So I got waitlisted for UC Davis in Computer Science, and I wanted to see if anyone could provide some criticisms for my essay and possible changes for me to make. Here it is:
If I were to be selected for admission, I intend to enroll in UC Davis and strive to contribute my efforts towards both my own improvement and the betterment of the school. As an aspiring major in computer science, I am deeply interested in the opportunities offered on campus, including the Davis CS club devoted to providing events and workshops such as Intro to Deep Learning. The club is one manner in which I plan to contribute to the school’s CS program by participating in events to expand my experience in the field and by becoming a member of its council. Additionally, I am aware of the fast-paced and rigorous nature of CS classes at Davis, particularly the focus on computer languages such as C++, which will provide an appropriate challenge for me to thrive in. Beyond its academic excellence, I am deeply engrossed by Davis’ bike-friendly and small town environment, as it provides a place in which I can study in a peaceful location while appreciating leisurely activities including bike riding. As such, I believe the prestige and opportunities provided at UC Davis provide an exemplary environment for me to further my study of computer science.