So I’m going to be a freshman in college in two weeks. Joy. I’m an introvert, and I’m terrified.
There are times when I can be social, mingle a bit, but generally in large crowds I get annoyed quickly and would rather be by myself. Plus, I really hate the majority of teenagers
As far as I’m concerned, it feels like colleges love to shove countless activities down your throats as a way to socialize. Looking through my “welcome week” schedule, it involved stuff like “freshman relay race” and “ice cream dance party”. It makes me cringe just thinking about it.
I know that these things are what college is all about, but it honestly it makes me want to throw up. I want to be more independent and make friends my own way but it seems like it’s impossible to meet decent people without “getting involved” somehow. There’s always the chance me and my roommate will be good friends, but so far I’m not getting that vibe.
Idk any wisdom or advice would be appreciated. Hopefully someone else feels this way too.
Seriously, you should look for things that you want to do on campus. There will be a wide variety of activities. There will be LOTs of activities that you don’t like, but there is bound to be something that you do like. Also, while quiet thoughtful introverted people might be a minority in most places, there will be relatively more of them on a university campus than in most other parts of society. Seek out other quiet thoughtful introverted people to spend time with.
Also, understand that it takes time to settle in to a new location, but you will get there.
A poster on another thread said it best. Poster’s D realized she hated all the forced interaction of Orientation Week. But was fine making friends at her own pace once classes started.
So, pace yourself during your orientation, skip the worst of the socials, and keep an eye out for others who skip out as well. You can even bond with the other introverts with your shared dislike of those silly events.
Choose one thing per day that is the least worst activity, and make an attempt to interact. This will give you some fodder for mindless chatter in the dining hall for a few meals.
It might be helpful to show up for club fair, where you can explore the various options for intramural sports, academic clubs, music and art clubs, etc. Finding people who share your interests might be worth the effort.
An introvert stays within their comfort zone, but may have a modest goal such as speaking to one person first at an event. Go to events, maybe smile at times, and respond to someone who speaks to you. Most people attend events to check out others rather than find new friends. In the cafeteria, find place where you can see and look friendly, if others ask to join you, let them and respond pleasantly to conversation. As a very experienced introvert, I learned to be accessible in groups, but did not feel obliged to start conversations and rarely did unless there was a connection. For example, I rarely spoke to someone who was wearing my high school sweat shirt. If I was distant from my high school, I might say I saw the sweat shirt and wondered how someone miles way had the sweatshirt to find a real connection and not something like I bought the shirt at goodwill.
I usually went to an event just after it begins so there will be fewer people. I planned to stay about thirty minutes to learn to control pressure to flee. I stayed longer if engaged in a pleasant conversation. Otherwise an left when I was done. So, I went to meet and greets to become better at surviving a large setting. I did not set enormous goals for myself, but did something I could handle. Maybe speak to two people next time. This did not come without price, but I left before the shaking was too obvious and cried and gagged privately. Your overall goal in various settings is inching your way to tolerance. I can’t say I look forward to group interactions, but I can stay longer without misery. Very important: People are rarely paying attention to you as much as you believe. I once announced funeral between two people the previous week. A few laughed knowing I should have said weddings.
Overall, pick situations and practice becoming more comfortable. Over time, you can become very fictional in many situations and maybe acknowledged for your skill in something, That is good because you know you can do something scary and do well. On the downside, you willl likely be anxious forever, but can survive with practice.
Introverts aren’t shy. We get our energy by being alone. Extroverts get energy by being around lots of people. I’m an introvert and I talk plenty. But at the end of the day I’m drained and need to go for a walk or read quietly for awhile to replenish my energy.
I’d suggest being friendly, but don’t worry about making friends at orientation. Look for clubs and other activities you might enjoy and let friendships develop naturally.
The social skills you build in college will help you when it comes to networking to find an internship or a job and prepare you to face the real world after college. Utilize your time in college to build those skills and figuring out how you will deal with uncomfortable situations or with people who have different views than you do.
Everyone is new as freshmen on campus and everyone is in the same boat trying to get to know other people. Find activities that you truly like to meet those who share some common ground. One of the skills you want to acquire is to be a team player and to get along with people. In some of your classes you may have group projects. All college assignments are not done solo.
College is a time where students transition to adulthood. The person you are as you enter college and the person you will be when you graduate might be a totally different person with a different outlook on life. As a student you are part of a community. College is the time when you will be surrounded by so many people your age so it is really the best time to make friends and get to know people since everyone is coming from different towns with different experiences.
What effort you put in to get involved will define the quality of your college experience. I think there is a difference between being an introvert and having social anxiety. It will take time to transition to your new surroundings. If you are having issues with interacting with people you may want to consider seeing a counselor to help you with your concerns.
Just relax! Try to make the most of orientation. There were some orientation events I skipped (“The Mud Games” for example…eww) but even though I hated the forced socializing, it did kinda work haha.
Either way, like someone else said, you’ll make friends at your own rate either during orientation or after when college actually starts. You’ll be fine.
As a recently-graduated introvert myself, the best advice I can give is just to go at your own pace. There’s plenty of time for everything - if you don’t feel like going out, then don’t. Don’t feel like you’re missing out. Just go when you feel up to it and you’ll have a great time.
I heard a speech once about networking and the technique might work for you. The speaker worked with politicians and had to attend many social events, when he would rather be at home. He attend the receptions. He walked in a spiral to the center of the room, talking to people and being seen, then reverse spiraled his way out of the room. That way, everyone saw him and he could speak freely, but he was able to leave before the sit down meal/guest speaker that would trap him in the room.
TLDR: Go, mingle but don’t stay for the games you don’t want to play.
Keep a look out for your fellow introverts at the edges of the crowds and make friends with them.
Try to take a foreign language class - you’ll break up into small groups to practice conversation, and it can be a good way to meet people.
Or, if you are an engineering sort, find a study group of a dozen or fewer people to pull all-nighters with. Hopefully one or two from there will become a closer friend.
Join a small club, possibly continuing an activity that you did in high school.
And, I agree: be patient with yourself. Don’t give yourself a deadline to find your friend group. It may take time.
It’s not as if being social is forced upon you for your entire college career. You’re an adult, you can make decisions on whether you want to be friends with someone or not.
Engineering has plenty of introverts if you’re doing that. I used to have a study group that I’d study regularly with and that was about it other than getting drunk together sometimes.
I assume you want to make friends. Go to the orientation activities and look for your people. Maybe they will be participating in some activities that you also like. Maybe they are hanging aroudn the edges. Orientation activities exposes you to more people making it easier to find the fellow introverts.
I’m introvert and shy too and I loose a lot of opportunities in my live for that.
High School and College was very hard for me.
Just take me 30 years change that, when I assumed that it was a real problem and confronted.
I taked a job in client service, then talking and talking with people I started to feel more comfortable. Today my live is very different.
I recommend you practice a lot, try to speak in public, study hard, if you know the theme, you can talk about it, probably yor face it’s gonna be red a couple of minutes, but no more, don’t be afraid, more talking, more practice more secure you is gonna be.
Here we are, trying to write in English, it’s not my lenguage, bu, like I told you, is practice.
