he doesn’t mind. I am not worried he is up to no good, just forget sometimes he is at a drum lesson. </p>
<p>With that said, my son in college is midway through his junior year and I still have not seen his grades. It’s not that he won’t show me, I just forget to ask. They have been good enough for the good student discount on our auto insurance. That is good enough for me.</p>
<p>I did not even look at my kids’ daily grades in HS (available on line). I looked at report cards only.
When D was in college she voluntarily told us her grades. I expect S will do the same.</p>
<p>Ugh - @FallGirl – I don’t either. I seriously avoid it! It makes me as anxious to look at the HS grades as if they were my own. I do look at midquarter and quarter grades when we get an email about it.</p>
<p>I’ve told my D that it’s important to attend all of her classes (although honestly, based on my own college experience, I don’t think that’s entirely accurate), and I occasionally - meaning about once a semester - ask her if she’s going to all her classes and if they’re going well. And then I believe what she’s told me, because she hasn’t given me any reason not to believe her. Beyond that, I don’t worry about it.</p>
<p>Count me in @FallGirl and @LBowie. While many parents check their child’s grades on the online system, I find it way too stressful. I even set the alerts to D’s and DH’s email addresses. They can have the mini-heart attacks. On the most recent interim report, D preempted the mini-heart attack by telling me beforehand why she had a poor grade and how she handled it (she was absent during a quiz which is an automatic 0; took the quiz and the poor grade was gone by the time interims came out). </p>