<p>This thread makes me glad I was a kid 20 years ago. </p>
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Anybody’s read <em>FEED</em> by Anderson? if not - good recommendation for teens and adults. :)</p>
<p>I used to check grades online occasionally in HS … more at the beginning of 9th grade, hardly ever by the time DS graduated. Relied on the grade alert system to notify me if there was an unusually low grade entered so I could inquire what was up with that. With DD now in 10th grade, I never check (and also never get grade alerts either…) – but she’s a very different kid than DS was – much more organized, plans ahead, much more consistent about staying on top of things, never “wings it” the way DS would occasionally (that part of DS’s personality drove/still drives me crazy … good for him, I guess, but I am very type-A and <em>never</em> feel comfortable winging anything…). </p>
<p>I say that to establish myself as being fairly aware of what my kids were/are doing in school during HS, as background to my answer that I have no real idea how DS is doing in his classes this first semester at college. I hope he’s going to classes … he talks about getting up early to make his 8 AM’s, having breakfast in the room before he goes, occasionally waking up later than expected and panicking to get to class on time, etc… Even though he’s given me access to the grading system, I do not use it. When we talk, we ask generally how things are going/what classes is he enjoying/etc., but I have purposefully <em>not</em> asked about grades. He’s offered a few on various tests, etc., on his own, and they sound reasonable – a mixed bag, but that’s to be expected this first semester. While he’s never come out and said it, his manner with us makes it seem very much like he’s working very hard to establish his ability to live independently. He calls once a week because that’s the agreed-upon frequency; he’ll text or email in between calls if there is something specific he needs, but that is very rare. When we visited him a couple of weeks ago, he mentioned he needed to get a better umbrella. I said, “Maybe we can pick one up while we’re out shopping tomorrow.” His response was, “That’s okay, I’ll take care of it.” That caught me off guard – and made me realize that just because we <em>can</em> and are willing to do something for him, at this point perhaps we need to stifle that reflex a bit. So at this point, us inquiring about class attendance and pushing about grades would likely push him away and might actually be counter-productive. He knows what he’s supposed to do; it’s up to him to make himself do it and/or suffer the consequences and adjust if he doesn’t. It’s hard to watch and scary, but I think at this point it is the way he needs to learn – us telling him isn’t going to do him any more good. </p>
<p>At my D’s school she says students don’t talk about their grades, so we’ve taken our cue from her and don’t ask about them. This is a huge change from high school when she would text me during the day to let me know what she received on her tests. And I figure she’s going to classes, because there’s no reason she would have changed so drastically from high school. </p>
<p>Anyway, her school has a high 4-year graduation rate and we figure the students who don’t graduate do so for reasons other than grades. I read a joke yesterday that the only thing harder than getting into Stanford is flunking out of Stanford. I think a lot of colleges really do their best in making sure you achieve success at their school.</p>
<p>Never asked but hoped our kids were able to attend classes as much as possible and believe they did. They understood that college was a huge investment for us and them and didn’t disappoint us. They both graduated with their respective degrees. I admit they gave me permission to check their grades and progress toward graduation, which I used perhaps twice or three times during their college careers, to draw their attention toward making sure they met with their counselor so they could graduate in a timely manner and also to make up an incomplete on S’s report card.</p>
<p>Online grade reporting has a downside … if you are a teacher. One of my high school teaching friends told me that she had one parent who literally sat on the grade book all the time. As soon as my friend posted test grades, she got an immediate e-mail from the mom who wanted to know why her son did not do better on the test. This was an everyday thing. The mom wanted her son to attend a particular prestigious college and he needed at least a B in the class. Well, it was up to him to earn it, not my friend to give out free grades.</p>
<p>BTW, the young man is now in college. Not at the one his mom wanted him to attend. She does not see him too often … and she cannot monitor his grades.</p>
<p>I would check my younger son’s grades once in a while when he was in high school, but truthfully, he would come and tell me what he got on what test or project. Now in college, he has not missed a class except once – when his cross country team was scheduled to leave early for an out of state meet. But he e-mailed the professor and turned in his homework.</p>
<p>As for my older son, he spent more time out of class his final two years of undergrad than in class. A lot of professors did not have attendance policies, so he did not go. Sometimes he had learned the material in a previous class, so why show up? It was tough to argue with him, as his GPA was better than a 4.0. Now he is in law school, and the only classes he missed, he was legitimately sick. In fact, the doctor even offered to give him a note.</p>
<p>I skipped classes in college, therefore I guess my kids skip classes in college.</p>
<p>I will not be stalking my child. I have been observing her school habits for 12 years now, and I know that she might need a mental health day once a semester, but that she would rather be in class than miss a day and have to make up work. </p>
<p>I’ve not gone to lectures plenty of times. My parents don’t usually worry about that though. They expect me to stay on top of things and do well academically, and if I can do that with skipping classes, then it’s fine. I usually tell them myself if I’m not going to a class, and I tell them why (feeling ill, more productive to study alone, rubbish lecturer, etc.).</p>
<p>In general, if my parents are ever concerned about anything I’m doing (or not doing), they just ask me about it. I’m always honest with them.</p>
<p>Don’t monitor if my freshman D is skipping classes but doubt very much if she is. She had her first college midterm on Monday in Biology (she is a future Literature major). She has always been a great student and always studied in high school without prompting. She studied hard for this test over the weekend, despite her dad and I being there for Parent’s Weekend. She pulled her first all nighter Sunday night studying and was very worried the next day, which is just her personality. I told her to just do her best and since it was her first ever college midterm, whatever grade she got would be fine. She called on Tuesday to tell me she got an A!! I did not have to prompt her to call. She just wanted to call and share the news.</p>
<p>On the issue of skipping classes, I actually suggested she skip a class to sleep after the all nighter. She refused saying that she would never want to skip class. Don’t know if this will change over the years, but with her I seriously doubt it.</p>
<p>Guess you have to know your kid.</p>