<p>I was a mess when I dropped my eldest daughter off back in 2004. There was a lot of other stuff going on at the same time - I remarried a month prior and we were all moving into a new house… but I still think I would have been a mess. She did just fine, though. It was so new an adjustment. </p>
<p>My two middle kids I handled much better. My older son, in fact, just waved and walked away like it was nothing! He was anxious to go hiking for pre-orientation :)</p>
<p>My youngest’s heading off to college is coming up, and I don’t anticipate it being very difficult for either of us. If he does have any homesickness I don’t anticipate it lasting very long.</p>
<p>Sometimes worry is worse than the actual event.</p>
<p>Yes, we planned a nice family vacation in connection with taking our S to his U (he is our older kid). We visited campus & we all met with the Office of Disabilities (as he does have a documented medical disability). When then took him to the nearby campus medical center, where we had set up appointments so he could meet some docs in case he needed more than the U infirmary on campus could provide (at the suggestion of the U). We then took off & enjoyed San Diego. We then returned to the area & took S shopping for things he wanted for school, staying at a hotel nearby. We helped him move his stuff in on move-in day & took him to dinner (his room mate declined & dined with his own family). We hung around for a few more days, helping him acquire the other things he wanted & they flew back home. We were all OK & the vacation helped us all bond & eased the transition. For D, it was even shorter. We all flew different flights & ours got bumped so only she & S ended up arriving in time to get her to orientation the next morning, which she attended alone after spending the night at S’s place near campus. We all spent some time at my best friend’s nearby home before moving her into her apartment & helping her acquire the things she wanted. We flew out a few days later & everything went well for all of us. S helped her get a few more things & her friends who were already on campus helped as well.</p>
<p>We did and do miss our kids but no one shed any tears–our family isn’t very demonstrative. They & we were excited about their new adventures & we have actually enjoyed just having the two of us at home as well.</p>
<p>I haven’t read through all 3 pages, but usually there are a TON of get-to-know-your-dorm events the first night and the next days after so you will be occupied, excited, and it will be just fine!</p>
<p>My DD had the usual pangs about going off to college (school on the east coast and we live on the west coast) throughout the summer. However, about 2 days before move in day, she lost it. We were on the east coast buying things she needed and all at once she couldn’t stop crying, thought she made a mistake going to school so far away, etc. </p>
<p>That feeling lasted until we were pulling up to her dorm. Then the excitement of actually moving in and meeting all her new classmates kicked in. </p>
<p>Then, she couldn’t have felt better. She was pushing us out the door as she really wanted to start her college career. At that point it was Mom and I that had the hard time. </p>
<p>DD enjoyed her freshman year and is looking forward to getting back to school now that she has had a few weeks at home to relax.</p>
<p>Does anyone ever think about what international students go through? They fly in from thousands of miles away, especially those from Southeast Asia and move in with just a couple suitcases and no parents. They handle it just fine I’m sure. That’s how I moved in… with 2 suitcases and 2 boxes, no parents. I had no issues whatsoever.</p>
<p>The first couple days of anything (school, job, living in a new house, etc.) involve anxiety and disorientation. Just keep telling yourself that feeling sad, uncomfortable, confused, and hopeless are natural and very temporary. People can adapt to just about anything, and are designed to say goodbye to their parents at some point.</p>
<p>I’ll be heading off to college in just a few months as a Freshman. I definitely wasn’t ready to move away when I was your age, so it’s perfectly normal. Most kids won’t admit to missing “mommy and daddy,” but they feel the loss. For me, the idea of leaving my family was terrifying, especially when I was a late junior/ early senior. You’re going to mature, become more independent, and you will be more than ready on move in day. Don’t sweat it. </p>
<p>And if you want to miss move in day, that’s fine. Many colleges have a move in week (unless they’re especially small or private). If you want to beat the rush, come early in the week. This will give your parents their move in experience, and you still won’t be around such large crowds when it happens. You’re going to feel the loss of them, whether they’re there or not.</p>
<p>In every single case where we’ve gone to Move In Day at colleges, there is such a carnival atmosphere with so much to do, that the kids have been happy as could be. It’s later, I think that most kids have a bit of a crash. </p>
<p>There are exceptions. I remember one young woman who could not stop crying. She had changed her mind at the last minute and wanted to stay local but her parents were insisting that she stick with her original plans and give the school a try. There was a boyfriend in the picture and that was a major reason for the change in heart about the college, and the parents were not exactly enamored with him. It was a rough day for her. And sometimes it does not work out and the kid does come home. I’ve seen it happen at some of the greatest schools. In this case, the girl graduated 4 years later, for all the sobbing and heartache that day.</p>
<p>I’m more of an “emotional freight train” (strong and steady) than an emotional roller coaster. Lol</p>
<p>That being said, I’m a junior, and just thinking about where I’ll be a year and half from now is a bit concerning. I’m definitely a worrier, but not because of all that emotional crap so much as I don’t really know how to live on my own. I’ve never had a job, I am used to asking teachers, parents and counselors A LOT of questions, and I’m socially inept. Top it off with being the oldest and look what you got… :(</p>
<p>Maybe a new environment will force me to make friends and find work, but I still think it’s going to be a painful process getting to that point. </p>
<p>I’ll probably end up at a state school where I know quite a few kids. Honestly, I would prefer it if I knew absolutely <em>nobody</em>. I feel like it would be easier to make new friends in an environment where I had none to start with–strange as that sounds. </p>
<p>I’m going to try and keep myself focused on retaking the ACT, schoolwork for senior year and college apps. before I start worrying about that. As of now, I’m accepted at absolutely NOWHERE. So, I’ll worry about that bridge when I come to it.</p>
<p>For me, move-in day was not very emotional at all. I live about 90 minutes from home, so I can go back every few weeks, but separation wasn’t an issue for me. I liked the independence a lot, and there was so much going on the first few days that I didn’t even notice.</p>
<p>I was soooo ready for my son to move to college… I had my weepy moments during the summer, but when it was time to leave it was almost anticlimactic. After all we planned and shopped and drove 10 hours for this day. I was relieved to go home. For me it was much harder bringing him to the airport after Christmas break. We dropped him off and I burst into tears on the way home and sobbed…I guess I realized how much I missed him after having him home again for a few weeks.</p>
<p>Would it be easier for those who were at boarding schools for HS (and their parents)? Since they’ve technically had a similar experience of “moving out” already?</p>
<p>I don’t feel my parents will get very emotional since my mum was her usual self when my brother moved in to his residential college and when I moved in to my school dorm. Also, they’re the type who say “What? Why would we do that? We’d be glad/happy.” when I ask if they think they’d cry at one of their children’s weddings.</p>
<p>I do think my mum could cry if I got into my dream university (because I would cry when the results come out either way).</p>
<p>Thank you all for your replies, really didn’t expect this to make it onto the front page of CC. Guess everyone can identify with it. =)</p>
<p>Thank you for all of the thoughtfull, positive, comments! They really have made me feel better about this.</p>
<p>However, for those of you who basically told me to suck it up and deal with it. I don’t know why you would tell me that. This is a MAJOR transition and I’m sure many people have felt the enormity of it, maybe just not in the form of tears.</p>
<p>Anyway, I especially liked the comments from previous students. Those were really inciteful on how things will really go down. I guess im also more anxious since I’m the eldest so I have no idea how my parents will react. </p>
<p>I feel reassured that my feelings toward college will change over the next year. 99% of the time anticipation is worse than reality. The same will hold true here im sure.</p>
<p>Thanks again! This community is great because of people like you!</p>
<p>I have sent 4 kids out into the world ,1 only a year ago .SHE was completely fine . It is harder for me ,investing 25 years as a stay at home mom . She just came home for 10 days and left again . You will be fine ! The parents have a harder time . Good luck !</p>
<p>Owl, I didn’t read all of the posts but I want to tell you about my son’s experience so you can be prepared for all possibilities. (Since I read a lot of “parents have it harder” comments.) </p>
<p>I will start by saying that he just finished his 1st year at Cornell (Ithaca, NY) and now he loves it. But the first semester was tough. He was lonely, he felt out of place. Making friends was harder than he thought. He was in a single dorm (he really wanted that) so I am sure that contributed to it. We let him come home (to southern California) at every break to help him (fall break, Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break). That really helped. Also, he did all the right things. He joined some clubs and got really dedicated to one (where he felt most comfortable). He never said no to an invitation even if it felt stange. In the end, he now has a good group of friends that he will room in a suite with next year. I think some kids with more outgoing personalities adapt quicker but not all kids do and you should remember if you have a rough patch it will get better if you reach out. Going away for college is a life changing event that will mature you like crazy and it might go very smooth. But just be prepared that if it doesn’t, you won’t be alone (many kids take a semester to adjust) and it will get better faster when you do all the right things (stay active, get a little on-campus job etc). Good luck! It’s a good sign that you are preparing yourself.</p>