<p>Don't know where to turn. Single parent. Oldest was self-reliant and it may have spoiled me with how to really parent. Youngest is 14 and dislikes reading, "hates" everything about academics. Loves playing sports, socializing, girls, spending the night with friends. First semester of high school he had a 3.0. No honors classes, and that's including a gym class.</p>
<p>I'm sad to say he is the spitting image of his father with regard to demeanor and his disposition in the classroom -- his dad barely graduated hs. I hound him to turn in all of his homework assignments, so those grades are always fine. Test scores expose the lack of studying and focus. If I let him study in his room he's on his iPhone the entire time. If I take away the iPhone I'll go upstairs and find him shooting Nerf baskets.</p>
<p>When I force him to buckle down he will ace his exams -- so he's not incapable. It feels like a full time job baby sitting him constantly. What other tactics are there to make him...care?</p>
<p>I don't want to go down this route, but should I ask doctor about ADD?</p>
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Loves playing sports, socializing, girls, spending time with friends.
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<p>that’s his currency. You set the minimum expectations (a 3.0 GPA??) and when that’s maintained then she gets what he wants…playing sports, socializing, etc. </p>
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If I let him study in his room he’s on his iPhone the entire time. If I take away the iPhone I’ll go upstairs and find him shooting Nerf baskets.
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<p>Phone should only be had when he’s leaving for school or activities that he’s earned. </p>
<p>What does he do for money? </p>
<p>Again, he can shoot nerf baskets forever, but if he wants to leave his room to be with girls, sports, etc, then a minimum GPA should be req’d.</p>
<p>He’s not dating is he?</p>
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I’m sad to say he is the spitting image of his father with regard to demeanor and his disposition in the classroom, and his dad barely graduated
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<p>Sounds like he has a poor male role model. What other male does he like that can be a better one? </p>
<p>Have you considered he has problems focusing? Maybe ADHD? You mentioned that, so definitely look into it.</p>
<p>Anyway, clearly he get distracted when studying. When he is in his room there are distractions. You need to have him do homework in a non-distracting environment. Also have him start at the same time every day. Google “getting ADD kids to do homework” and you will get many ideas.</p>
<p>He also has stated he doesn’t think he is as smart as his older brother. Failing to grasp the effort that his older brother puts into studying for the grades that he received. I try to get them to help each other but every time it turns into an immature bicker fest.</p>
<p>Been down this road. You cannot “make” a kid care about school. You can try various carrot and stick approaches, and/or you can make your son and yourself miserable with nagging. He is who he is and your son is not going to turn into a homework machine. If he is distressed with inability to focus, you may want to have that evaluated as a possible attention deficit. But if he’s a good kid and happy and you have a good relationship, I would back off. A 3.0 is only a terrible gpa here on this forum. </p>
<p>I rather agree with SnowDog that you cannot make him care. You may be able to make him do it, but that is different. </p>
<p>I have been known to just actually say to my kid “Look I am not happy about how you are performing in (math). We can go the carrot route or we can go the stick route or BOTH. Which do you prefer?” (then give the evil eye). If no substantive change is seen, then you may eliminate the carrot. </p>
<p>Do you have ability to do online tracking of his hw and test scores? It seems most schools have that now. You could tie it to that. </p>
<p>That said, I do think sometimes taking them somewhere where they can see how cool college is can motivate some kids. They see that it there is a goal. Given his older brother, that may not work with your kid. I found it pretty motivating when my folks used to tell me, you turn 18 you are on your own, not living with us. (now I realize that probably was quite an exaggeration). Are there role models around that you can use to compare/contrast other than his brother…look at kid x living at home and 20 and working at burger king/look at girl Y starting new internship from college in cool city which do you want? Are you going about getting there logically? </p>
<p>Therapy for you? He is not your older son and he is not his father. You cannot expect him to be as diligent as the brother, and if he reminds you strongly of your ex you may be relating to him in negative ways. That’s for starters.</p>
<p>Do his teachers think he is capable of getting much higher grades? My older daughter was a straight B student due to mild learning disabilities. She now teaches math and loves her job. Can’t read or spell to save her life, but give her a calculus problem and she is thrilled to take on the challenge.</p>
<p>Have him evaluated academically. Maybe have a therapist speak with him about his reasons for lack of motivation or stick-to-it. </p>
<p>KKmama actually has a great point about how you relate to him when he is “just like his dad…” That is a really hard thing for us divorced parents. </p>
<p>“A 3.0 is only a terrible gpa here on this forum.”</p>
<p>With all due respect, I strongly disagree with you there. A non-honors track 3.0 GPA as a freshman =>> slips to a 2-5-3.0 GPA by graduation =>> community-college bound. Perhaps a wealthy family can overcome that and still backdoor their child into a decent school, and still have employment prospects. For me that’s a no scholarship, no chance at getting into anything better than a commuter college @ full price. Getting to college without study skills required to succeed. What kind of job is realistic for the kids who take six years to graduate, if ever? Education is not something to be laissez-faire about. I just don’t know what to do.</p>
<p>“He is who he is and your son is not going to turn into a homework machine.”</p>
<p>So children are born this way? You don’t think skills develop? Or are you suggesting that since they haven’t developed by 14 or 15, the child “is who he is” and you should stop trying? That seems a bit unsettling.</p>
<p>To be clear, the disposition is spitting image of his father. I am absolutely <em>not</em> projecting or displacing these things onto him. His grandparents said their biggest regret is not stressing the importance of education on their son, his father. He was a very crappy high school student and it did not turn out well for him.</p>
<p>When asked: “sports agent”. I have no problem if he actually kept that goal, but obviously what you want to be when you’re 14 isn’t usually what you end up being. But at least he wants to be something that a four-year degree (+ law school) is required. All I’m concerned with is getting him into a decent college where that’s an option, as is anything else that interests him as he matures.</p>
<p>Literally the ONLY thing he gets excited for is hanging out with friends/girlfriend. It’s extremely frustrating.</p>
<p>I wrestle with this exact same thing. I must say, however, this article made quite an impression on me. I can’t say I have implemented it all myself for my 15 yr old son, but I am trying.</p>
<p>Have him research what he needs to do to become a sports agent. What schools offer that degree, what he needs to get into those schools, including aid. Given his current grades, then have him calculate/map out what he needs to do in the next 3 years. The important thing is for them to focus not on the humdrum of h.s. but on the future…grades/test scores are the currency students use to make their futures happen. </p>
<p>Is the girlfriend a good student? Are his other friends?</p>
<p>WasatchWriter and KKmama are on the same page as me: please consider that your son may have a reading/learning disability. Do not have him evaluated for ADD/ADHD until AFTER ruling this out! The symptoms are similar but solutions are vastly different. </p>
<p>Ask your school to have him evaluated for learning disabilities and/or processing disorders that may be impacting his performance. </p>
<p>Every kid who is not interested in school does not have (edited to correct!) to be evaluated for ADHD. My son doesn’t like school and I have to nag him to do his homework, but he has no problem doing it. The issue is getting the kids who don’t have that degree of self motivation we would like to see to do their work independently, and hopefully, to find some satisfaction from doing so.</p>
<p>He read two 150 page books over Christmas break (I demanded). I don’t think he has a disability. He might be a slow reader, if only due to his disinterest in reading for leisure. From what I’ve read, if your child is a slow reader, it becomes very difficult to consume the material, especially as more is expected at higher grade levels. I didn’t encounter this with my oldest, because he started reading for leisure in primary school.</p>