<p>My son’s HS friends created a nickname for me years ago (he says its because I’m a “cool” mom) so I figure I will be nickname forever. I introduce myself to new college age friends and older as Firstname. Don’t know what they actually call me. Haha.</p>
<p>I have always had my kids friends call me by my first name. Maybe it is a regional thing, but all kids I know, tend to call their friends parents by their first name. I live in the Boston area. Kids I don’t know well tend to call me by my last name, which I always attributed to the fact that they don’t know my first.</p>
<p>This is the other thread. </p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1363273-address-me-mrs-first-name.html?highlight=name+kids+friends[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1363273-address-me-mrs-first-name.html?highlight=name+kids+friends</a></p>
<p>Both of these rather blow my mind, as in my area, we can’t imagine calling folks of any age anything but their first names. Though I knew someone who moved to a smaller Midwest city, who said they used last names. But that was now almost 20 years ago.</p>
<p>Perhaps on occasion, while visiting one of my kids at school, one of their friends has attempted to call me Mrs. Ex husband’s last name, which my kids share. D and I quickly correct them, to my first name. </p>
<p>This does bring up another question. My kid’s professors have been first name with them as well, at LACs. The only place I see titles used is at work, in the hospital, Dr. xyz. And in the local schools, though I have friends who are “Ms. first name.” Is my community unusual?</p>
<p>I prefer DD’s friends, all young adults, to call me by my first name. After almost 28 years of marriage, I still think of “Mrs. LastName” as my MIL. In my job as a school nurse, the children call me “Ms. FirstName” or “Nurse FirstName”. I love being Mrs. LastName, I just don’t like being called Mrs. LastName.</p>
<p>I don’t think I’ve ever stated a preference. I’m always Mrs LastName. Just has always been that way with my kid’s friends.</p>
<p>My son still calls his college roommate’s mom “Mrs. ____”.</p>
<p>The high school friends my kids know call us by our first names now.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s being from Seattle, but I almost always call friends’ parents by their first names and have done so for as long as I remember. With professors, I will generally use their first name unless instructed otherwise as I started my college experience in community college where the instructors were not PhDs and went by their first names. </p>
<p>I do have one professor who calls every student by their last name except for me. </p>
<p>At my first job, I didn’t know my boss’s last name until 6 months after I quit and needed it for internship applications.</p>
<p>As a professor, I’m happy to be called Professor Stradmom or Dr. Stradmom but I don’t like being called Mrs. Stradmom, especially because my name is one of those hyphenated monstrosities and there is no such person as Mrs Stradmom-violin. </p>
<p>I have had students refer to me by my first name, which is a little startling, as it doesn’t comport with campus culture, but is not offensive. (Oddly, it’s the older returning students who tend to be more formal, even though they are actually of my generation and therefore would be calling my by my first name in a social situation.)</p>
<p>The happy compromise is that I usually sign my emails with my initials, and many students end up calling me by those, which is kind of sweet, in my opinion.</p>
<p>I’m the same age as you, geeps, and I called my parents’ friends by their first names. It’s not a big deal to me, but I prefer to be called by my first name.</p>
<p>^ I’m actually surprised so many use first names…I still call my friends parents Mr and Mrs…and most if not all in my area do the same. IMO, it just doesn’t seem appropriate to call people a generation ahead by their first names…maybe it’s regional, or by town, I don’t know. I still think it’s a respect thing. I do know that I don’t feel the need for someone to call me by my first name to make me feel younger.</p>
<p>Mr.______ or Mrs._________. The kids just naturally do it.
When I worked we always called each other Mr. or Ms. First Name (southern style). I still tend to do that with anybody much older than me unless I know them really well.</p>
<p>Geeps, what my kids’ friend’s call me has NOTHING to do with making me feel younger. Where did that come from?</p>
<p>Several of my kids’ high school friends (now mid to late 20s) actually work with me in my profession at the same place of employment. It would be ridiculous for them to call me
Mrs. Thumper as we are now colleagues. </p>
<p>In other cases, we have been family friends for many years and the kids parents have always called us by our first names. Now that these folks are young adults, it’s a natural thing for them to call us by our first names too.</p>
<p>I just visited my own dad, in his 80s. At one point in my life I called all of my parents’ friends Mr. Or Mrs. Something. I now call them all by their first names…I’m 60 years old for heavens sake. We are now all adults…not kid/child.</p>
<p>Like I said before, if someone wants to be called by their first name, then I have no problem doing so. If not specified, I think it’s a sign of respect to call someone a generation ahead Mr. or Mrs. That doesn’t change as I get older.</p>
<p>But I still don’t understand what that has to do with feeling younger?? </p>
<p>Fwiw, I went to my cousin’s wedding this week in another part of the country (very small upper Midwest town). While there’s obvious selection bias, my mom was on a first name basis with all of the elders, many of whom she’s known since high school. Everyone was introduced to me (a young person) by their first name by people from all over the age spectrum, but mostly by my aunt and mom (both in their 50s- and not sisters so they don’t have the same background). There were people there from all over the country, but mostly the midwest/great lakes. All seemed to be on a first name basis. All different socioeconomic backgrounds, too. This seems to be a highly regional thing- much like most issues of etiquette :). </p>
<p>It would bug me though if my mom or dad started calling the other by their first name while talking to me “X said this” instead of “Mom said this”. (This was brought up on another similar thread). I don’t care how old someone is, they will always be my mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, etc.</p>
<p>I think this is very regional, and that in some parts of the country these naming conventions are not as closely linked to showing respect as in others. In the South, where I grew up, the default was certainly to address anybody older than oneself as Mr. or Mrs. XXX. I once worked at a law firm in Norfolk, Virginia, in which many of the partners addressed the more senior partner as Mr. XXX. It didn’t seem strange at the time.</p>
<p>For young people reading this, I would suggest this takeaway: when interacting with older people, don’t assume that they will prefer to be on a first-name basis with you. Look for clues (like how they introduce themselves). If there’s no clue, I would suggest taking a conservative approach and addressing them more formally until they tell you they prefer something else. While some people may “feel old” if you call them “Mr. Smith,” that’s not as bad as the risk that Mr. Smith will think that you are showing him disrespect if you call him John.</p>
<p>Funny story on this topic. I go to the bank today and the woman insists on calling me by a two letter knickname of my name - I did not introduce myself that way, I said my full name. No friend even calls me that! I kept on thinking of how unprofessional it was!</p>
<p>I will add that if a stranger who wants to sell me something addresses me by my first name, he’s just lost the sale.</p>
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<p>That’s similar to the “if you can’t tell what gender the person is, assume male, because a woman won’t be offended by being called Mr as much as a man will be by being called Mrs” rule of thumb. But at my house, if you call up asking for either Mr or Mrs MyLastName, you’ll be told there’s no one by that name here, and hung up upon, because I don’t go by Mrs MyLastName.</p>
<p>My kid is little, and her friends address me as “Kid’sName’s mom,” which makes everyone happy. (I’ve had a couple of parents of kid-friends call my kid KidName MyLastName, which really ticks both her and me off, because she has her own last name which is not the same as mine.) My client’s teenage kids sometimes call me MyFirstName, and sometimes Ms MyFirstName, and sometimes Ms MyLastName, all of which are fine with me. College-age kids all call me MyFirstName.</p>
<p>We get “family” museum memberships that cover any two named adults plus kids living at the same address. I put me as the primary member, and my father (who is the backup babysitter and museum-goer) as the additional named adult. Invariably, the membership paperwork comes to Mr and Mrs HisName, which also ticks me off.</p>
<p>There is no universally non-offensive way of addressing another person that doesn’t start with, “how would you prefer I address you.”</p>
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I don’t agree at all that this is a good analogy. First of all, I don’t think what you state is true, while I think what I stated actually is true–there won’t be many people who will actually be offended by being addressed more formally than you prefer. As you suggest, there may be times when you don’t know the right title (or even the right last name), and then you should ask.</p>
<p>When I volunteered at S2’s elem school, I was “Mrs. S2’s mom.” I hyphenate, but an not fanatical about what I am called. </p>
<p>I actually had to ask my new DIL what she preferred to be called – her nickname that we have always known her by is a mash-up of her last name, but everyone else in her family calls her by her first name. Happily, I had guessed correctly, but I was glad to have clarified (and told her I answered to anything, including “hey you!”).</p>
<p>When referring to our neighbors when talking to my kids, I still refer to them as Mrs./Mrs. Lastname. Last names are still big in the south where my family lives, as they were in the midwest when I was growing up.</p>
<p>IIRCS, Quakers are not big into honorifics and teachers are generally addressed by their their first names.</p>