<p>I will soon be meeting my freshman daughter's new college friends (parent's weekend). Up until now, all her friends have known me since they were kids and call us Mr. and Mrs. XXXX. When I meet these adult friends should I have them call me and my husband by our first names?</p>
<p>We successfully I think transitioned to first names for our college age son’s NEW friends.
It just seemed natural to us with these young adults. He found all his friends parents adopted this as well.</p>
<p>Now, Andrew, Sean, Christopher, Billy who we watched grow up and mentored in cub scouts, little league, etc, these guys still call us Mr. and Mrs. XXXX. WE would be OK with switching but they seem to want to keep the old status quo.</p>
<p>Mrs. _____ but I would be fine being called by my first name.</p>
<p>musicmom, it’s the same with us. Whenever S is home and his HS friends are over, I keep telling them to call me by my first name, but when they say goodbye it’s always “Thanks for having us, Mrs. X.” It’s sort of sweet; it reminds me of them when they were little. I think that as the years go by they’ll eventually make the switch - that’s what happened for me and the parents of my friends.</p>
<p>With his college friends, I’ve always introduced myself by my first name.</p>
<p>This is always so awkward. I envy Southerners their traditional option of calling someone “Mizz [insert first name here]”</p>
<p>wow, I’m 47 and maybe times have changes, but in college I didn’t even consider to call my college friends’ parents by their first names…and would have felt awkward doing so even if that’s what they preferred.</p>
<p>It’s juts a sign of respect…</p>
<p>There was a thread on this not too long ago. I wouldn’t even know how to dig it up (I’m bad with searching here on CC). </p>
<p>Do whatever it is that feels comfortable to you, the parent. For my parents, the first name has always been their preference. They don’t like being called Mr. X or Mrs. X so I always introduce them as Y and Z. There are so many blended/hyphenated/ or even kept last names, intermarriages, etc that I never assume that someone is Mr. or Mrs. X based on a their child’s last name. That’s why I always go by what they or their child introduce themselves as. Many of my friends come from sports teams growing up and my dad often coaches. Even after 10+ years of not being on a team with him, they often still refer to him as Coach or Coach Y. I also have some friends that will call my parents Mommy Z and Daddy Y- depending on how close we are. I meet very few people who prefer to be called Mr. and Mrs. X. I can’t really remember any parents while I was in high school either that preferred their titles either. </p>
<p>geeps, in your opinion it’s a sign of respect. Not everyone feels that way. That’s why I think you go with what they introduce themselves as.</p>
<p>ETA here is a link to an older thread. I thought there was one more recent. <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1210211-what-do-your-young-adult-childrens-friends-call-you.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1210211-what-do-your-young-adult-childrens-friends-call-you.html</a></p>
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<p>OK…what if they introduce themselves by stating their first and last name?</p>
<p>…and I would say Mr or Mrs as a sign of respect is not just my opinion…it IS a sign of respect…maybe something that the younger generation is lacking.</p>
<p>geeps, my parents’ friends all prefer that I call them by their first names. Have since I was little, often with an Aunt/Uncle attached that dropped off around high school. To me, it is FAR more respectful to call a person what he/she prefers than what YOU prefer. One of the most disrespectful things a person can do, IMO, is make someone uncomfortable and calling a person something more formal than he/she prefers can be uncomfortable. </p>
<p>Honestly, if someone introduces themselves with their first and last name, I would avoid calling them anything ask their child afterwards what they prefer.</p>
<p>^I do agree if the parents want to be called by their first name, then sure. I was talking more about meeting someone for the first time or if the parents left it up to the kid what to call them. In those cases, a Mr or Mrs is more respectful. </p>
<p>BUT…the more I think about it…I would never introduce myself as Mr…I would just say I’m (my son’s name) dad. I would say the default would be to call them by Mr or Mrs unless the parent states otherwise…would you agree with that?</p>
<p>Mostly, they just smile and say hello, thus avoiding any awkward name moments. And they do call me kid’sname’s mom.</p>
<p>One reason I brought this up is that I remember on my first job out of college my mother came to visit me. I introduced her just as “my mom”. A co-worker scolded me later saying I should have introduced her as “this is my mother - first name, last name”. I think I will introduce myself to my daughter’s friends just as first name.</p>
<p>Geep, again, I never ever assume what someone’s last name is. Too many blended families. My sister has my dad’s last name but her mom and my dad were married for only a short period of time and her mom never took my dad’s last name. Her mom remarried not too long after and she took her husband’s last name- so something different than my sister. They would introduce themselves as my sister’s mom and dad (with first names) and I know he’s been called Mr. (sister’s last name) many times and it’s awkward. Nothing like being called your wife’s ex’s name. These stories are extremely common. Therefore, I couldn’t even call them Mr or Mrs if they said X’s dad. I would avoid calling them anything and then ask their child later.</p>
<p>I tell them “That’s Dr. Sylvan to you” :)</p>
<p>My kids’ college friends all call me by my first name. They are adults. If we worked in the same office, they would call me by my first name.</p>
<p>I’m not too particular, mainly because we have friends from all over the nation and all over the world, but the general expectation here is:</p>
<p>Ms. ____ & Mr. _______</p>
<p>I believe that all my kids friends address us that way.</p>
<p>I’m 40+, and I still address people from the previous generation that I’ve known all my life with titles attached. New older friends are sometimes called by their first names.</p>
<p>I was the one who started a similar thread several months ago, and the general consensus was even if you introduce yourself to the college age kid by your first name, many will still refer to you as Mrs. XXX. Likewise, many parents remembered not being comfortable calling their friends’ parents by first names until they were much older, like in their 40s, if even then.</p>
<p>I’ve decided that I will introduce myself by my first name, and let it go. Whatever they call me after that is fine by me. ( I know this leaves me wide open, so no funny comments, haha)</p>
<p>I know times have changed. I could never have called my friends’ parents by their first name, even if they introduced themselves to me that way. However, some of today’s kids were guided by their parents, as early as elementary school age, to address other adults by their first name. So some young adults might be put off if they were expected to address parents by the more formal Mrs. XXX. I think it is this type of parenting I want to address now.</p>
<p>My daughter calls the mothers of some of her friends Miss First Name. I don’t like that for myself because there was a TV show by that name when I was a child, and for some reason it just sounds like a name that belongs to someone else.</p>
<p>Mr Res. Only 5 yr olds call me Mr NJ. It makes me feel old but I am getting used to it. There was a lovely young lady calling my wife “ma’am” this and “ma’am” that and when I told her she was making my wife feel old she replied it was a southern thing. (and kept calling her ma’am)</p>
<p>My parents and relatives in their generation expect any friends of their kids to address them as Mr. & Mrs. or to call them “uncle” or “auntie” if the relationship is very close. While my parents wouldn’t mind too much if a friend slipped up and called them by first name, most of my older relatives wouldn’t tolerate that and disdain such a friend as someone who “was raised in a barn”. </p>
<p>This applies even if the children and their friends are well into adulthood as part of this is age/generation based. Ironically, this also means that distant relatives older in age, but from a subsequent generation are technically also expected to address me more formally because their parents are part of my generation. I know better than to do that though some jerky cousins do make use of it…despite the fact those younger generation older relatives are more than old enough to be our parents. 
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<p>In contrast, one younger Seattle based friend whose wedding I attended last summer has a family who insists on informality. All of his older relatives…including his grandmothers insisted on being called by their first names. Had no problems adjusting, but it felt weird at first to call his grandmothers by their first names. </p>
<p>Moreover, this is also an issue when I see old teachers/Professors who after 10+ years ask me to address them by their given names.</p>
<p>Well, my kids are in their twenties. I work with people younger than them, who naturally call me by my first name, as colleagues would. It would seem strange, at this point, to expect a different stance from my kids’ friends. Some of the oldest friends do call me Mrs., but the more recent (college and onward) tend toward Firstname. I feel we are all adults, so it just makes sense.</p>