How hard is it letting go?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>So, I hope I'm not intruding too much, seeing as to how I'm a student and not a parent, but there's something that's been plaguing my mind for the past two years... I'm a Junior currently, and have been looking at plenty of colleges recently, many out of state, but can't seem to separate myself from my parents. </p>

<p>I've found many great colleges, that would offer me large amounts of merit aid, many that I would almost be certain to get accepted to, and that I'm sure I would love. I just keep getting the image in my mind that I'm going to be stuck here, going to one of the state schools around the area, or one of the religious private schools (nothing against religion - I was looking at quite a few Christian colleges, the ones around here just aren't that great). I live in the So. Florida area, and can't seem to cut the cord. </p>

<p>Did any of you parents have some very emotionally-attached children who left to go to college? How did they manage, and also, how did YOU manage? I'm an only child, and only grandchild, who was raised by her grandmother, who is a widow. I'm terribly afraid to leave her alone, but feel as if this is keeping me from reaching my full potential - and the suggestion of her moving to whichever college/university I choose is go to is out of the question, she says she likes where she lives, has lived there for 16+ years, and has some family around. </p>

<p>Any advice or tips on this would be greatly appreciated, there are plenty of great schools out there, but I think this is going to hold me back.</p>

2

<p>kaitlyn, it’s only four years. There are holidays, and summer vacations that can be spent back home with your grandma. You can plan to come back to Florida after graduation and live and work near your grandma.<br>
I think it’s wonderful that you’re such a caring person and are appreciative of what she has done for you, and I think you can continue to stay “attached” and still go away to college!
If you can get merit aid at schools that will meet your financial and academic needs, you should go for it. How does your grandmother feel about your going away to school?
Is she healthy? Is she young enough that she will still be there when you graduate? You don’t mention your own professional goals. Will going away to school help with that? It will certainly help you feel more independent and learn a lot about yourself.
Many of us have kids who went away to school but are now back living in our counties and communities. The time away was a growth experience for the ones I’ve known, and now they are back happily working in the states where they grew up.
Does this help?</p>

3

<p>That’s something that I figured would work, go off to college and come back afterwards to begin my career, but I’d like to study history and secondary education at my college, and I’m sure as part of the secondary education curriculum, students would get teaching certification in their state, and Florida, according to my research, is one of the lesser desired areas for teachers, especially of the social sciences. I’ve offered every possible thing to her, such as moving back to where she grew up as a child, taking her to where her parents/grandparents lived, where other family is, and she’s denied every request. I know it’s extremely selfish of me to just expect her to uproot herself and come with me wherever I choose to go, but it’s still an extremely hard thing to do. </p>

<p>I can get a decent amount of merit aid at quite a few of the schools I’ve been looking at, and even so, if they were to not cover it, the finance area wouldn’t bee that large a problem. </p>

<p>In terms of how my Grandmother feels: she’s constantly telling me to go anywhere! She says that if I find a school that will benefit me, help me reach my maximum potential, that has a good reputation for my subject area, and will help me launch my career, she doesn’t care if it’s across state of across country, she wants to best for me, and that’s one aspect on why it’s so hard. </p>

<p>She’s fairly healthy, no BP problems, had diabetes about 10 years ago that’s completely under control without use of insulin or medication now, no dementia signs, and she isn’t really frail. She does have problems with her knee from around 15 years ago when she tripped and landed directly on it, she takes anti-inflammatory medication for it, walks with a cane on occasion, and is highly considering knee replacement, and we have a date set. </p>

<p>It helps quite a bit, thank you so much for your response.</p>

4

<p>I don’t think that going away to college will be as difficult as you’re expecting.</p>

<p>People talk a lot about homesickness, but stay-at-home-sickness is worse.</p>

<p>What I mean by this is that when you go away to college, you’re not likely to miss your grandmother or other important people in your life as much as you expect because they have no place in your college environment, and you don’t expect to see them there. </p>

<p>It’s the people at home, who are used to having you there, who are likely to have more of a problem. In this instance, though, your grandmother seems well prepared to cope with the separation.</p>

5

<p>“In terms of how my Grandmother feels: she’s constantly telling me to go anywhere! She says that if I find a school that will benefit me, help me reach my maximum potential, that has a good reputation for my subject area, and will help me launch my career, she doesn’t care if it’s across state of across country, she wants to best for me, and that’s one aspect on why it’s so hard.”</p>

<p>Honey, listen to you wise grandma! You wont’ be leaving for college for 2 more years!! So relax. It is easy to fly back home to Fla from any state in the US. The important part is finding colleges that you like AND can afford, and you DO need to cast a wide net in order to have the best chance of securing merit $$. The number 1 thing that you can do to help your chances of securing merit $$ is to do great on the PSAT this Oct. !!! That one little 1 hour test can help you win hundreds of thousands of scholarship $$$$$$$$. So grab a Collegeboard SAT book, and start taking practice SAT tests each weekend. Then come back here after your Jr yr ends with your SAT scores, [ be sure to take the SAT or ACT next Spring] and your grades and well help you find colleges to apply to.</p>

6

<p>I would suggest that you not go too far out of state with an elderly person as your closest relative. Make sure you can get back with in an 8 hour drive. </p>

<p>She may be ready for you to leave more than you think. She has now raised not just her child but a grandchild too and may really want her time to concentrate on herself. I think as long as you keep in touch via phone on most days you will both do well.</p>

7

<p>I think you will find that you and your feelings change a lot in the next two years. I imagine your feelings are not unusual at this stage (even though only some will admit them), and yet two years from now you will feel much more ready.</p>

8

<p>Technology can help too. Skype can be a wonderful thing for keeping in touch.</p>

<p>Although my sister and I lived far from our parents (them in Hawaii and us on the mainland) we were never able to convince them to move closer to us or to move in with us as they got older. Even after my father died, my mother wanted to retain her independence. She had her own relatives and friends at home. They wanted to see us go out and make our own way in the world. Sure they liked us to call and visit, but they also had their own lives to live. Your grandmother seems to be of similar persuasion.</p>

9

<p>My philosophy is - carpe diem. If going away to school doesn’t work out – for whatever reason – you can come back. You can say to yourself: I tried it but I’m OK with returning home. But NOT going, and regretting it afterwards, is a bummer. Regret about the road not taken, the risk not taken, is no fun. </p>

<p>Go to where your heart takes you. Share your excitement and adventures with your family via phone/email/skype. Let your grandmother feel, vicariously, a part of your experience. </p>

<p>As a mom whose own daughter is moving to NYC today (almost 3000 miles from home) I can tell you that nothing is more gratifying to a parent or a grandparent than watching your child find her wings - and using them! Yes, I’m sad she’s so far away. But I’m also so proud of her. Give your grandmother a similar gift. Show her how well she raised you. And keep in touch often.</p>