Just wondering about how involved other parents have been/are in the application process. When I applied, literally the only thing my parents did was sign a check to pay the application fee. I’ve helped DS schedule some interviews, but other than that, my expectation is that he will handle this mostly on his own - ask for recommendations, figure out schools he’d like to apply to, and fill out the applications himself.
In chatting with other parents whose kids are applying, I’m apparently in the minority - one mother admitted to me that she has done everything for her daughter, and only expects her to show up at the interview and write the essays (although mom plans to edit them). Is this more typical of how involved parents are for 9th grade applicants?
Some/many parents do the applications. They fill in the tedious profile questions, answer the short questions, arrange all of the recs, and then either write or re-write the essay or essays. Many schools will tell you they can “tell” when a parent completes the application, but in truth they might catch on to 1 in 5 or 6. This is a huge disservice to the student, of course, as anyone not up to completing the application is probably going to be mightily unready for what comes next, but parents see the admission outcome as the victory. I’ve had parents talk to their kids quite openly about what application they (the parents) will work on next and what the kid should be doing as part of the process, along with what to wear and what to say and when to say it.
I think parents are probably fine if they make calls to arrange interviews and such while the kids are in school, and it’s okay to answer questions the kids ask about process and priority. Doing the work, though, sets a bad precedent.
But how many parents have been doing this sort of stuff for the last 10+ years where their kid is concerned.
I think that parents are more involved than they were in our day. I gave DS a list of about 20 schools to research online, and he told me which ones he’d like to visit. I scheduled those visits & drove the car 
He prepared questions for his interview, spoke to his teachers about recommendations, and followed up with coaches. I hired an SSAT tutor, he studied. We brainstormed together a bit for the essays (mainly to make sure that each school had information that he wanted to convey) and he wrote them. Our agreement was that he would write them completely, to the point where he thought they were “finished”, and then I’d make comments or suggestions. ( A good rule of thumb is to make suggestions verbally - don’t edit with a pen). I would put my essay-contribution level at about 5-10% to be honest. He went over the word count on all of them, and had some trouble cutting them down, so that took some time.
HOWEVER, I see that you’re from NYC and depending on which school you’re coming from, I’d say that my essay involvement was very low compared to my friends. I know at least 3 parents who 100% start to finish wrote their kids essays. Most parents I know were heavily involved in the writing. It literally blows my mind that they did this, for so many reasons. But equally mind-blowing is the fact that the schools don’t see through this - they have the SSAT essay to compare at least, wouldn’t the difference be obvious? Do they just not care? I don’t really get it.
@GMC2918, all I can say is “wow,” my mind is also blown by what you observed.
Like most children, I assume, my child started off the BS adventure with a mixture of excitement and apprehension. One thing that reduced DC’s apprehension was the knowledge that the essays, interviews, grades, and test scores truly reflected DC’s thoughts and DC efforts only. At least for my child, that was very important. We helped organize logistics and made suggestions, but DC executed and made the decisions.
Sometimes the parents are no better at writing than the kid would be, even if they don’t realize it. And kids do learn certain phrases and patterns from the parents, so the parents and kids can “sound” alike. Schools read lots of applications, and it is difficult to spot “cheating” by some parents vs simply poorly constructed applications.
And at some point the professional, polished, and/or mature mediocrity of the bulk of the applications and essays received by a given school is just low-key assumed (and low-key accepted and low-key tolerated) to be the work of the parents or someone other than the applicant to a greater or lesser extent. That’s racing.
" I know at least 3 parents who 100% start to finish wrote their kids essays. Most parents I know were heavily involved in the writing. It literally blows my mind that they did this, for so many reasons."
It not only blows my mind that a parent would do this (I did proofread however), but that they would ADMIT they did it!
“But equally mind-blowing is the fact that the schools don’t see through this - they have the SSAT essay to compare at least, wouldn’t the difference be obvious?”
I would expect there to be a huge difference between the SSAT essay and the app essay - time constraints, choice of subject matter, ability to edit and rewrite, etc. I know my kids don’t write well under pressure, especially when given some silly prompt, but are good writers overall.
I played the manager/executive assistant part.
What my kids did was to show up.
I arranged the visits/interviews, signed up for application portals, and entered profile/activities data.
He showed up and took the SSAT, did the interviews, answered short questions and wrote the essays.
I did not edit the essays but made some suggestions that were mostly ignored. DS1 wrote the essays on shared google docs after I shared the essay prompts to him, and I pasted them on application portals. DS2 wrote the essays on paper and I typed them up honing my secretarial skills.
They chose the schools they liked and mentioned the ones they did not like.
I checked the status of application materials and notified the teachers/counselor if letters or transcripts were missing.
I checked the decisions on March 10.
I arranged the revisits. He chose the school, and I paid the check.
DS2 is thriving - doing laundry himself, choosing classes/activities on his own, making daily choices/decisions - in spite of not handling the logistics of BS application himself.
DS1 chose not to attend BS. I did the same for his college application.
@doschicos I know! - they would admit it and talk about it freely. So bizarre to me. Anyway @momof3nyc I would ignore those parents and do what you feel is right for your family.
My son definitely benefitted from the brainstorming session before he started writing. Between Common App essays and supplements, he wanted to make sure that each school received some mention of his top interests. Together, we listed all of the essay questions (long & short answer) by school, and plotted out - in general - what he wanted to convey for each one. This was also helpful to determine what overlap there might be between schools, so essays could be used more than once.
I handled SSAT test registration and my husband booked the tours. I created the initial log-on for Gateway, too… The rest is up to the girl (though we’ll pay the application fees, of course)…
Quote we heard from college AO at BS college info session: “Let’s say we are expert Honda mechanics; we work on 1000s of Honda engines every year- if a parent puts a Volvo part in a Honda engine, we are going to notice.”
Chimneykid2 is a particularly strong writer and I’m an editor by trade so it was very tempting to tinker with her essay. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m confident I could easily turn her Honda into a convincing Volvo. However, I kept my mitts off. I think I changed punctuation in 2 spots and that was it. Nonetheless, one AO still politely prodded a bit to see if I had maybe “helped” and shared that they had discussed whether the essay was written by my child but in the end they were convinced it was a kid’s voice. I am sure this is a common conversation in admissions offices.
The reason I kept out of the process is I do think schools are paying attention to who is driving the bus; they have been burned by kids who were accepted but weren’t really vested in the school once they arrived. If your child isn’t motivated enough to complete the application, to me that is a red flag. Plus the process of self-discovery that occurs through this process can be enlightening and positive for many kids and helps them ultimately find their own best fit and not yours.
I did make spread sheets, book initial interviews, and review each schools’ special features prior to interviews. I prodded both Chimneykids to study each website and be aware of signature programs etc so they could articulate how they could make a unique contribution as well as comfortably address weaknesses. Every school asks “Why do you want to come to XYZ Academy?” We did not rehearse any answers or practice but did have general conversations about each school. (You don’t want to be the kid who talks about how excited they are about model UN at the one school that doesn’t offer it.)
After the interview, Chimneykids sent their own thank yous, and all subsequent phone calls and emails came from them. They completed all the application components on their own as well including requesting recommendations. Hope this helps!
I made the appointments for the interviews because I have other kids and needed them to work on my schedule plus his swim schedule. We did a lot of the research together. There were times when he would ask me for help with certain aspects of the process, not because he didn’t want to do it, but because he literallly didn’t have the time. He was swimming around 30 hrs a week, plus traveling to out of state meets, all while still trying to manage his regular course work. There was some brief editing of his essays (read this sentence again, is this the point you are trying to make kind of stuff) but not full on edits. SwimKid also was emailing coaches, setting up meeting with them during visits and even arranged to hop in the water and workout while traveling to a school that was far away because it was champs season. Managing applying 11 schools was not an easy task for me let alone him. He had a google doc he created with all the writing prompts. I had a white board set up like a spread sheet that he could check off as certain things were completed. And of course I did all the financial aid work.
My mom wrote the parent statements, but that’s really it. Personally, I enjoyed it that way because I prefer to manage things on my own, although I’m sure that she would’ve helped more if I had asked.
They also payed app fees and the first SSAT sitting, but not the second one.
@“Nico.campbell” : Did your scores improve between sittings? Wondering if it is a worthy investment…
I can’t speak for Nico or the Velvet Underground but I know of many families who sign up for 2 SSAT tests right away and plan on having the kid take it twice at least–but quite often it happens that the kid either doesn’t improve or actually goes down, and going down is very, very bad, especially if you are in that very competitive FA pool. It can be hard to know how to play it, but every family should have a target going in and if you hit it or better it, your done (sic). If you miss it, then try again.
Of course I also know of one girl who had a first test at 91 or 92 percentile and took it again and got a 98, so, there’s that, too.
Did the kids whose scores declined study in between?
I went through schools with DD to narrow down the field. I proof read her essays, and offered a few suggestions - some she took, some she didn’t. We pushed her on those knowing she could do better than her first efforts. Her Dad and I also pushed her to retake her SSATs - we knew she could do better if she prepared more. I did the scheduling for the interviews, mostly they were Skype (only 1 in person) but a lot of that was because it had to go around our schedules to get her home from school etc - we were only present for 3 of them. I did have to step in regarding some of her materials (transcripts) from school because the principal was having issues uploading them. Thankfully, it wasn’t a big deal that they were emailed from me rather than the school. As far as I know, DD was the first to apply to BS from her grade school. It just isn’t a thing people do here.
@CaliMex I’m not sure how much prep went into the game before or after the first test; I do think that some kids just find their level, both in prep and test-day performance, so a great improvement is unlikely in that sort of scenario.
I think the key is to have a target for the test before you take it. Based on your grades, practice test scores, and the SSAT range of the schools to which you are serious about applying, identify a target score, and if you hit it, sit on it.
Of course, if you are applying to St. Paul’s, Groton, Exeter, Andover, Hotchkiss, and Choate, and you are simply an anodyne hard-working smart kid who needs FA, well, that target better be stratospheric.
My kid took the SSAT twice, and it was the kid’s decision. The first time was before the kid had visited any of the schools and prep was just taking a couple practice exams to figure out the pacing. After the “grand tour” of schools (which we affectionately call the “Turn Right on Main Street Tour”) the kid felt a whole lot more invested in trying to gain admission and when the first results came back decided to take the test again. The score on the weaker section did come up, not hugely, but enough to have likely pushed the super score up a few percentage points. Plus the kid felt that the writing portion was much better for the second test. Looking back maybe the kid didn’t need to have taken it twice in terms of admission results, but I’ve no regrets because the kid did what personally felt necessary to do.
Mine raised her math sub score from 67 to 83, effectively raising her total score from 90 to 97. I heard that 67% in math can hurt even if the total is 90%.
During the 9 months between her two tests, she learned formal school algebra that I had been replacing with deductive reasoning lessons. Meanwhile, her verbal dropped a little and reading increased a little for no notable change.
My kid took the test three times. The first time was administered by his counselor. He did not prep for it and became sick during the math section and only had 15 minutes to complete the section. We had already scheduled him to take the test when we found out it would be administered by his counselor. So he took it again. After seeing the results from the test where he got sick, I panicked and scheduled a third test. He did okay enough ok the second test that he really did not need the third test but took it since it was paid for. With no prep for the third test, he performed significantly better because he was familiar.
He led the process but I did schedule all tours and interviews because I knew my schedule much better that he and we lived hundreds of miles away.