<p>As your other thread was closed I will add this here RE both boys. I agree that more often than not some prestigious, highly selective east coast schools are a better route to some professions than Western Kentucky State (your example). I also understand that there are some places and some life circumstances where this transition from HS to college is the biggest, best chance to “get out” and not get side tracked by low skill jobs, teen pregnancy, or a general culture of smaller dreams. I understand your desire to get your boys "launched’ into better circumstances. </p>
<p>My point has been that generally speaking you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Be on their team. I don’t mean to coddle or make excuses but to let them know in a real way that you believe in them and their abilities. It is possible to demand a lot if they know that you believe in them and are really rooting for them. Many of your posts have the tone that you feel that they ARE really made of lesser stuff. You say that you don’t transmit that to them at home, but that seems hard to fully believe. Try changing your internal dialogue and see if that helps. </p>
<p>When our older kid was getting a bit balky during fall of senior year and suddenly acting like a regular teen I told her this: “I understand that you want to be independent and that’s perfectly normal for a teen. However, your best chance of that is to see this college app thing through so that you have the acceptances and scholarship resources to go off and be independent. I want nothing more than for you to go away and fulfill your dreams, so listen to me just a little bit now so you don’t end up living in your room and attending local CC next year.”</p>
<p>She seemed to respond to that idea that I wanted her to have the chances to go off and do her thing. It was just a slight reframing from what you are doing now.</p>
<p>Again, the timeline with your older son is short RE getting ahold of his grades to the point that they are good enough to skate safely through to the end of the year. Even if it’s hard to step back and shift the conversation I encourage you to try. “You’re ruining your life!” historically is not the best way to reach a teen. It seems to just push them away more.</p>