How involved are your parents in the BS search/application process?

Prep School Admissions
1

I haven’t been that active on the forum lately (because there’s that day job thing…and truthfully, it gets tiresome seeing the same questions season after season…USE THE SEARCH FUNCTION, PEOPLE!) but scanned the main board today and am curious about something.

A few recent posts regarding kids missing interviews/forgetting to schedule interviews in a timely manner leads me to believe that some kids are truly “taking the lead” when it comes to the BS search/application process. Otherwise a parent (helicopter or otherwise) would probably have intervened to prevent these missed opportunities. When I posted the story of my older daughter’s process a few years ago, a few commenters took me to task for “doing everything for my daughter” (if by everything, they meant scheduling interviews and driving her to said interviews, color me guilty). But at least she didn’t miss an interview.

So my question for the board is: Just how involved are parents in your BS search/application process? (Parents feel free to comment on behalf of your family.)

2

In our search a couple of years ago, I took the lead. I said “the lead” and that does not mean “did everything”. It was a team effort. These kids are 13-ish years old, and many just don’t have the organizational skill to handle multiple applications with different requirements. They also may not be aware of other family obligations which might conflict with a schedule they might devise.

Obviously, there are many kids who are more than capable – but it never hurts to have oversight. I think that schools do value independence and want to see evidence that the child actively wants to go away to school, but I also think that they expect that parents will be involved, both in the application process and also as members of the community-at-large after matriculation.

My child was involved in: helping to narrow down the choice of schools, writing her essays (which I never saw until it was time to post them on the application site), asking teachers for recommendations, and interviewing. She also had final say over which school to attend.

I was responsible for: tracking the application process, reminding our daughter that she needed to follow up on specific items (as needed), scheduling the interviews (so that they fit with the family schedule) including arranging for flights and hotels. I also helped with evaluating acceptances so that the school with the best overall fit was chosen.

Boarding school as a choice results in, by its very nature, huge impact upon a family. Resources (time, money, etc.) need to be managed to make attending school possible. We felt that it was important for the family as a whole to be involved along the way. It would have been difficult for me to get onboard without having the time to become comfortable with our choice. The choice to go to prep school is a huge financial commitment for our family, and it was important to us to be sure we were spending our money in the best place (for us) while at the same time providing the right learning environment for our child. Being involved in the application process allowed me to make an informed decision.

I realize some will view this involvement as “helicoptering”. I disagree. This is not the college application process where the kids are old enough to be on the verge of going out into the world on their own as young adults. We are talking about young teenagers - capable, smart, determined, and outgoing teenagers to be sure - and few will have had experience managing such large projects.

To each his own, of course, but in our case, we chose to apply as a family unit. Each person had their own piece of the process for which to be responsible. As in business, someone has to be “in charge” insofar as ensuring the project comes together fully completed.

The recent posts I have seen where kids have been upset and anxious (rightfully so!) because they missed an interview or forgot part of the application process are hard to watch. I feel bad for them - prep school is an important goal for them, and I hate that they seemed not to have any back up.

3

My parents do absolutely nothing in my application process. They refuse to drive me to the schools, which force me to have only Skype or alumni interviews that are close. This application process is really overwhelming me. If I didn’t have CC to rely on, I would’ve lost my sanity.

4

My child decided on the schools she wanted to apply to with the help of her advisor, and some feedback from me. I took care of logistics - scheduling interviews, setting up SSAT dates, and making sure that everything is where it is supposed to be when it should be there. I would be attending the interviews so it only makes sense I should schedule them, and I think it is fine to double-check that everything is getting done but she is doing it. I think she appreciated the fact that we were invested and supportive of her in the process.

5

@mathman1201 I have to ask, are your parents going to pay if you get in?

6

@mathman1201 - Hang tight! The process is almost over. Then you can “relax” until M10.

7

I’m the one choosing to apply to my schools, and my parents (mostly my mom) are helping with the admissions. My mom helped with planning my interviews, signing me up for the SAT and SSAT, and sending in my transcripts. I wrote my essays myself (I had her and my sister read through and give advice though), and contacted all my teachers in regards to the recommendations. I also filled out all of the information forms, but my mom is going to do the financial stuff. Pretty even split, I’m quite involved with it. I’m the one who gets emails from the school, I forward them to her :-p

8

My mom is doing most of the non-application work such as keeping track of interviews and deadlines and mail and such. My parents want to make this process as smooth as possible and as easy as possible because they want me to focus on school as well. They just have me do the writing and putting together my portfolios for my ECs and contacting teachers to remind them about the recommendations. My mom does the organization and my dad mainly drives me to the interviews/SSAT and provides input on my writing. They keep reminding me that if I do end up going to boarding school, I won’t have them around to do those things for me… But until then they are pretty involved.

9

I told my kid that if she felt ready for this challenge, I would support her through the process but that she needed to demonstrate readiness and take the lead. We had many discussions about which schools might be a good fit for her (and we didn’t always agree at first). She called schools to schedule the interviews, and I was ‘hands off’ the application except for the parent statement, financial aid forms and paying the fees. She actually reminded me about one interview that I had forgotten was coming up. I hate to admit it, but I think she was more organized than me.

10

I have been doing all the logistics. Scheduling interviews, arranging travels, signing up tests and paying for fees. I’m also reminding my child of deadlines, reminding to remind the teachers, helping to prepare for the tests (by getting books and grading and explaining the answers, i.e. tutoring myself), prodding to work on the essays. I’m playing an “executive secretary” in this process.
We chose the schools together.
My child did take the tests, did the interviews, did ask for the recommendation letters, and is STILL writing the essays. If accepted, my child will choose the school to attend.

11

@Leafyseadragon I’m applying for FA, so no worries there.

@london203 Thanks! The problem is that I’m all done with my things, but my principal refuses to even START my recommendation. What’s left of my applications is all in the hands of others, and if they make my application become late, I’ll flip out. All that hard work over winter break for nothing… :frowning:

12

@mathman1201 It is always hard when you can do no more and you are at the point where you are waiting on another person. Has your principal told you why he/she won’t complete the form? And have you (politely) made him/her aware of the strict deadline?

Some suggestions:

  1. If your parent(s) would be willing, maybe the principal would act quicker if asked by a parent or at least give them an idea as to when it will be submitted? If they will not do that for you, does your school have a guidance counselor who could help? Or a teacher you are close to?
  2. You might contact one of the AO's at a school to which you are applying and ask what happens if the recommendation is late. It may be that they will not hold you responsible. At a minimum, this might help you relax about the remaining parts that are not under your control!

Good luck. I am pulling for you.

13

Kids went to JBS so as far as school selection they had a good handle on where they wanted to go. Two classes of friends ahead of them already enrolled in practically every SS A-Z ( to reach out to and get opinions) plus a network of parents I was able to rely on for current info, plus young alum cousins and cousins currently enrolled helped a great deal when we drilled down on important (and elusive ) things like culture at various schools. We were very,very fortunate in that department.

Once we had our list in place logistics were often challenging - juggling their demanding schedules with ours and all the driving ( home- JBS- interview(s)- JBS- home) but the JB schools were super supportive (VII Formers were given a Senior Weekend to knock off some tours which helped a lot ) and the SS placement office was always extremely helpful. Definitely a team effort from start to finish. ( The kids weren’t allowed cell phones at school so there were moments I wanted to rip my hair out but we managed ). Sometimes I felt like an air traffic controller … or like I was in an endless game of “Telephone” having the front office relay important messages regarding tours … but everything worked out pretty well. It always helps when everyone (including the kids) has a sense of humor…

Don’t even get me started on one dorm telephone for twelve or more boys… ( and how the little angels used to unplug it- especially when grades were released :slight_smile: ) Very fond memories…

One thing that helped a great deal was scheduling appointments (with kids sitting next to me) as soon as the schools started taking them ( late summer). I would give each kid a wall calendar with the dates ( for tours) filled in and they would bring it back to school. That way they could plan and get assignments done and stay on top of school work. Even then- I remember arriving (a few times) to pick them up only to find out that they had forgotten… and then it was a mad dash back to the dorm to change a tie, put on clean pants and stick bedhead hair under the faucet in the bathroom… ( Boys are great).

Timely submission of teacher recs were never (ever) an issue. Christmas Break was devoted 24-7 to apps because there was NO WAY they were going back to school with this hanging over their heads (or mine).

I was kind of a lunatic about Thank You notes after interviews. We would pull in to school after tours and they would say, I’ll write the notes tonight, Mom! before the car even stopped. So- no more wire hangers.

I was always grateful for the support the JBS SS placement team gave my family. We didn’t always need it but knowing it was there ( if we did ) was a big blessing. I would say that all in all- every SS admissions process (for us) was a team effort… and ( few calamities aside) the kids most definitely pulled their weight - especially considering that they were already away at BS.

All I know is this: There is no better feeling (in the world) than hitting that submit button and watching the color return to your child’s face. So- how we got there wasn’t really all that important to me… just getting everyone there in one piece was my goal. :slight_smile:

14

@london203 Thank you so much for your advice! I will ask my parents to email my principal.

15

We went to a boarding school fair when my daughter was in 7th grade to see what was out there as the local options were not great. The following year we all agreed that there was only one school she would be happy at so she pursued it. I did the scheduling as many have described above (I even ended up gathering all the recommendations into a single packet as her teachers couldn’t handle Gateway). She did the writing, some prep for SSAT … this whole experience was very abstract for both of us. There is no way she would have made this future for herself without my backing her up, everything was a first. It’s a big deal to be a young adult and put yourself out there like that.

16

It’s a family process for us. We live on the left coast and coordinated a trip back east for tours and interviews. Our kid’s local public school registrar didn’t want to communicate with our kid regarding transcripts and the like so I took care of that. Recommendations for teachers and sports coach were handled entirely by our kid. Essays are (obviously) written by our kid. We do read over and suggest an additional look at something if we feel it needs more attention but don’t “fix” or rewrite anything.

Our biggest role is time management. December was a really busy one for our kid and our family, and our kid doesn’t always see the “big picture” in regards to l how her time needs fit in with the rest of the family so there’s lots of reminding that “this weekend is not free, you need to get your work done before xx time” kind of effort here.

17

Same as most people, my parents scheduled the interviews and took me and such, but I did everything else (except obviously the parent statement)

18

My mom encouraged me to apply to Groton for eighth grade. We found out about it in January and had two weeks. Since then, she’s driven me all over the place where and when I choose, written her parent statements, and submitted the financial aid applications, and that’s it.

I chose which schools to apply to, scheduled interviews, asked for fee waivers, and wrote my essays without anyone thinking to remind me. However, for the first time, I’m having my English teacher help me edit them.

19

I decided to apply to boarding schools. My parents scheduled the first 2 interviews and I scheduled the rest. I asked my parents to buy me thank you cards. I organized the recs, my essays, etc. And reminded my parents about the parent statements. Both my parents helped with essays a bit but mostly for punctuation. It will ultimately be my decision where I go if I get in anywhere that is. But it has been a family project organized by me.

20

I’ve done almost everything- scheduling interviews, asking for recs, choosing schools, essay ex. My parents just took me to my interviews and helped with financial aid. When I started this my mom said I would have to ‘drive the boat’