<p>I came here for my UC Davis waitlist essay assistance. Basically, they select some students that they are interested in to offer a second chance by making them write an essay.</p>
<p>Here is the prompt: why would you like to attend UC Davis? (200 words)</p>
<p>Here is my essay (200 words):
Starting of my adult life as a student at UC Davis is an incredible opportunity. After learning of the extensive career opportunities one can gain as a student at UCD, I have confidently decided to spend the next four years of my life at this university. Being a student at this university would mean I can focus on my work when I need to, visit family whenever I want, and have fun at the various places located around the campus. My time at UC Davis would also be spent by me contributing some of my time to the school by volunteering at events, be social when it comes school spirit and overall be a hardworking individual. Davis would provide me with many opportunities to advance in computer science. UC Davis meets all my university needs with the courses it offers, the various internship and research opportunities, and social events. I believe this university will challenge me to the right amount where I can learn but still be able to maintain a social life. With technology constantly improving, this major offers more opportunities than any other, and my passion for this department of study combined Davis will lead me to success.</p>
<p>Any help would be greatly appreciated. Please let me know how it is and if you have any ideas to improve it.</p>
<p>You should try to take out generic phrases and make them into specific ones. It will make a more powerful essay. “extensive opportunities” “various places” “contributing some” “volunteering at events” “many opportunities” “various internship” are all candidates for revision.</p>
<p>Also, since you aren’t accepted you can’t have ‘confidently decided’ to attend. That sounds pretty smarmy.</p>
<p>I agree with this BrownParent and to be frank it will not get you off the waitlist. Mostly anyone who appeals to Davis could say the same( fun around Davis, focus on my work, good location , various research opportunities) it doesnt make you stand out. You have to write something that is different or will give them a reason as to why they should put you out of the waitlist and admit you.</p>
<p>Your waitlist essay focuses MORE on the CAMPUS rather than YOU. Give them compelling new and personal information. Be specific, what are these oppurtunities you will pursue, where will you volunteer? It sounds like you are promising but make sure you’re specific and sincere; so that the admissions officer dont doubt your credibility. </p>
<p>Trust me, I was admitted with a low SAT score(1840) and what got me in was probably my personal statement that I worked hard on. Best of luck and if you would like me to read your revised essay than I will be happy to 
</p>
<p>Is this any better?</p>
<p>“Starting my adult life as a student at UC Davis would be an incredible opportunity for me. There are extensive career opportunities that can be gained as an alumni of your University, and this prospect is very exciting. As a student at UC Davis, I can focus on my work, make use of my free time by contributing as a volunteer during my time as a student and later on as an alumni, and also have the opportunity to visit family when possible. UC Davis meets all my university needs with the courses it offers, the various internship and research opportunities, and social events open to the student population. With technology constantly improving, my chosen major offers more opportunities than any other, and my passion for this department of study combined with UC Davis will lead me to success.”</p>
<p>Do you ever bother to read after you write your essays?</p>
<p>“Starting my adult life as a student at UC Davis would be an incredible opportunity for me. There are extensive career opportunities”</p>
<p>“Opportunity” is a rather cliche word. If you use it twice in your first two sentences, which impact do you think it’ll have on your chances?</p>
<p>Now replace UC Davis with Stanford, U of Miami, Rochester, Pomona, whatever. Any difference? Well, no, because your essay is quite weak and general.</p>
I wonder if he/she made it off the waitlist